October 18
Wright & Co. Law Offices
Phoenix: Whew, what a day.
Maya: This is no time for relaxing, Nick! Say, you think WP's got a chance?
Phoenix: I guess that really depends on the people we found out about in today's trial.
Maya: The director and producer...?
Phoenix: Yeah, them.
Maya: Well, what are we doing here then!? Let's go get to the studios!
October 18, 2:16 PM
Global Studios
Main Gate
Maya: No one's here.
Phoenix: Right, now that they have Ms. Oldbag in custody. I guess they don't have anyone else to replace her...
Maya: H-hey! In the guard station! Look! She left her donuts!
(What kind?) (Ew! Those are two days old! And unrefrigerated for that matter!)
Maya: ... ...What? I wasn't going to eat them!
(But you know you want to...!) Well, time to visit the...
Maya: Hiii-ya! There. That should make the kids happy.
Phoenix: The things we do...
...for the fan boys of the world. Oh, what do we have here? (You trying to examine that step-ladder again?) ...Dang it! Still can't! Oh, well. I could tap on this instead...
Phoenix: There's a half-finished backdrop for a stage here. Looks like a castle.
(Not any castle I've seen!) It's a "Japanese castle" of course. ([exasperated] Should I've expected anything else from this game...? [/exasperated])
Phoenix: Probably "Neo Olde Tokyo Castle."
(Well, didn't Penny say something about manning the guard station?) Fine, I wanted to try to find the true culprit anyway, and I doesn't seem like we'll find her here. To the Main Gate!
Penny: Oh... hello.
Maya: Ho hoh! You look a little out of place.
Penny: It's the clothes, isn't it? I thought my camo vest might do the trick... Kind of an "alternative guard fashion" thing.
(Those are three words that should NEVER be uttered in the same sentence: "alternative", "guard", and "fashion".) Did we ever mention how Niyagi's such a snob? Anyway, we have questions to ask and here's the following topics to cover... "The studios", "The fanboy" and "The director, et al.". Well, let's get the proverbial show on the road!
Phoenix: So, how are the studios doing?
Penny: There's police wandering around everywhere, it's terrible. They won't even let me clean up. Don't want me "disturbing evidence." I haven't even cleaned up our lunch plates from the day of the murder!
(So, the police are why there's such a horrendous mess in the employee area!? Huh... Uh...) For once, I'm going to have to announce that someone's brain has broken. In this case, that's Niyagi's brain.
Phoenix: You mean those plates with the steak bones left over on them in the employee area?
Penny: Yeah. Can you believe it?
(No... No, I can't...) Let's let Niyagi here do a system reset, in the meantime, about that fan boy...
Maya: Do kids sneak in here a lot?
Penny: Well... I don't think there's that many of them, but I do see one in particular a bunch. He's always gawking at the sets, or snapping pictures. You should see Old Windbag's eyes flash when she sees him.
I can see an entire series based upon said fan boy sneaking into the studio and the security guard chasing after him in such a way that leads to hilarity, kind of like Animaniacs, being a great idea!
Penny: She has a bit of trouble catching him though...
I know the next question is about the Director and the Producer, but what exactly does "et al" mean?
Phoenix: I heard something at the trial today. They said that the director and producer were here the day of the murder...
Penny: Oh, sorry... I was in the prop storage room, so I didn't see them. I guess they were here, though. The studio head seemed pretty eager to keep us quiet.
I wonder why...?
Maya: So they were trying to protect the director?
Penny: More the producer, really. The producer's our real star here. She saved these studios from the brink of disaster and kept them running.
Wow! Nice reference to the title of the second part of the third Doctor Who story ever, "The Edge of Destruction"... (Which is also the title of the first episode.) ...which was called, "The Brink of Disaster". (Okay, that's enough of you two being complete nerds!) You say "nerd" as though it were a bad thing. (It is!) To you, and by now, only you.
Penny: I don't think we'd still be in business if it weren't for that producer!
Phoenix: (The producer, huh?)
(Well, yesterday we never had the chance to check out Studio Two. So...) Yeah, let's check it out now.
October 18
Global Studios
Employee Area
Maya: Look, it's that assistant girl. Hey!
Penny: Hi... WP's lawyers, right? I heard about the trial! Great job, guys!
Phoenix: Oh? Oh hoh hoh. Don't mention it.
Well, he is just doing his job...
Penny: Is it true they caught the security lady!?
Phoenix: Oh! Oh... oh hoh hoh!
(Okay, that's getting annoying.)
Penny: Actually, she just called me. She told me to cover up that drain...
Phoenix: You mean that one? (Wow, what a mess...)
Penny: I... I know... I'm not so good with handiwork. Some assistant, right?
Maya: Yeah, but you do work on the props, and the back-drops, right?
Penny: R-right. Just... lots of times they end up looking worse than they did before I fixed them.
Maya: Oh? Oh! Well, I'm sure these things happen. Nothing to worry yourself about!
Penny: You're right! I won't!
Phoenix: (Personally, I think she should worry at least a little bit more...)
Penny: Um, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the guard station. I'm supposed to fill in for Ms. Oldbag.
Maya: Right! See you later, then!
Penny: Good luck with your investigation.
...Man that repair job is about as bad as Penny said it is... (Let's see if we can do anything about it.)
Maya: So, the fanboy they were talking about in the trial today... He came in through that drain?
Phoenix: So it seems. I guess they covered it up in a hurry.
Maya: Hey... Hey, Nick! If that drain's covered, the boy won't be able to get in.
Phoenix: Uh, yeah. I think that was the idea...?
Maya: I feel kinda sorry for him, though, Don't you?
Phoenix: What, you want to rip the grate off?
Maya: Really, Nick? We can!?
(No, Phoenix Wright was asking if that was what you WANTED. Not if we SHOULD do that!)
Phoenix: (Whoa... she's serious? Uh oh...)
-Rip it open-
-Leave it be-
(Oh no! I'm not going to let...) Too late! (Finally avoided one of us taking your DS, huh?)
Phoenix: Well, I guess some things are just made to be broken.
Maya: Yay! You know, Nick, you're pretty swell sometimes.
Phoenix: (Sometimes...?)
Yeah, I was thinking something like that myself, Mr. Wright...
Maya: Hiii-ya! There. That should make the kids happy.
Phoenix: The things we do...
...for the fan boys of the world. Oh, what do we have here? (You trying to examine that step-ladder again?) ...Dang it! Still can't! Oh, well. I could tap on this instead...
Phoenix: There's a half-finished backdrop for a stage here. Looks like a castle.
(Not any castle I've seen!) It's a "Japanese castle" of course. ([exasperated] Should I've expected anything else from this game...? [/exasperated])
Phoenix: Probably "Neo Olde Tokyo Castle."
(Well, didn't Penny say something about manning the guard station?) Fine, I wanted to try to find the true culprit anyway, and I doesn't seem like we'll find her here. To the Main Gate!
Penny: Oh... hello.
Maya: Ho hoh! You look a little out of place.
Penny: It's the clothes, isn't it? I thought my camo vest might do the trick... Kind of an "alternative guard fashion" thing.
(Those are three words that should NEVER be uttered in the same sentence: "alternative", "guard", and "fashion".) Did we ever mention how Niyagi's such a snob? Anyway, we have questions to ask and here's the following topics to cover... "The studios", "The fanboy" and "The director, et al.". Well, let's get the proverbial show on the road!
Phoenix: So, how are the studios doing?
Penny: There's police wandering around everywhere, it's terrible. They won't even let me clean up. Don't want me "disturbing evidence." I haven't even cleaned up our lunch plates from the day of the murder!
(So, the police are why there's such a horrendous mess in the employee area!? Huh... Uh...) For once, I'm going to have to announce that someone's brain has broken. In this case, that's Niyagi's brain.
Phoenix: You mean those plates with the steak bones left over on them in the employee area?
Penny: Yeah. Can you believe it?
(No... No, I can't...) Let's let Niyagi here do a system reset, in the meantime, about that fan boy...
Maya: Do kids sneak in here a lot?
Penny: Well... I don't think there's that many of them, but I do see one in particular a bunch. He's always gawking at the sets, or snapping pictures. You should see Old Windbag's eyes flash when she sees him.
I can see an entire series based upon said fan boy sneaking into the studio and the security guard chasing after him in such a way that leads to hilarity, kind of like Animaniacs, being a great idea!
Penny: She has a bit of trouble catching him though...
I know the next question is about the Director and the Producer, but what exactly does "et al" mean?
Phoenix: I heard something at the trial today. They said that the director and producer were here the day of the murder...
Penny: Oh, sorry... I was in the prop storage room, so I didn't see them. I guess they were here, though. The studio head seemed pretty eager to keep us quiet.
I wonder why...?
Maya: So they were trying to protect the director?
Penny: More the producer, really. The producer's our real star here. She saved these studios from the brink of disaster and kept them running.
Wow! Nice reference to the title of the second part of the third Doctor Who story ever, "The Edge of Destruction"... (Which is also the title of the first episode.) ...which was called, "The Brink of Disaster". (Okay, that's enough of you two being complete nerds!) You say "nerd" as though it were a bad thing. (It is!) To you, and by now, only you.
Penny: I don't think we'd still be in business if it weren't for that producer!
Phoenix: (The producer, huh?)
(Well, yesterday we never had the chance to check out Studio Two. So...) Yeah, let's check it out now.
October 18
Studio One Entrance
Maya: Hey, Nick. It looks like Detective Gumshoe isn't here today.
Phoenix: You're right. He's probably up to his neck in paperwork after the commotion at today's trial.
Maya: So, Nick... Remember that "Studio Two" we heard about at the trial today? It was down that path with the fallen tree, right?
Phoenix: Yeah, I think that's what they said.
Maya: Maybe the director and the rest of them are there today?
Now's our chance, Nick! Let's check it out!
You heard the Spirit Channeller! Let's get going to...!
October 18
Studio Two Entrance
Phoenix: (This place is deserted...)
'*crash!*'
Maya: Eek! N-N-Nick! W-w-what was that noise!? It sounded like it came from inside the trailer...
Phoenix: Someone must be inside...
Maya: H-Hello? ...
Phoenix: No answer.
Maya: Pretty suspicious, if you ask me, Nick! Let's go in!
Phoenix: I'm not sure we should be barging in...Huh. It's locked.
Maya: What? Don't we have a key?
Maya... that's only for Studio One.
Phoenix: No. But there's probably one in the guard station at the main gate.
Maya: Then what are we waiting for? Let's borrow it!
Phoenix: (If they'll let us...)
New mission objective, fetch the key to the Studio Two Trailer. And for that we need to go though the area outside Studio One and then back to the main gate... Where it should be located in the guard station. Now to examine it... (Shimohi had a misfire and accidentally tapped on the guard station's computer.)
Phoenix: The computer that runs the studio security cameras. Huh? It looks like it's been turned off for the day.
Here's what happened when I 'was' on target.
Phoenix: The security guard station. I can see the computer that runs the security cameras.
Penny: Oh, please don't touch anything in there. The security lady would knock the stuffing out of me if she knew.
Phoenix: (I really want the key to that trailer... Maybe next time...)
Well, you remember how we got one of the studio keys last time. (So... to the dressing room we go!) (Will that really work?) It's the only place aside from Studio One we haven't checked yet.
???: WTF? Who are j00 d00dz!? LMAO!
(Can anyone understand what this unknown person is saying?!) Why, yes, I do speak L337! "I don't understand? Who might you people be!? This is unbelievably funny!" (I see you're going for a MegaTokyo-style translation.)
Maya: H-huh!? W-we...
(Is this that fan boy we keep hearing about?) No, no he isn't...
Maya: Wait, you first! Who are you!? You look pretty suspicious to me!
(Are you telling me she actually understood that mess of sounds!?) Apparently, yes.
???: Whatever, l4m3rs!
"Whatever, you uncultured swine!"
Menella: How can j00 not know the great Sal Manella!?
That sentence is mostly normal, except for one of the myrid l337-speak versions of the word "You".
Manella: I make the L33T SH0WZ! The Steel Samurai? Mine! RTFC! (Read The Film Credits!
"I create amazing shows like 'The Steel Samurai'! I own the copyright to the show! Why don't you read the credits in the future!" (Usually the "F" in an acronym like that usually stands for... A word I can't use here, because the radar won't let me. Stupid radar...)
Maya: R-really!? You're THE Sal Manella!?
(What!? Do you realise that this gross and smelly otaku has a name...) That sounds like a type of food poisoning? Yeah, I knew that already. And, dude! Not all Otaku look like that!
Maya: I'm so sorry! I, just, you looked so... Sorry!
Manella: No no, quite alright. Really. It's fine. ROFL!
Let's see... best way to translate that acronym without breaking the rating... How about, "I'm laughing so hard that I'm rolling on the floor and think that my butt will fall off any moment"? Yeah, the acronym is a much more efficient way to say it.
Manella: ...
Maya: W-what is it?
(Please don't become a creeper.) ("Ssssssss..." BOOM!) (Aaaaaah!) (Gotcha!)
Manella: You know, on closer inspection... Mmm... Yeah... Hot! Hot! Hot! *slobber*
If that isn't creepy as hell, I don't know what 'is'.
Manella: Hey, do j00 do a lot of "cosplay," coz that costume r0x0rz!... *drool*
Again, the l337-speak is minimal. But still, "Excuse me, do you act in costume alot, because that costume of yours is so amazing!"... (No, I'm not allowing Shimohi do copy that "drooling" thing.) Not that I would do that, anyway. I consider myself more sophisticated than that.
Maya: Rocksores!? Wh-wh-what... Hey! You're drooling!
Well, that is how you pronounce the l337-speak word for "rocks, cool, awesome, amazing, insert any other synonym for those words you can think of here"...
Manella: Huh? Mmph! LOL! Buffer overrun! *pant*
I...I... Even I don't know what to do with this.
Manella: You've triggered my CR34TIV3 P0W3RZ!
Okay, those last two words are supposed to be "creative powers".
Manella: Yes... yes, it's coming to me! "Pink Princess"!
(Finally, this gross otaku's saying something understandable!)
Manella: The sequel to the Steel Samurai... "Pink Princess: Warrior of Little Olde Tokyo!"
Still has a bit of the "ye olde butcherede Englishe", but at least the subtitle's not an oxymoron any more.
Manella: ROFL... LMAO!
"I'm rolling on the floor laughing...and now I'm laughing so hard my butt is falling off!"
Phoenix: P-"Pink Princess"...?
(Isn't it obvious?! Pink is the only color for princesses!)
Maya: Why's it gotta be "Little" Olde Tokyo!? Why can't it have a cool name, like "Neo Olde Tokyo"!?
So, Maya, you think oxymorons are cool?!
Phoenix: Maya, we really need to talk about "cool"...
So, we can talk to Mr. Manella here. And the only topic I can see right now is "The day of the crime". Well, let's hop to it!
Phoenix: Did you notice anything unusual on the day of the murder?
Manella: Oh, I know who j00 d00dz are. That security lady told j00 about us, eh?
(Yeah, yeah, he just used the l337-speak words for "you" and "dudes"...)
Phoenix: That's right.
Manella: It was a pretty regular day. We had a run-through for an action scene in the morning. Then a meeting from lunchtime in the Studio Two trailer. Heh. I was so busy I didn't even get a chance to eat lunch! :(
Yes, folks, that's an actual emoticon right there in the game dialogue.
Phoenix: A t-bone steak, was it?
Manella: Yeah... sux0rz! I hate missing out on food...
Agreed, missing the chance to eat really does...
Maya: Nick... what does "Sucksores" mean?
Phoenix: No idea...
I can answer that, "sux0rz" is the L337-speak word for "sucks". Mr. Wright, I think it'd be best if you leave the L337-speak translation to me, okay.
Manella: Anyway, I was in a meeting from noon till after 4:00. With the producer, and some bigwigs from the network.
Phoenix: (Mr. Hammer's time of death was estimated at 2:30 PM. If he's telling the truth, that meeting gives him an alibi...)
And now we have two more topics of conversation: "The producer" and "The bigwigs". (*yawn* You know the drill...)
Phoenix: About the producer who was at the meeting with you...
Manella: Oh, you mean Dee Vasquez? She's a genius. M4d sk1llz, all the way. Scary, though. *sweats*
(Ew! Gross! Get this freak a towel!) I guess what she does counts as "mad skills" in a way...
Manella: She brought these studios back from the brink of destruction.
It's either "Edge of Destruction" or "Brink of Disaster"! Pick one! (The freak's not talking about Doctor Who episodes.)
Manella: She's the one who made it possible for me to make the Steel Samurai!
Phoenix: You had a meeting with her on the day of the murder, right?
Manella: Yeah, we were together from noon to 4:00 PM, the whole time.
Now, let's hear about "The bigwigs"!
Phoenix: Who exactly are these "bigwigs" people keep mentioning?
Manella: Oh, the boss over at the network, and some sponsors. Also a few production guys. They piled into a limousine and got here right around noon. Major tension! *sweats*
(That's still gross...)
Phoenix: Were all of them with you the entire time?
Manella: Yeah, unfortunately. They're all gray-haired geezers... *scowl*
Phoenix: (Hmm... sounds like they'd all be reliable witnesses.)
Witnesses? Reliable? That's a laugh! They commit all kinds of perjury all the time! Well, might as well see if we can get that key now... (later at the main gate...)
Oldbag: Ah hah! You again!
Maya: Eeeek!
Oldbag: How rude, acting like you've seen a ghost!
Phoenix: You... certainly got back to your post quickly.
Oldbag: Oh the police took me away, they did. They pulled out a spare Steel Samurai costume! Told me to "put it on." Can you imagine? How could I, a sweet little old lady, wear a giant suit like that?
I think there's room for debate about the "sweet" part.
Phoenix: Mr. Powers is pretty tall...
Oldbag: As soon as they saw there was no way I could wear it, they let me go.
Phoenix: (I guess that would rule out her being the murderer.)
Oldbag: Anyway! Know this, whippersnapper! This old lady NEVER forgets a slight or insult! And you won't get any information out of me! My lips are sealed!
Maya: You sure are talking a lot for someone with sealed lips.
Point, Maya!
Oldbag: Starting now! One, two, three, mmmph!
Whatever you say, Old Windbag.
Phoenix: (This lady's too much...)
Yeah, and I've had enough of ranting...To the Employee Area! Let's see if we can start that gag with the ladder yet! (Sources say... no.)
Maya: Hey! H-hey! Wait!
Phoenix: (I'll bet he came in right through that drain...)
And by "he" he means "a young Steel Samurai fanboy"...
Maya: Hey, um, kiddy-o! What's yer name, sport?
[sarcasm] Maya, your sounding totally radical. You know that, right? [/sarcasm]
???: I'm not a kid, so don't talk to me like that!
Oddly enough, insisting that you're not a child is a rather childish thing to do...
Maya: H-huh!? But you... You are a kid!
And by some definations, so are you. But we can all agree that no one; young, old, whatever, likes being talked down to. Period!
Maya: What a rude little brat. That's no way to talk to an adult!
Then again, "What's the point of being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes." (Uh...that leads to a strange Doctor Who Fan Music Video you found in the weird part of YouTube that just happens to start with that quote.)
???: I don't see no adults here! Hippie fashion chick!
What!? Mr. Wright doesn't count as an adult? (More like a discontinuity of his existence.)
Maya: H-hippie fashion...? Nick... I think I'm being mocked.
([sarcasm] You don't say... [/sarcasm])
Phoenix: (You got to hand it to Maya, she's pretty sharp. And pretty mad...)
Aw, don't worry. "We're all mad here." (Mr. Wright wasn't talking about THAT kind of "mad".)
Cody: I'm Cody! Cody Hackins.
(Listen here, little boy, you're not James Bond! And you never will be!)
Cody: Call me "kiddy-o" again and I'll cut you down where you stand, evildoer!
Woah! Disproportionate retribution much? Now we get to talk to the fanboy, available topics are: "The Steel Samurai" and "What happened". Hopefully this does not devolve into a flame war... (Fat chance, pass the "nachos"!) (...The monster is as the monster does...)
Phoenix: So, you're a fan of the Steel Samurai?
(No...uh, racdrops Sherlock!)
Cody: How dare you utter that name, evildoer!
Maya: What do you mean? We're on the Steel Samurai's side!
Cody: H-hah! Hah hah! You can't fool me!
Maya: Okay... then what's the last line said by the innkeeper in Episode 8?
(And here, we have a great example of a "contest of dominance" between an alpha male and an alpha female of the "crazed fan" species...)
Cody: Hah! Easy! "Like some fries with that?"
Dude! That is horribly anachronistic! (And you're saying this about a low budget samurai action show...?!) Indeed, and the cheese is delicious!
Maya: Hmph... not bad, kiddy-o.
And... you've just signed your own "death warrant"... (*munch* *crunch*) (Ew!)
Cody: Watch it!
Phoenix: (What are they doing!?)
Competing to see who's a bigger Steel Samurai fan than the other. Now as for "What happened" the day of the murder...
Phoenix: Say, you heard anything about the incident the other day?
Cody: ...
Maya: You were here, weren't you?
Cody: ...
Aw, come on! We allies of justice need to work together, otherwise evil will prevail!
Phoenix: Did you see anything...?
On the surface, "Most. Vague. Question. Ever."...
Cody: He... he...
Phoenix: ?
Cody: He... always... The Steel Samurai always wins! Always! Yeah, I saw 'em! I saw everything!
Define "everything"...
Maya: What!?
Cody: But... but no way am I telling you losers!
Maya: Wha--!? Wait...
Cody: Lemme go!
(I don't see any... Monster! Is that you!?) (Maybe, maybe not...)
Maya: ...He's gone. Huh? Something fell off the table when he bumped into it on his way out.
Phoenix: A... bottle? Why was this sitting there, I wonder?
'Empty Bottle slipped into pocket.'
'Found on a table in the employee area. The label reads "Sleeping Pills."'
Phoenix: Anyway, what was that kid saying?
Maya: He "saw everything"...
Indeed, a quick scroll up could tell you that. (Maya and Mr. Wright can't see the blog like we or the readers can!) ...I've got an idea! Back to the Main Gate!
Maya: Huh? Where's that old windbag?
(I think I've got an idea where the old windbag is, and I have the "nachos" ready as well!)
Phoenix: Odd of her to leave her post...
Oldbag: (H-hey!!!)
(*munch*)
Maya: Nick! That was her!
Oldbag: (S-stop! Whippersnapper!)
(*crunch*)
Phoenix: Y-yeah. Sounds like she's chasing after that boy.
Just as planned... (You never said anything about a plan.) Oops.
Oldbag: Natch!
Maya: Uh oh, she tripped!
Phoenix: (Maya sure looks happy...)
Let's see, examine the guard station. And quickly! Before the old windbag gets back!
Maya: Hey, hey, Nick. Now's our chance! Let's check out the guard station!
Phoenix: Good idea.
Maya: ...Oh! This is it, Nick! The "Trailer Key"!
Phoenix: The key to that trailer in Studio Two!
Maya: We'll be borrowing this, right, Nick?
[sarcasm] Sure, "borrowing", right... [/sarcasm]
'Trailer Key slipped into your pocket.'
'The key tag reads "Studio Two Trailer."'
Might as well head for that trailer now! (Later, in front of the trailer...) That one spike on the fence looks oddly...bent. Let's examine it!
Phoenix: There's some flowers here.
Maya: Wow, so pretty! They're taking good care of these.
Phoenix: Don't get to close. That fence looks dangerous.
Dang it! Too early, huh... Now for the trailer!
Phoenix: I wonder if the key we borrowed from the guard station will work? ...It opened.
Maya: Great! Let's go, Nick!
Phoenix: (She seems eager all of a sudden...)
Maya: Well, you first, Nick!
Phoenix: (Ah, not THAT eager.)
Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get this proverbial party started!
Manella: No no, quite alright. Really. It's fine. ROFL!
Let's see... best way to translate that acronym without breaking the rating... How about, "I'm laughing so hard that I'm rolling on the floor and think that my butt will fall off any moment"? Yeah, the acronym is a much more efficient way to say it.
Manella: ...
Maya: W-what is it?
(Please don't become a creeper.) ("Ssssssss..." BOOM!) (Aaaaaah!) (Gotcha!)
Manella: You know, on closer inspection... Mmm... Yeah... Hot! Hot! Hot! *slobber*
If that isn't creepy as hell, I don't know what 'is'.
Manella: Hey, do j00 do a lot of "cosplay," coz that costume r0x0rz!... *drool*
Again, the l337-speak is minimal. But still, "Excuse me, do you act in costume alot, because that costume of yours is so amazing!"... (No, I'm not allowing Shimohi do copy that "drooling" thing.) Not that I would do that, anyway. I consider myself more sophisticated than that.
Maya: Rocksores!? Wh-wh-what... Hey! You're drooling!
Well, that is how you pronounce the l337-speak word for "rocks, cool, awesome, amazing, insert any other synonym for those words you can think of here"...
Manella: Huh? Mmph! LOL! Buffer overrun! *pant*
I...I... Even I don't know what to do with this.
Manella: You've triggered my CR34TIV3 P0W3RZ!
Okay, those last two words are supposed to be "creative powers".
Manella: Yes... yes, it's coming to me! "Pink Princess"!
(Finally, this gross otaku's saying something understandable!)
Manella: The sequel to the Steel Samurai... "Pink Princess: Warrior of Little Olde Tokyo!"
Still has a bit of the "ye olde butcherede Englishe", but at least the subtitle's not an oxymoron any more.
Manella: ROFL... LMAO!
"I'm rolling on the floor laughing...and now I'm laughing so hard my butt is falling off!"
Phoenix: P-"Pink Princess"...?
(Isn't it obvious?! Pink is the only color for princesses!)
Maya: Why's it gotta be "Little" Olde Tokyo!? Why can't it have a cool name, like "Neo Olde Tokyo"!?
So, Maya, you think oxymorons are cool?!
Phoenix: Maya, we really need to talk about "cool"...
So, we can talk to Mr. Manella here. And the only topic I can see right now is "The day of the crime". Well, let's hop to it!
Phoenix: Did you notice anything unusual on the day of the murder?
Manella: Oh, I know who j00 d00dz are. That security lady told j00 about us, eh?
(Yeah, yeah, he just used the l337-speak words for "you" and "dudes"...)
Phoenix: That's right.
Manella: It was a pretty regular day. We had a run-through for an action scene in the morning. Then a meeting from lunchtime in the Studio Two trailer. Heh. I was so busy I didn't even get a chance to eat lunch! :(
Yes, folks, that's an actual emoticon right there in the game dialogue.
Phoenix: A t-bone steak, was it?
Manella: Yeah... sux0rz! I hate missing out on food...
Agreed, missing the chance to eat really does...
Maya: Nick... what does "Sucksores" mean?
Phoenix: No idea...
I can answer that, "sux0rz" is the L337-speak word for "sucks". Mr. Wright, I think it'd be best if you leave the L337-speak translation to me, okay.
Manella: Anyway, I was in a meeting from noon till after 4:00. With the producer, and some bigwigs from the network.
Phoenix: (Mr. Hammer's time of death was estimated at 2:30 PM. If he's telling the truth, that meeting gives him an alibi...)
And now we have two more topics of conversation: "The producer" and "The bigwigs". (*yawn* You know the drill...)
Phoenix: About the producer who was at the meeting with you...
Manella: Oh, you mean Dee Vasquez? She's a genius. M4d sk1llz, all the way. Scary, though. *sweats*
(Ew! Gross! Get this freak a towel!) I guess what she does counts as "mad skills" in a way...
Manella: She brought these studios back from the brink of destruction.
It's either "Edge of Destruction" or "Brink of Disaster"! Pick one! (The freak's not talking about Doctor Who episodes.)
Manella: She's the one who made it possible for me to make the Steel Samurai!
Phoenix: You had a meeting with her on the day of the murder, right?
Manella: Yeah, we were together from noon to 4:00 PM, the whole time.
Now, let's hear about "The bigwigs"!
Phoenix: Who exactly are these "bigwigs" people keep mentioning?
Manella: Oh, the boss over at the network, and some sponsors. Also a few production guys. They piled into a limousine and got here right around noon. Major tension! *sweats*
(That's still gross...)
Phoenix: Were all of them with you the entire time?
Manella: Yeah, unfortunately. They're all gray-haired geezers... *scowl*
Phoenix: (Hmm... sounds like they'd all be reliable witnesses.)
Witnesses? Reliable? That's a laugh! They commit all kinds of perjury all the time! Well, might as well see if we can get that key now... (later at the main gate...)
Oldbag: Ah hah! You again!
Maya: Eeeek!
Oldbag: How rude, acting like you've seen a ghost!
Phoenix: You... certainly got back to your post quickly.
Oldbag: Oh the police took me away, they did. They pulled out a spare Steel Samurai costume! Told me to "put it on." Can you imagine? How could I, a sweet little old lady, wear a giant suit like that?
I think there's room for debate about the "sweet" part.
Phoenix: Mr. Powers is pretty tall...
Oldbag: As soon as they saw there was no way I could wear it, they let me go.
Phoenix: (I guess that would rule out her being the murderer.)
Oldbag: Anyway! Know this, whippersnapper! This old lady NEVER forgets a slight or insult! And you won't get any information out of me! My lips are sealed!
Maya: You sure are talking a lot for someone with sealed lips.
Point, Maya!
Oldbag: Starting now! One, two, three, mmmph!
Whatever you say, Old Windbag.
Phoenix: (This lady's too much...)
Yeah, and I've had enough of ranting...To the Employee Area! Let's see if we can start that gag with the ladder yet! (Sources say... no.)
Maya: Hey! H-hey! Wait!
Phoenix: (I'll bet he came in right through that drain...)
And by "he" he means "a young Steel Samurai fanboy"...
Maya: Hey, um, kiddy-o! What's yer name, sport?
[sarcasm] Maya, your sounding totally radical. You know that, right? [/sarcasm]
???: I'm not a kid, so don't talk to me like that!
Oddly enough, insisting that you're not a child is a rather childish thing to do...
Maya: H-huh!? But you... You are a kid!
And by some definations, so are you. But we can all agree that no one; young, old, whatever, likes being talked down to. Period!
Maya: What a rude little brat. That's no way to talk to an adult!
Then again, "What's the point of being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes." (Uh...that leads to a strange Doctor Who Fan Music Video you found in the weird part of YouTube that just happens to start with that quote.)
???: I don't see no adults here! Hippie fashion chick!
What!? Mr. Wright doesn't count as an adult? (More like a discontinuity of his existence.)
Maya: H-hippie fashion...? Nick... I think I'm being mocked.
([sarcasm] You don't say... [/sarcasm])
Phoenix: (You got to hand it to Maya, she's pretty sharp. And pretty mad...)
Aw, don't worry. "We're all mad here." (Mr. Wright wasn't talking about THAT kind of "mad".)
Cody: I'm Cody! Cody Hackins.
(Listen here, little boy, you're not James Bond! And you never will be!)
Cody: Call me "kiddy-o" again and I'll cut you down where you stand, evildoer!
Woah! Disproportionate retribution much? Now we get to talk to the fanboy, available topics are: "The Steel Samurai" and "What happened". Hopefully this does not devolve into a flame war... (Fat chance, pass the "nachos"!) (...The monster is as the monster does...)
Phoenix: So, you're a fan of the Steel Samurai?
(No...uh, racdrops Sherlock!)
Cody: How dare you utter that name, evildoer!
Maya: What do you mean? We're on the Steel Samurai's side!
Cody: H-hah! Hah hah! You can't fool me!
Maya: Okay... then what's the last line said by the innkeeper in Episode 8?
(And here, we have a great example of a "contest of dominance" between an alpha male and an alpha female of the "crazed fan" species...)
Cody: Hah! Easy! "Like some fries with that?"
Dude! That is horribly anachronistic! (And you're saying this about a low budget samurai action show...?!) Indeed, and the cheese is delicious!
Maya: Hmph... not bad, kiddy-o.
And... you've just signed your own "death warrant"... (*munch* *crunch*) (Ew!)
Cody: Watch it!
Phoenix: (What are they doing!?)
Competing to see who's a bigger Steel Samurai fan than the other. Now as for "What happened" the day of the murder...
Phoenix: Say, you heard anything about the incident the other day?
Cody: ...
Maya: You were here, weren't you?
Cody: ...
Aw, come on! We allies of justice need to work together, otherwise evil will prevail!
Phoenix: Did you see anything...?
On the surface, "Most. Vague. Question. Ever."...
Cody: He... he...
Phoenix: ?
Cody: He... always... The Steel Samurai always wins! Always! Yeah, I saw 'em! I saw everything!
Define "everything"...
Maya: What!?
Cody: But... but no way am I telling you losers!
Maya: Wha--!? Wait...
Cody: Lemme go!
(I don't see any... Monster! Is that you!?) (Maybe, maybe not...)
Maya: ...He's gone. Huh? Something fell off the table when he bumped into it on his way out.
Phoenix: A... bottle? Why was this sitting there, I wonder?
'Empty Bottle slipped into pocket.'
'Found on a table in the employee area. The label reads "Sleeping Pills."'
Phoenix: Anyway, what was that kid saying?
Maya: He "saw everything"...
Indeed, a quick scroll up could tell you that. (Maya and Mr. Wright can't see the blog like we or the readers can!) ...I've got an idea! Back to the Main Gate!
Maya: Huh? Where's that old windbag?
(I think I've got an idea where the old windbag is, and I have the "nachos" ready as well!)
Phoenix: Odd of her to leave her post...
Oldbag: (H-hey!!!)
(*munch*)
Maya: Nick! That was her!
Oldbag: (S-stop! Whippersnapper!)
(*crunch*)
Phoenix: Y-yeah. Sounds like she's chasing after that boy.
Just as planned... (You never said anything about a plan.) Oops.
Oldbag: Natch!
Maya: Uh oh, she tripped!
Phoenix: (Maya sure looks happy...)
Let's see, examine the guard station. And quickly! Before the old windbag gets back!
Maya: Hey, hey, Nick. Now's our chance! Let's check out the guard station!
Phoenix: Good idea.
Maya: ...Oh! This is it, Nick! The "Trailer Key"!
Phoenix: The key to that trailer in Studio Two!
Maya: We'll be borrowing this, right, Nick?
[sarcasm] Sure, "borrowing", right... [/sarcasm]
'Trailer Key slipped into your pocket.'
'The key tag reads "Studio Two Trailer."'
Might as well head for that trailer now! (Later, in front of the trailer...) That one spike on the fence looks oddly...bent. Let's examine it!
Phoenix: There's some flowers here.
Maya: Wow, so pretty! They're taking good care of these.
Phoenix: Don't get to close. That fence looks dangerous.
Dang it! Too early, huh... Now for the trailer!
Phoenix: I wonder if the key we borrowed from the guard station will work? ...It opened.
Maya: Great! Let's go, Nick!
Phoenix: (She seems eager all of a sudden...)
Maya: Well, you first, Nick!
Phoenix: (Ah, not THAT eager.)
Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get this proverbial party started!
October 18
Studio Two Trailer
???: ...
Maya: Eek! S-someone's in here!
(Duh! [sarcasm] Where did you think that crash from earlier come from? The Tooth Fairy! [/sarcasm]) Nah, I'd say Toothiana's more likely to be wondering where my last baby tooth is than to have caused that crashing sound.
???: Names.
Maya: O-our n-names? Um, w-we're WP's lawyers, and um...
More like Mr. Wright's WP's lawyer and you're Mr. Wright's Spirit Channeller assistant, but oh well. I've pointed that out often enough already.
???: I see. ...
Maya: A-and who might you...?
(...Be? Why she's the ***** who did it, of course!) (Monster!)
Vasquez: Dee Vasquez. The producer.
At least she's not an "executive producer" who believes themselves to be a God. (*sob* 4Kids Entertainment is dead already! Hasn't the company been punished enough!?) Nope! They're that horrible.
Phoenix: (Dee Vasquez... She's quite beautiful.)
............I'm not quite seeing it but, okay... We have more topics to discuss, this time it's "The day of the crime", "The Steel Samurai", and "The director"...
Phoenix: I was wondering if you could tell me about the day of the murder...
Vasquez: ... ...
Phoenix: M-Ms. Vasquez?
Vasquez: Script.
Yes, that's the format of most of this Let's Play. What about it?
Phoenix: E-excuse me?
Vasquez: Script. I'm looking for a script.
Phoenix: A s-script?
(And now Phoenix's more of a parrot.)
Vasquez: "The Steel Samurai, Episode 13."
(Well, that explains why this "horrible tragedy" happened.)
Vasquez: I need it.
Maya: Umm... could we ask you a bit about the day of the murder?
Vasquez: I need to read it. ...
Maya: ...
Phoenix: ... (We're going nowhere fast.)
And the producer here has a very one-track mind here... (How about we break our little "script" for once and skip to "The director" for once.) Fine.
Phoenix: About the director... Sal Manella, was it? What, er, exactly is his role here...?
Vasquez: Perhaps I didn't make myself clear? I'm looking for a script.
And we're looking for answers!
Vasquez: I can't be bothered with anything else. ...
Maya: Nick? Are all people in the entertainment business this... weird?
Well, as I recall, creativity usually requires "out of the box" thinking. And that usually comes with some... "strange side-effects", so to speak. But I'm getting the strange side-effects already, so why NOT be entertaining!?
Phoenix: It's starting to look like it.
And it's also starting to look like we're going to have to ask her about "The Steel Samurai" as well before... (...we can get a needed plot coupon.)
Maya: Um, w-we'd really like to ask you about the Steel Samurai!
Vasquez: ... ...
Phoenix: Ms. Vasquez?
Vasquez: It's on TV. Every week. That's all I have to say about that.
Maya: N-Nick! She's telling us to go watch TV!? The nerve of her!
Well, not everyone in the entertainment industry is enthusiastic about their work. To some of them, it's just a job like any other... (Show up, go through the motions, get paid. Like normal people!) Dude, no one's really normal. "Normal" as most know it is a myth. ([sarcasm] Whatever you say... [/sarcasm])
Phoenix: Hey, don't get mad at me.
Maya: Nick, let's get out of here. Isn't there someplace else we have to check?
Phoenix: Y-yeah.
Vasquez: Wait.
Phoenix: Y-yes?
Vasquez: If you see Manella, give him this.
(And THERE'S our plot coupon! Yes!)
Maya: W-why do we have to do your errands...!
Because, we want something... (Information.) And she wants something... (That stupid script....) So if we fetch the bloody script, she'll give us the information we want! (Duh! That's the point of a fetch quest!)
Vasquez: ...
Maya: ...
Vasquez: ...
Can we end this stand off... (And get our plot coupon already!?)
Maya: I... I don't think I like her. *sniff*
Phoenix: Don't cry. She'll take it as a sign of weakness. Alright. We'll give it to him if we see him.
'Vasquez's Memo added to the Court Record.'
'The memo reads "Bring me the script for Episode 13."'
Actually, from what I remember from my typing class in High School, E-mails are formatted more like "electronic memos" than "electronic letters"... And, now it's time to have a "meeting with the very l337 director"! (Can you please not use "Leet-speak" anymore!?) Nope, I figure I still have to translate that some more before we're done here. To WP's dressing room! But first, there's something odd about the table outside the trailer...
Phoenix: Looks like two people ate here. There's nothing left on the plates.
Wait a minute! *Looks up*
[flashback]
Manella: It was a pretty regular day. We had a run-through for an action scene in the morning. Then a meeting from lunchtime in the Studio Two trailer. Heh. I was so busy I didn't even get a chance to eat lunch! :(
[/flashback]
Objection! If you really "didn't even get a chance to eat lunch", then why are these plates here empty? (Shimohi, we're not in a courtroom here.)
Maya: Hey, so they ate t-bone steaks too.
Phoenix: What is it with steaks around here?
Maya: Hey! There's always room for steak!
Not if it's covered in Barbecue sauce... (That's because it was in a Hot Pocket!)
Maya: But... something does seem out of place...
Phoenix: What?
Maya: I... don't know. It just feels "odd."
And I know exactly why... (And now for something completely different, a l337-speaking promoted otaku in a dressing room!) (Reference jar! Now!) ...And, now that we're here, time to present Vasquez's Memo to Mr. Manella!
Phoenix: Here. I got this from the producer...
Manella: Huh? "Bring the script for Episode 13"? Episode 13... where did I put that one? ...I must have left it somewhere... *sweats*
(I must say, that is still one of the grossest things ever...) (*munch* *crunch*) (But, obviously, the Monster's "nachos" are more gross. But still, it's up there.)
Manella: U-uh oh... My ass is p0wned if I don't find it... *shakes*
(Yes! I can say the word "ass" in Teen rated games!) Anyway, "U-uh oh... My ass is beat if I don't find it..."
Maya: Nick... It might be quicker to just look in all the places where he's likely to have been.
Phoenix: I agree.
Well, time to check out Studio One. I guess...
Maya: We're back at the scene of the crime. Let's find what we need and get out of here quick, Nick.
"Examine"... the sheets of paper on the director's chair!
Maya: Hey! Look! That's the chair the director sits in! I've always wanted to sit in one of these.
Phoenix: (The director...!) Maya... Take a look around that chair for me, would you? Remember that script the director was talking about? Didn't he say he'd left it somewhere?
Maya: Ahah! Found it Nick! The script!
Phoenix: Good work!
'Script placed in pocket.'
'A "Steel Samurai" script. The cover reads "Episode 13."'
(Oh! Is that the script for that episode we heard about at the start of this case? "The Dark Messenger Returns"? Can we peek...) Unfortunately, no. (Aw man!) Well, we have THIS plot coupon, let's see the producer in the trailer again... and present her with that script already!
Phoenix: Here, we found it! Your script!
It was in Studio One the whole time... (Maybe you should either get off your butt and do some actual work or...) You'd better not be saying something about returning to a kitchen...
Vasquez: Ah.
'Script handed to Dee Vasquez.'
Vasquez: ...
Phoenix: ...Umm... uh... You're not going to talk to us?
Vasquez: Quiet. I'm reading.
Maya: ...! Just you hold on! What's the big idea!? Who do you think you are anyway!? And, do you even know who we are!?
Our drills will both pierce and CREATE the heavens! (Is someone saying stuff like that always going to result in a reference to that anime...) (Absolutely!)
Vasquez: ...Powers's lawyers?
Maya: Umm... right.
Vasquez: Am I a suspect?
Well, not yet...
Maya: N-no, it's just, well, no, but...
Vasquez: ...You wanted to know about the day of the murder?
Maya: Y-yes. Anything you could tell us would be a big help.
Vasquez: ...You know there was a meeting here at noon?
Phoenix: Yes. With the director and the people from the network...
Vasquez: Correct. Now, listen closely. None of the people in this trailer that afternoon went to Studio One.
(Irrelevant! The murder did not happen in Studio One, it happened on that fence outside the trailer! Just gave up the ghost in Studio One! Why else would Shimohi think to inspect the bent fencepost!?) (Then again, "he" felt the need to inspect the empty plates on a inconsequential contradiction.) (I still stand by what I just said.)
Vasquez: It was impossible for us to leave.
Maya: Impossible? Why?
Vasquez: The path was blocked.
Phoenix: The... path?
Now we have a new topic of conversation, "The blocked path"...
Phoenix: On the day of the murder, the path that leads here was blocked?
Vasquez: You saw Mr. Monkey on the way here, correct?
Phoenix: M-"Mr. Monkey"?
You know, that cartoon monkey dressed like a samurai with the signs who's currently missing it's head...
Vasquez: The monkey with the broken head.
Phoenix: Oh, right, that... (What an original name...)
(It's not like "Mr. Monkey" is the only one here with a uninspired name... isn't that right Ms. "Demon" or "Evil Spirit"?) When I named the two of you, I was in High School with only a Japanese-English/English-Japanese Dictionary for help. So both of you had really "uninspired names", it's just that "Akurei" sounded close enough like an actual name to keep it. Your current name is just a reworking of your birth name "Ningen", Niyagi.
Vasquez: Its head fell over in the wind on the day of the murder. They didn't start moving the head out of the way until after 3:00. It was after 4:00 by the time the path was unblocked. Capice?
And now you sound like a Mafia boss...
Vasquez: Everyone in this trailer was stuck here until the path was cleared. Stuck in this trailer. Stuck until after 4:00. Hammer died at 2:30. Thus, none of us could have gone to Studio One.
Maya: W-what!?
Vasquez: It's true. A crane came just after 3:00 to move the head. We called some people in to clear the way. I'm sure they'd corroborate my story.
Phoenix: B-but wait! What if the head fell over after 2:30? Then you could have gone to Studio One!
Vasquez: 2:30... the time of death. ...Very well. Come.
A bit later, outside Studio One...
Vasquez: ...That's "Mr. Monkey." When it wasn't broken, it announced the time... in "ooks." One "ook" per hour. Ook ook ook ook. Always with the ooking.
Phoenix: (It IS a monkey, after all.)
A "monkey" dressed like a samurai, complete with the top knot and everything, but still, a monkey.
Vasquez: Check its head. The clock inside stopped when it broke.
Maya: ...! Nick, it's stopped at 2:15.
Phoenix: 2:15...?
Vasquez: That's right. This path was blocked from 2:15 till after 4:00. Therefore, we're innocent.
(Nope, you did it, and before this case is through, we'll prove it!) (How can you be so sure of this!?) Duh! I played this game before. So, this is more of a "reverse whodunnit" for me.
Phoenix: Mr. Hammer died in Studio One at 2:30...
Vasquez: See? Good bye.
'Mr. Monkey data added to the Court Record.'
'Blocked the path to the scene of the crime between 2:15 PM and 4:00 PM.'
Maya: What do we do, Nick? There isn't anyone besides WP who could have killed Hammer!
Well, like I said, this is like a reverse whodunnit for me. Might as well snack on something. *chew* *chew* (Gross!) What? I'm just eating microwaved turkey hot dogs. Akurei's the one who eats the long pork around here. (Damn straight! *munch* *crunch*)
Maya: It's over... We're finished!
Phoenix: (It sure doesn't look good. Guess we should head back to the office and plan our strategy...)
You heard the lawyer, to the office! Away!
Phoenix: (A "hostage"...!?)
Okay, just who or what is this "hostage"...?
Phoenix: What's this about a "hostage"?
Oldbag: Huff... huff... W-when that boy was running away...he dropped this, a-and ran! Huff... huff... H-he'll come back... huff... huff... for this one!
Phoenix: (It's kind of hard to understand her with all that huffing and puffing.)
Mia: Phoenix! That "hostage" might be what we need! Cody might talk to us if we gave him that!
Phoenix: (Good idea!) Ms. Oldbag! Might I...
Oldbag: No! I'm catching that brat if it's the last thing I do!
Mia: Phoenix. Do you have anything you might trade with her?
Phoenix: (A trade, hmm... I wonder...?)
(Let's see, how about we do our usual thing in reverse?) Fine, let's hear about "The director. et al."... Whatever the "et al." bit means...
Phoenix: Actually, I met with the director just now...
Oldbag: Eh? Hah... my heart, it don't feel so good.
Phoenix: (Is she okay!?)
Oldbag: B-before I go, I'd like to v-visit the place where poor H-Hammer died...
Phoenix: (Right... she was saying she wanted to visit the studio where he died.)
(We don't have any reason to go to Studio One anyway, why NOT give the Jack Hammer fangirl the Cardkey?)
Oldbag: H-hey... that... huff... That's a card... huff... Studio One?
Phoenix: Right. A cardkey to Studio One.
Oldbag: Huff... puff... I... I could visit poor Hammer... I'd like to visit... huff... he died... whew. I was his... his fan.
Phoenix: You don't have your own card, Ms. Oldbag?
Oldbag: Studio One isn't my turf. Huff... huff... You'll let me borrow... borrow it, then?
Phoenix: (If I give her the card key, then I won't be able to get into Studio One...!)
-Keep the cardkey-
-Lend her the cardkey-
Mia: Why don't you let her borrow it, Phoenix?
Phoenix: I guess it can't hurt. Here you go, Ms. Oldbag.
'Cardkey lent to Ms. Oldbag.'
Oldbag: ...Listen to me, sonny. I don't like having debts to no whippersnappers. You take this, and we're even. Deal?
Phoenix: What's this...? A Steel Samurai trading card?
Oldbag: That sneaky kid dropped it! I figure it's pretty important to him, though.
Phoenix: Thank you, I may have a use for this. (This must be the "hostage" she was talking about.)
'Steel Samurai Card added to the Court Record.'
'A trading card. Apparently, these are really popular with kids these days.'
Oldbag: Right. I'm off.
Phoenix: (There she goes, hobbling off toward the studio...)
Now what? (Where did we last see Cody, the fanboy?) The Employee Area. (That's the "ticket"!)
Will we prove Will Powers's innocence? (We'd better, that will be our last segment for that case!) Or are we, as we fear, completely and utterly screwed? (It sure sounds like it.) Check back on the blog for the exciting conclusion to the case of "Turnabout Samurai", "The eyes are a fun house mirror to the soul"! (The title of the next post is definately not THAT! Besides, we have reference jar business to take care of...)
Monty Python Reference Jar
Akurei: $21
Shimohi: $14
(Well, that explains why this "horrible tragedy" happened.)
Vasquez: I need it.
Maya: Umm... could we ask you a bit about the day of the murder?
Vasquez: I need to read it. ...
Maya: ...
Phoenix: ... (We're going nowhere fast.)
And the producer here has a very one-track mind here... (How about we break our little "script" for once and skip to "The director" for once.) Fine.
Phoenix: About the director... Sal Manella, was it? What, er, exactly is his role here...?
Vasquez: Perhaps I didn't make myself clear? I'm looking for a script.
And we're looking for answers!
Vasquez: I can't be bothered with anything else. ...
Maya: Nick? Are all people in the entertainment business this... weird?
Well, as I recall, creativity usually requires "out of the box" thinking. And that usually comes with some... "strange side-effects", so to speak. But I'm getting the strange side-effects already, so why NOT be entertaining!?
Phoenix: It's starting to look like it.
And it's also starting to look like we're going to have to ask her about "The Steel Samurai" as well before... (...we can get a needed plot coupon.)
Maya: Um, w-we'd really like to ask you about the Steel Samurai!
Vasquez: ... ...
Phoenix: Ms. Vasquez?
Vasquez: It's on TV. Every week. That's all I have to say about that.
Maya: N-Nick! She's telling us to go watch TV!? The nerve of her!
Well, not everyone in the entertainment industry is enthusiastic about their work. To some of them, it's just a job like any other... (Show up, go through the motions, get paid. Like normal people!) Dude, no one's really normal. "Normal" as most know it is a myth. ([sarcasm] Whatever you say... [/sarcasm])
Phoenix: Hey, don't get mad at me.
Maya: Nick, let's get out of here. Isn't there someplace else we have to check?
Phoenix: Y-yeah.
Vasquez: Wait.
Phoenix: Y-yes?
Vasquez: If you see Manella, give him this.
(And THERE'S our plot coupon! Yes!)
Maya: W-why do we have to do your errands...!
Because, we want something... (Information.) And she wants something... (That stupid script....) So if we fetch the bloody script, she'll give us the information we want! (Duh! That's the point of a fetch quest!)
Vasquez: ...
Maya: ...
Vasquez: ...
Can we end this stand off... (And get our plot coupon already!?)
Maya: I... I don't think I like her. *sniff*
Phoenix: Don't cry. She'll take it as a sign of weakness. Alright. We'll give it to him if we see him.
'Vasquez's Memo added to the Court Record.'
'The memo reads "Bring me the script for Episode 13."'
Actually, from what I remember from my typing class in High School, E-mails are formatted more like "electronic memos" than "electronic letters"... And, now it's time to have a "meeting with the very l337 director"! (Can you please not use "Leet-speak" anymore!?) Nope, I figure I still have to translate that some more before we're done here. To WP's dressing room! But first, there's something odd about the table outside the trailer...
Phoenix: Looks like two people ate here. There's nothing left on the plates.
Wait a minute! *Looks up*
[flashback]
Manella: It was a pretty regular day. We had a run-through for an action scene in the morning. Then a meeting from lunchtime in the Studio Two trailer. Heh. I was so busy I didn't even get a chance to eat lunch! :(
[/flashback]
Objection! If you really "didn't even get a chance to eat lunch", then why are these plates here empty? (Shimohi, we're not in a courtroom here.)
Maya: Hey, so they ate t-bone steaks too.
Phoenix: What is it with steaks around here?
Maya: Hey! There's always room for steak!
Not if it's covered in Barbecue sauce... (That's because it was in a Hot Pocket!)
Maya: But... something does seem out of place...
Phoenix: What?
Maya: I... don't know. It just feels "odd."
And I know exactly why... (And now for something completely different, a l337-speaking promoted otaku in a dressing room!) (Reference jar! Now!) ...And, now that we're here, time to present Vasquez's Memo to Mr. Manella!
Phoenix: Here. I got this from the producer...
Manella: Huh? "Bring the script for Episode 13"? Episode 13... where did I put that one? ...I must have left it somewhere... *sweats*
(I must say, that is still one of the grossest things ever...) (*munch* *crunch*) (But, obviously, the Monster's "nachos" are more gross. But still, it's up there.)
Manella: U-uh oh... My ass is p0wned if I don't find it... *shakes*
(Yes! I can say the word "ass" in Teen rated games!) Anyway, "U-uh oh... My ass is beat if I don't find it..."
Maya: Nick... It might be quicker to just look in all the places where he's likely to have been.
Phoenix: I agree.
Well, time to check out Studio One. I guess...
Maya: We're back at the scene of the crime. Let's find what we need and get out of here quick, Nick.
"Examine"... the sheets of paper on the director's chair!
Maya: Hey! Look! That's the chair the director sits in! I've always wanted to sit in one of these.
Phoenix: (The director...!) Maya... Take a look around that chair for me, would you? Remember that script the director was talking about? Didn't he say he'd left it somewhere?
Maya: Ahah! Found it Nick! The script!
Phoenix: Good work!
'Script placed in pocket.'
'A "Steel Samurai" script. The cover reads "Episode 13."'
(Oh! Is that the script for that episode we heard about at the start of this case? "The Dark Messenger Returns"? Can we peek...) Unfortunately, no. (Aw man!) Well, we have THIS plot coupon, let's see the producer in the trailer again... and present her with that script already!
Phoenix: Here, we found it! Your script!
It was in Studio One the whole time... (Maybe you should either get off your butt and do some actual work or...) You'd better not be saying something about returning to a kitchen...
Vasquez: Ah.
'Script handed to Dee Vasquez.'
Vasquez: ...
Phoenix: ...Umm... uh... You're not going to talk to us?
Vasquez: Quiet. I'm reading.
Maya: ...! Just you hold on! What's the big idea!? Who do you think you are anyway!? And, do you even know who we are!?
Our drills will both pierce and CREATE the heavens! (Is someone saying stuff like that always going to result in a reference to that anime...) (Absolutely!)
Vasquez: ...Powers's lawyers?
Maya: Umm... right.
Vasquez: Am I a suspect?
Well, not yet...
Maya: N-no, it's just, well, no, but...
Vasquez: ...You wanted to know about the day of the murder?
Maya: Y-yes. Anything you could tell us would be a big help.
Vasquez: ...You know there was a meeting here at noon?
Phoenix: Yes. With the director and the people from the network...
Vasquez: Correct. Now, listen closely. None of the people in this trailer that afternoon went to Studio One.
(Irrelevant! The murder did not happen in Studio One, it happened on that fence outside the trailer! Just gave up the ghost in Studio One! Why else would Shimohi think to inspect the bent fencepost!?) (Then again, "he" felt the need to inspect the empty plates on a inconsequential contradiction.) (I still stand by what I just said.)
Vasquez: It was impossible for us to leave.
Maya: Impossible? Why?
Vasquez: The path was blocked.
Phoenix: The... path?
Now we have a new topic of conversation, "The blocked path"...
Phoenix: On the day of the murder, the path that leads here was blocked?
Vasquez: You saw Mr. Monkey on the way here, correct?
Phoenix: M-"Mr. Monkey"?
You know, that cartoon monkey dressed like a samurai with the signs who's currently missing it's head...
Vasquez: The monkey with the broken head.
Phoenix: Oh, right, that... (What an original name...)
(It's not like "Mr. Monkey" is the only one here with a uninspired name... isn't that right Ms. "Demon" or "Evil Spirit"?) When I named the two of you, I was in High School with only a Japanese-English/English-Japanese Dictionary for help. So both of you had really "uninspired names", it's just that "Akurei" sounded close enough like an actual name to keep it. Your current name is just a reworking of your birth name "Ningen", Niyagi.
Vasquez: Its head fell over in the wind on the day of the murder. They didn't start moving the head out of the way until after 3:00. It was after 4:00 by the time the path was unblocked. Capice?
And now you sound like a Mafia boss...
Vasquez: Everyone in this trailer was stuck here until the path was cleared. Stuck in this trailer. Stuck until after 4:00. Hammer died at 2:30. Thus, none of us could have gone to Studio One.
Maya: W-what!?
Vasquez: It's true. A crane came just after 3:00 to move the head. We called some people in to clear the way. I'm sure they'd corroborate my story.
Phoenix: B-but wait! What if the head fell over after 2:30? Then you could have gone to Studio One!
Vasquez: 2:30... the time of death. ...Very well. Come.
A bit later, outside Studio One...
Vasquez: ...That's "Mr. Monkey." When it wasn't broken, it announced the time... in "ooks." One "ook" per hour. Ook ook ook ook. Always with the ooking.
Phoenix: (It IS a monkey, after all.)
A "monkey" dressed like a samurai, complete with the top knot and everything, but still, a monkey.
Vasquez: Check its head. The clock inside stopped when it broke.
Maya: ...! Nick, it's stopped at 2:15.
Phoenix: 2:15...?
Vasquez: That's right. This path was blocked from 2:15 till after 4:00. Therefore, we're innocent.
(Nope, you did it, and before this case is through, we'll prove it!) (How can you be so sure of this!?) Duh! I played this game before. So, this is more of a "reverse whodunnit" for me.
Phoenix: Mr. Hammer died in Studio One at 2:30...
Vasquez: See? Good bye.
'Mr. Monkey data added to the Court Record.'
'Blocked the path to the scene of the crime between 2:15 PM and 4:00 PM.'
Maya: What do we do, Nick? There isn't anyone besides WP who could have killed Hammer!
Well, like I said, this is like a reverse whodunnit for me. Might as well snack on something. *chew* *chew* (Gross!) What? I'm just eating microwaved turkey hot dogs. Akurei's the one who eats the long pork around here. (Damn straight! *munch* *crunch*)
Maya: It's over... We're finished!
Phoenix: (It sure doesn't look good. Guess we should head back to the office and plan our strategy...)
You heard the lawyer, to the office! Away!
October 18
Wright & Co. Law Offices
Phoenix: Now what... We're fresh out of clues. Everyone's alibi is water-tight. We don't even have any promising leads. Things are looking pretty grim.
???: It's a little early for giving up, don't you think?
Phoenix: Huh?
???: You've got one lead...
The fanboy!
Phoenix: M-Mia! It's you! What took you so long!?
Mia: Sorry, Phoenix. Maya has trouble calling me unless she's really in trouble.
Phoenix: Right! Oh, wait. I guess that means we're really in trouble.
Mia: I'd say so.
Phoenix: What did you mean, we have one lead...?
Mia: The boy, of course.
Told ya.
Cody: Yeah, I saw 'em. I saw everything!
Maya: What!?
Cody: But... but no way am I telling you losers!
Phoenix: I dunno. He didn't sound like he was going to help us at all.
Mia: I'm sure you can find some way of bringing him over to your side. Either way, we should get back to the studios. That boy is our last hope, Phoenix.
Phoenix: (Thanks, now I'm more worried than I was before...)
And now we head back to the studios...again...
October 18
Global Studios
Main Gate
Oldbag: Huff... puff... huff... puff... huff... puff... huff... Huff... puff... huff... puff... huff... puff... huff...
Phoenix: W-what's wrong?
Oldbag: Huff... puff... huff... puff... whih... whippersnapper!
Phoenix: (She's been casing that boy this whole time.)
Oldbag: Huff... puff... when... when I ca... catch him... I... huff...
Phoenix: (Sounds like she hasn't had any luck catching him.)
Oldbag: Huff... puff... I... I got a hostage now, whippersnapper!Phoenix: (A "hostage"...!?)
Okay, just who or what is this "hostage"...?
Phoenix: What's this about a "hostage"?
Oldbag: Huff... huff... W-when that boy was running away...he dropped this, a-and ran! Huff... huff... H-he'll come back... huff... huff... for this one!
Phoenix: (It's kind of hard to understand her with all that huffing and puffing.)
Mia: Phoenix! That "hostage" might be what we need! Cody might talk to us if we gave him that!
Phoenix: (Good idea!) Ms. Oldbag! Might I...
Oldbag: No! I'm catching that brat if it's the last thing I do!
Mia: Phoenix. Do you have anything you might trade with her?
Phoenix: (A trade, hmm... I wonder...?)
(Let's see, how about we do our usual thing in reverse?) Fine, let's hear about "The director. et al."... Whatever the "et al." bit means...
Phoenix: Actually, I met with the director just now...
Oldbag: Eh? Hah... my heart, it don't feel so good.
Phoenix: (Is she okay!?)
Oldbag: B-before I go, I'd like to v-visit the place where poor H-Hammer died...
Phoenix: (Right... she was saying she wanted to visit the studio where he died.)
(We don't have any reason to go to Studio One anyway, why NOT give the Jack Hammer fangirl the Cardkey?)
Oldbag: H-hey... that... huff... That's a card... huff... Studio One?
Phoenix: Right. A cardkey to Studio One.
Oldbag: Huff... puff... I... I could visit poor Hammer... I'd like to visit... huff... he died... whew. I was his... his fan.
Phoenix: You don't have your own card, Ms. Oldbag?
Oldbag: Studio One isn't my turf. Huff... huff... You'll let me borrow... borrow it, then?
Phoenix: (If I give her the card key, then I won't be able to get into Studio One...!)
-Keep the cardkey-
-Lend her the cardkey-
Mia: Why don't you let her borrow it, Phoenix?
Phoenix: I guess it can't hurt. Here you go, Ms. Oldbag.
'Cardkey lent to Ms. Oldbag.'
Oldbag: ...Listen to me, sonny. I don't like having debts to no whippersnappers. You take this, and we're even. Deal?
Phoenix: What's this...? A Steel Samurai trading card?
Oldbag: That sneaky kid dropped it! I figure it's pretty important to him, though.
Phoenix: Thank you, I may have a use for this. (This must be the "hostage" she was talking about.)
'Steel Samurai Card added to the Court Record.'
'A trading card. Apparently, these are really popular with kids these days.'
Oldbag: Right. I'm off.
Phoenix: (There she goes, hobbling off toward the studio...)
Now what? (Where did we last see Cody, the fanboy?) The Employee Area. (That's the "ticket"!)
October 18
Global Studios
Employee Area
Phoenix: Hey! Hey, you! W-wait a sec!
Mia: ...Phoenix... Was that the boy?
Phoenix: Yeah. His name's "Cody Hackins."
(So... he has programming knowledge and knows how to hack?) That's...for a future case...
Mia: I think he ran into the dressing room.
(NO!!! Last we checked, the gross otaku was in there!) Excuse me! (I doubt the Pansy's going to include a "present company exempted" addendum.) Well let's go to...
Phoenix: He's sure to be in here somewhere...
Like hidden in among the clothing on that rod over there near the couch?
Phoenix: Found you!
(So he was seriously hiding there...) (I highly doubt that.)
Cody: ...!
Phoenix: Dammit! He's getting away!
Mia: Come back! ...There. He's back.
Phoenix: (How did she...!?)
(Ancient technique of "I have breasts, you must obey me!") *facepalm* Cody's a little boy! (So's Aladdin, and yet...) (Too much information! And besides...EW!)
Cody: ...
Mia: Hey there. Would you mind helping us out? Please?
Cody: ...I'I'm Cody.
Mia: Hello, Cody. I'm Mia. Mia Fey. Nice to meet you.
Just wait till he hears that she's been dead for about a month now... (Dun-dun-mother****ing dun!)
Cody: Yo.
Phoenix: And I'm Phoenix Wright!
Cody: Who asked?
Mia: Phoenix, you can take it from here.
Phoenix: (I'm not so sure I'm qualified...)
Apparently Nappa is... (Majoring in Child Psychology after all...WITH A MINOR IN PAIN!) Anyway, we have that missing card...
Phoenix: Cody... This look familiar?
Cody: Hey! My UR!
Phoenix: "You are"... huh?
(What?!) I think that's supposed to be short for "Ultra Rare".
Cody: "U.R." You know, "ultra rare"! That card's really hard to get!
Told you.
Cody: Man, for a grown-up, you sure are dumb!
Actually, I think it's more like he did collect trading cards when he was your age. (Although Shimohi's an adult, he knows because he collected trading cards at your age.) And I still do... Sort of. (You need to grow up!) Actually... "What's the point of being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes?"
Phoenix: I'll give you this... IF you help me.
Cody: But that's my card! By offering me something I already own, you're in effect eschewing the very basis of our consumer society, namely the principle of fail trade!
(Wow... That actually sounded smart...) Yeah, don't underestimate peoples intelligence, especially if they're young...
Cody: Man, for a grown-up, you sure are dumb!
Still, there's no need for name calling here.
Phoenix: (W-what do they teach these kids in school these days!? Quantum physics!?)
Actually, I wouldn't be too suprised if Cody learned about this stuff on the Internet. (Which is really, really, great...) (For Porn!)
Cody: Whatever, I don't need that card.
Phoenix: Huh?
Cody: I got a double.
That explains it.
Cody: Just keep it. It's yours.
Nice gesture there, Cody, but we do need the help and I think only Maya's going to be interested in this at all.
Phoenix: (What!? After I went through all that trouble...)
Cody: If you want to trade, find me a REALLY rare card!
That's supply and demand for ya.
Phoenix: "Really rare"!? You mean there's something rarer than "Ultra Rare"!?
Well, there's "Secret Rare", "Triple Rare" or stuff like that.
Cody: Ultra Rare Premium cards are way rarer than plain Ultra Rare cards! Come ON! Man, for a grown-up, you sure are dumb!
There's a difference between ignorance and stupidity.
Phoenix: Premium... rare... why do I feel like we're talking about steaks?
Probably because steaks were talked about quite a bit today, so that was the first thing that came to mind.
(We found one plot coupon in Studio Two, let's see if they've restocked yet.) Might as well... What do we have here? (A van... Where are you going with this?) I can't believe I overlooked this!
Phoenix: A light van for moving staff and equipment around. They've kept it in pretty good shape. Looks like it'd run fine.
Well, that didn't pan out. Let's check out the...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Mia: ...Phoenix... Was that the boy?
Phoenix: Yeah. His name's "Cody Hackins."
(So... he has programming knowledge and knows how to hack?) That's...for a future case...
Mia: I think he ran into the dressing room.
(NO!!! Last we checked, the gross otaku was in there!) Excuse me! (I doubt the Pansy's going to include a "present company exempted" addendum.) Well let's go to...
October 18
Global Studios
Dressing Room
Phoenix: He's sure to be in here somewhere...
Like hidden in among the clothing on that rod over there near the couch?
Phoenix: Found you!
(So he was seriously hiding there...) (I highly doubt that.)
Cody: ...!
Phoenix: Dammit! He's getting away!
Mia: Come back! ...There. He's back.
Phoenix: (How did she...!?)
(Ancient technique of "I have breasts, you must obey me!") *facepalm* Cody's a little boy! (So's Aladdin, and yet...) (Too much information! And besides...EW!)
Cody: ...
Mia: Hey there. Would you mind helping us out? Please?
Cody: ...I'I'm Cody.
Mia: Hello, Cody. I'm Mia. Mia Fey. Nice to meet you.
Just wait till he hears that she's been dead for about a month now... (Dun-dun-mother****ing dun!)
Cody: Yo.
Phoenix: And I'm Phoenix Wright!
Cody: Who asked?
Mia: Phoenix, you can take it from here.
Phoenix: (I'm not so sure I'm qualified...)
Apparently Nappa is... (Majoring in Child Psychology after all...WITH A MINOR IN PAIN!) Anyway, we have that missing card...
Phoenix: Cody... This look familiar?
Cody: Hey! My UR!
Phoenix: "You are"... huh?
(What?!) I think that's supposed to be short for "Ultra Rare".
Cody: "U.R." You know, "ultra rare"! That card's really hard to get!
Told you.
Cody: Man, for a grown-up, you sure are dumb!
Actually, I think it's more like he did collect trading cards when he was your age. (Although Shimohi's an adult, he knows because he collected trading cards at your age.) And I still do... Sort of. (You need to grow up!) Actually... "What's the point of being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes?"
Phoenix: I'll give you this... IF you help me.
Cody: But that's my card! By offering me something I already own, you're in effect eschewing the very basis of our consumer society, namely the principle of fail trade!
(Wow... That actually sounded smart...) Yeah, don't underestimate peoples intelligence, especially if they're young...
Cody: Man, for a grown-up, you sure are dumb!
Still, there's no need for name calling here.
Phoenix: (W-what do they teach these kids in school these days!? Quantum physics!?)
Actually, I wouldn't be too suprised if Cody learned about this stuff on the Internet. (Which is really, really, great...) (For Porn!)
Cody: Whatever, I don't need that card.
Phoenix: Huh?
Cody: I got a double.
That explains it.
Cody: Just keep it. It's yours.
Nice gesture there, Cody, but we do need the help and I think only Maya's going to be interested in this at all.
Phoenix: (What!? After I went through all that trouble...)
Cody: If you want to trade, find me a REALLY rare card!
That's supply and demand for ya.
Phoenix: "Really rare"!? You mean there's something rarer than "Ultra Rare"!?
Well, there's "Secret Rare", "Triple Rare" or stuff like that.
Cody: Ultra Rare Premium cards are way rarer than plain Ultra Rare cards! Come ON! Man, for a grown-up, you sure are dumb!
There's a difference between ignorance and stupidity.
Phoenix: Premium... rare... why do I feel like we're talking about steaks?
Probably because steaks were talked about quite a bit today, so that was the first thing that came to mind.
(We found one plot coupon in Studio Two, let's see if they've restocked yet.) Might as well... What do we have here? (A van... Where are you going with this?) I can't believe I overlooked this!
Phoenix: A light van for moving staff and equipment around. They've kept it in pretty good shape. Looks like it'd run fine.
Well, that didn't pan out. Let's check out the...
October 18
Studio Two Trailer
Penny: Oh, hi.
Phoenix: Hello. What brings you here?
Penny: Oh, well, I had to arrange some stuff... Umm...
Phoenix: Yes?
Penny: The, um, girl with you. Doesn't she seem a little different?
(Rather observant, isn't she.) I thought it was pretty obvious, but whatever.
Penny: Like, is she even the same person as before?
Phoenix: Um, nope! She's the same as always.
Time to make a Bluff check for Phoenix Wright... Wow! It's an 18! (Not to mention that I suspect that he'd have at least ten ranks in Bluff, let's see how this goes...)
Mia: Same as always.
I think that should count as "help another" action...19. Which, I think, adds a plus three to Phoenix's bluff check...
Penny: Okay... whatever you say...
Well, that was an epicly high roll. Good job there Phoenix! Anyway, the topics of conversation this time are "The fanboy" and "Mr. Hammer", we did have to deal with him earlier so...
Phoenix: Have you seen that boy since then?
Penny: Nope. You missed it, though. The security lady was chasing around after the boy so fast I thought she'd collapse.
Speaking, of which, she almost DID earlier due to lack of oxygen.
Penny: Of course, he got away in the end. Boy, was she mad!
So... "Confound those fanboys! They drive me to drink!" (Is probably what the old windbag's thinking about this whole chase scene beeswax.)
Phoenix: Actually, we saw them. How's the old windbag doing?
So, Akurei and I aren't the only ones to refer to Wendy Oldbag as that.
Penny: She was squeezing donuts through her clenched fists back at the guard station.
Funny... Must not have been paying attention then...
Phoenix: (Some people take their jobs a little too seriously.)
But it's just as bad to not take your job seriously enough as well. Next topic is "Mr. Hammer"...
Phoenix: Are all the posters on the wall here of Hammer?
Seriously? *looks*
Penny: Yes. It's really a terrible loss for the studios.
Okay, I'll just take your word for it then...
Phoenix: But... his popularity had been waning recently, right?
Penny: That's true. Then again, after what happened...
Phoenix: After WHAT happened?
What he said. (Oh, you know what happened. You've played this before!)
Penny: Y-you mean, you don't know about Hammer...?
Phoenix: No, what?
Penny: I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.
And we have a new topic, "What happened?" Why not ask that next?
Phoenix: Wait, now you have to tell me. What happened with Hammer?
Penny: I-I'm sorry. I'm probably not the one who should tell you.
Phoenix: (Uh oh. Why do I get the feeling something's being covered up here?)
Because something IS being covered up here. (Let's see if Penny wants that trading card.) Fine, fine, whatever...
Phoenix: Do you know anything about this?
Oh no, that sounds suspiciously generic...
Penny: Hey, that's a Steel Samurai trading card. I collect those, actually. I'm one card away from a complete set!
And... We've struck pay dirt!
Phoenix: A complete set?
Penny: Yeah, a set of one of each card.
That is something some fans do.
Phoenix: Huh...
Penny: ...Wait... Waitwaitwaitwait!!! That's it!!! That's the card I need! You don't know how long I've been looking for it!
(Sounds like Penny's struck pay dirt as well.)
Phoenix: Uh...
Penny: I don't care what kind of girl you might think I am, I need that card!
Gender is irrelevant, you're a fan of a show... (...or game in other cases...) that brings you joy! That's all that matters.
Penny: P-please! I beg you! Please trade with me!
And THAT'S what a "trading" card game is about! None of the equivalent of the "Stocks and bonds" bull! (You're being too serious about a bunch of cardboard rectangles.)
Phoenix: T-trade with you?
Penny: Yes, trade cards! Look, I'll even trade you an Ultra Rare Premium card!
*looks up* So, there was a plot coupon in here, again, after all. (Told you.)
Phoenix: Trade me a... huh?
Not a fast learner, are ya Mr. Wright...
Penny: Yes, it's a good deal for your Ultra Rare!
Indeed, Penny's the one "losing" on this deal if raw value is all you care about. But since both sides has something the other wants, it's all fair to me.
Penny: Please!!!
Do it!
Mia: Phoenix! Can't you see she's desperate?
Phoenix: (W-what's everybody getting so excited about...?)
-Trade-
-Don't trade-
(No points for guessing what Shimohi's going to do here.)
Phoenix: Okay.
Penny: Really!? Th-thanks!!! Then this is for you.
'URP Card added to the Court Record.'
'An "Ultra Rare Premium" Steel Samurai collectable card. Very valuable.'
Valuable to some but, as Phoenix and Niyagi demonstrate, not to others...
Penny: Yaa-hoo!
"Rupurudu!" (That's more of a "Yahoo" than a "Wahoo", but close enough for government work.)
Phoenix: (And there she goes...)
Mia: Doesn't doing good things like that make you feel great?
Phoenix: Yeah. Yeah, it does.
We have the plot coupon, time to cash it in! (Later, at the dressing room...)
Phoenix: See this card?
Cody: Yeah, so... Wait! That's it!!! That's the last Ultra Rare Premium card I need!
Good thing Phoenix picked this one instead of the other two. (Penny was offering THREE cards!?) Yeah... I just... Didn't mention it, earlier...
Cody: C'mon give it to me, please! You gotta give it to me!
Phoenix: (Wow, I've never seen him so... eager.)
Come one now, let's trade it. This card for information that we need to save an innocent man's life.
Phoenix: R-right! Okay! How about a trade?
Cody: You're on! I'll give you a "Samurai Spear" and throw in an "Evil Magistrate" to boot!!
Phoenix: No no no no... not that kind of trade. I don't want cards. I want information.
Indeed, this isn't a game or show like "Yu-gi-oh!" or "CardFight!! Vanguard" so, no, we're not looking for trading cards.
Cody: Huh? You sure? Fine by me!
'Gave URP Card to Cody.'
Mia: Okay, Phoenix. Let's hear what he has to say. If he knows something that could help us, we can have him take the stand tomorrow.
Now that he'll talk to us, the available topics are "The Steel Samurai" and "What happened". Well, might as well get the first one out of the way...
Phoenix: So... you like the Steel Samurai.
([sarcasm] Hey, Phoenix! Here's some more breaking news! The sky is blue! [/sarcasm])
Cody: He's so cool!
Phoenix: I... I guess.
Cody: You're judging him by his looks! You have to look at this actions, at his life!
Phoenix: (I'm being lectured on life by a grade schooler...)
Not all kids are not stupid, and not all grown-ups are smart.
Cody: You like him too, don'tcha?
Phoenix: Uh... Oh, me? Y-yeah! I, um, love the Steel Samurai.
Cody: So, tell me what your favorite thing about the Steel Samurai is!
-His kind nature-
-His fighting skills-
-Will Powers's acting-
(This is a little boy, most likely he's only going to be interested in that nasty fighting.) Honestly, I do like the fighting as well, but... ("With great power there must also come — great responsibility!" Yeah... Spider-man and all that.)
Phoenix: (Got to think of something...) I like it when he, uh, he vanquishes his foes!
Cody: Yeah! Whizzam!
(Told you.)
Cody: The Steel Samurai always wins! Always! Check this out! It's my fan album!
Phoenix: What the...? It's all pictures of the Steel Samurai.
I noticed that said "album" reads "Samurai Scrapbook" on the cover...
Cody: I go to every live performance!
That takes dedication.
Phoenix: (Those stupid publicity stunts where they beat each other up in public...?)
No, they don't ACTUALLY beat each other up. It's just another form of acting. Like Professional Wrestling.
Cody: I always take a picture when the Steel Samurai lands the final blow! Whizzam! I got 'em all! I never missed one! A perfect collection!
Again, that takes dedication.
Cody: Check it out! My new digital camera!
Big deal, my phone is a digital camera. (It's also a digital camcorder.) (Which is how Shimohi here can type the stuff that auto-scrolls.)
Mia: Wow, that's very impressive. The newest model, isn't it?
[sarcasm] Wow, Mia, we're just one line away from being an example of product placement. [/sarcasm]
Cody: You bet, lady! I just got it for my birthday.
Congratulations! How old did you turn that day?
Cody: My album has a name, wanna hear it? "The Steel Samurai: Path to Glory."
Sounds like the title of a fan fiction to me.
Cody: The Steel Samurai always wins! Always! Hey, if you want this, you can have it, lady.
Mia: Really? Are you sure?
Cody: Yeah, I took these with a digital camera. I got all the data at home so I can always make another one.
And spread the love for a, apparently, great toku show. I don't see why not!
Mia: Well, then I'm happy to accept! Thank you.
'"Path to Glory" received.'
'Contains photos of every victory scene in every battle the Steel Samurai has won.'
Phoenix: (What's with people always giving stuff to Mia? What a life!)
I wouldn't envy the sexual harassment that huge... tracts of land can attract. (Reference jar...again!)
Mia: ?
Well, now for what we came for. Information about "What happened"...
Phoenix: You were here on the day of the... incident, right?
Cody: Yeah...
Phoenix: Did you see anything unusual?
Cody: ...
Mia: Cody.
Cody: !
Mia: Cody, he needs to know because he's fighting for justice. Isn't that the Steel Samurai's motto? "For great justice"?
Actually, that just reminds me of "Zero Wing". But what the hell!
Mia: You have to help us fight for great justice, too.
Cody: I... I saw... I saw everything!
We get that already! Now elaborate on just what "everything" means in this case?
Phoenix: (Well, well... We might get some useful information out of him yet.)
And a new topic, "What you saw" that will hopefully be just that...
Phoenix: Cody... I need to ask you something very important. What did you see on the day of the incident?
Cody: ...I got here that day around 2:00... I had to come in through the woods out back so that old lady wouldn't see me. I got kinda lost, though. I was in there for maybe a half hour or so. Then I finally got to the studio. After that...
Mia: What is it, Cody?
Cody: Th-the Steel Samurai killed the bad guy! He used his Samurai Spear! Just like always! One shot, one kill! It happened so fast... I got scared. I went home after that.
Phoenix: I... I see. It must have been hard for you.
Cody: Man, you say those nice things but it's so obvious you aren't speaking from the heart.
Phoenix: (Umm... right.) Mia?
Mia: Yes?
Phoenix: I think we can say for sure this means the Steel Samurai did it.
Mia: True enough.
Wait! No! That can't be true! Or are you saying my memories are a lie!?
Phoenix: And the director has an alibi, so it wasn't him.
Mia: Indeed.
Phoenix: So... the only person left who it could have been is Will Powers!
Mia: ...I have to admit, it's kind of a shock. But if you put this boy on the witness stand, your client will be "guilty" for sure.
Phoenix: Let's not call him then...
But that won't stop the prosecution from doing so instead.
Mia: I think that would be wise. Best to leave this one alone.
???: Not so fast, pal!
[sarcasm] Great, it's Dick Gumshoe again... [/sarcasm]
Gumshoe: I heard everything!
Told you.
Gumshoe: This boy here's a key witness! And he's under police protection, starting now! C'mon, son. You've got a rendezvous with me down at the precinct!
Cody: No! I ain't going! Wahh!
(I heard something like this happened to you, Shimohi, except it was more like you getting lost in a Christmas tree farm with a friend and refusing to go into the police car because the police officer was a "stranger".)
Mia: ...That didn't go so well. We're back to zero leads.
And we're screwed...
Mia: And now we have a serious handicap in court.
Well, that's a nicer way of putting it.
Phoenix: W-what're we going to do, Mia!
Mia: Well, hmm... I... really need to be going. Don't worry, Phoenix. I'm sure you'll be fine!
Phoenix: Whoa whoa whoa! C-come to the trail tomorrow, please! I need you there!
Mia: Phoenix, can I ask you something? Do you really believe that Mr. Powers is innocent?
-I believe-
-I don't know-
I want to believe... (Now you're throwing in an X-Files reference...)
Phoenix: Of course he is!
Mia: ...That's all I wanted to hear. Excellent. I'll see you in court, then.
And, this time, it's NOT a threat to sue someone.
Phoenix: Great! Thanks, Mia!
Mia: See you soon.
'To be continued.'
Phoenix: Have you seen that boy since then?
Penny: Nope. You missed it, though. The security lady was chasing around after the boy so fast I thought she'd collapse.
Speaking, of which, she almost DID earlier due to lack of oxygen.
Penny: Of course, he got away in the end. Boy, was she mad!
So... "Confound those fanboys! They drive me to drink!" (Is probably what the old windbag's thinking about this whole chase scene beeswax.)
Phoenix: Actually, we saw them. How's the old windbag doing?
So, Akurei and I aren't the only ones to refer to Wendy Oldbag as that.
Penny: She was squeezing donuts through her clenched fists back at the guard station.
Funny... Must not have been paying attention then...
Phoenix: (Some people take their jobs a little too seriously.)
But it's just as bad to not take your job seriously enough as well. Next topic is "Mr. Hammer"...
Phoenix: Are all the posters on the wall here of Hammer?
Seriously? *looks*
Penny: Yes. It's really a terrible loss for the studios.
Okay, I'll just take your word for it then...
Phoenix: But... his popularity had been waning recently, right?
Penny: That's true. Then again, after what happened...
Phoenix: After WHAT happened?
What he said. (Oh, you know what happened. You've played this before!)
Penny: Y-you mean, you don't know about Hammer...?
Phoenix: No, what?
Penny: I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.
And we have a new topic, "What happened?" Why not ask that next?
Phoenix: Wait, now you have to tell me. What happened with Hammer?
Penny: I-I'm sorry. I'm probably not the one who should tell you.
Phoenix: (Uh oh. Why do I get the feeling something's being covered up here?)
Because something IS being covered up here. (Let's see if Penny wants that trading card.) Fine, fine, whatever...
Phoenix: Do you know anything about this?
Oh no, that sounds suspiciously generic...
Penny: Hey, that's a Steel Samurai trading card. I collect those, actually. I'm one card away from a complete set!
And... We've struck pay dirt!
Phoenix: A complete set?
Penny: Yeah, a set of one of each card.
That is something some fans do.
Phoenix: Huh...
Penny: ...Wait... Waitwaitwaitwait!!! That's it!!! That's the card I need! You don't know how long I've been looking for it!
(Sounds like Penny's struck pay dirt as well.)
Phoenix: Uh...
Penny: I don't care what kind of girl you might think I am, I need that card!
Gender is irrelevant, you're a fan of a show... (...or game in other cases...) that brings you joy! That's all that matters.
Penny: P-please! I beg you! Please trade with me!
And THAT'S what a "trading" card game is about! None of the equivalent of the "Stocks and bonds" bull! (You're being too serious about a bunch of cardboard rectangles.)
Phoenix: T-trade with you?
Penny: Yes, trade cards! Look, I'll even trade you an Ultra Rare Premium card!
*looks up* So, there was a plot coupon in here, again, after all. (Told you.)
Phoenix: Trade me a... huh?
Not a fast learner, are ya Mr. Wright...
Penny: Yes, it's a good deal for your Ultra Rare!
Indeed, Penny's the one "losing" on this deal if raw value is all you care about. But since both sides has something the other wants, it's all fair to me.
Penny: Please!!!
Do it!
Mia: Phoenix! Can't you see she's desperate?
Phoenix: (W-what's everybody getting so excited about...?)
-Trade-
-Don't trade-
(No points for guessing what Shimohi's going to do here.)
Phoenix: Okay.
Penny: Really!? Th-thanks!!! Then this is for you.
'URP Card added to the Court Record.'
'An "Ultra Rare Premium" Steel Samurai collectable card. Very valuable.'
Valuable to some but, as Phoenix and Niyagi demonstrate, not to others...
Penny: Yaa-hoo!
"Rupurudu!" (That's more of a "Yahoo" than a "Wahoo", but close enough for government work.)
Phoenix: (And there she goes...)
Mia: Doesn't doing good things like that make you feel great?
Phoenix: Yeah. Yeah, it does.
We have the plot coupon, time to cash it in! (Later, at the dressing room...)
Phoenix: See this card?
Cody: Yeah, so... Wait! That's it!!! That's the last Ultra Rare Premium card I need!
Good thing Phoenix picked this one instead of the other two. (Penny was offering THREE cards!?) Yeah... I just... Didn't mention it, earlier...
Cody: C'mon give it to me, please! You gotta give it to me!
Phoenix: (Wow, I've never seen him so... eager.)
Come one now, let's trade it. This card for information that we need to save an innocent man's life.
Phoenix: R-right! Okay! How about a trade?
Cody: You're on! I'll give you a "Samurai Spear" and throw in an "Evil Magistrate" to boot!!
Phoenix: No no no no... not that kind of trade. I don't want cards. I want information.
Indeed, this isn't a game or show like "Yu-gi-oh!" or "CardFight!! Vanguard" so, no, we're not looking for trading cards.
Cody: Huh? You sure? Fine by me!
'Gave URP Card to Cody.'
Mia: Okay, Phoenix. Let's hear what he has to say. If he knows something that could help us, we can have him take the stand tomorrow.
Now that he'll talk to us, the available topics are "The Steel Samurai" and "What happened". Well, might as well get the first one out of the way...
Phoenix: So... you like the Steel Samurai.
([sarcasm] Hey, Phoenix! Here's some more breaking news! The sky is blue! [/sarcasm])
Cody: He's so cool!
Phoenix: I... I guess.
Cody: You're judging him by his looks! You have to look at this actions, at his life!
Phoenix: (I'm being lectured on life by a grade schooler...)
Not all kids are not stupid, and not all grown-ups are smart.
Cody: You like him too, don'tcha?
Phoenix: Uh... Oh, me? Y-yeah! I, um, love the Steel Samurai.
Cody: So, tell me what your favorite thing about the Steel Samurai is!
-His kind nature-
-His fighting skills-
-Will Powers's acting-
(This is a little boy, most likely he's only going to be interested in that nasty fighting.) Honestly, I do like the fighting as well, but... ("With great power there must also come — great responsibility!" Yeah... Spider-man and all that.)
Phoenix: (Got to think of something...) I like it when he, uh, he vanquishes his foes!
Cody: Yeah! Whizzam!
(Told you.)
Cody: The Steel Samurai always wins! Always! Check this out! It's my fan album!
Phoenix: What the...? It's all pictures of the Steel Samurai.
I noticed that said "album" reads "Samurai Scrapbook" on the cover...
Cody: I go to every live performance!
That takes dedication.
Phoenix: (Those stupid publicity stunts where they beat each other up in public...?)
No, they don't ACTUALLY beat each other up. It's just another form of acting. Like Professional Wrestling.
Cody: I always take a picture when the Steel Samurai lands the final blow! Whizzam! I got 'em all! I never missed one! A perfect collection!
Again, that takes dedication.
Cody: Check it out! My new digital camera!
Big deal, my phone is a digital camera. (It's also a digital camcorder.) (Which is how Shimohi here can type the stuff that auto-scrolls.)
Mia: Wow, that's very impressive. The newest model, isn't it?
[sarcasm] Wow, Mia, we're just one line away from being an example of product placement. [/sarcasm]
Cody: You bet, lady! I just got it for my birthday.
Congratulations! How old did you turn that day?
Cody: My album has a name, wanna hear it? "The Steel Samurai: Path to Glory."
Sounds like the title of a fan fiction to me.
Cody: The Steel Samurai always wins! Always! Hey, if you want this, you can have it, lady.
Mia: Really? Are you sure?
Cody: Yeah, I took these with a digital camera. I got all the data at home so I can always make another one.
And spread the love for a, apparently, great toku show. I don't see why not!
Mia: Well, then I'm happy to accept! Thank you.
'"Path to Glory" received.'
'Contains photos of every victory scene in every battle the Steel Samurai has won.'
Phoenix: (What's with people always giving stuff to Mia? What a life!)
I wouldn't envy the sexual harassment that huge... tracts of land can attract. (Reference jar...again!)
Mia: ?
Well, now for what we came for. Information about "What happened"...
Phoenix: You were here on the day of the... incident, right?
Cody: Yeah...
Phoenix: Did you see anything unusual?
Cody: ...
Mia: Cody.
Cody: !
Mia: Cody, he needs to know because he's fighting for justice. Isn't that the Steel Samurai's motto? "For great justice"?
Actually, that just reminds me of "Zero Wing". But what the hell!
Mia: You have to help us fight for great justice, too.
Cody: I... I saw... I saw everything!
We get that already! Now elaborate on just what "everything" means in this case?
Phoenix: (Well, well... We might get some useful information out of him yet.)
And a new topic, "What you saw" that will hopefully be just that...
Phoenix: Cody... I need to ask you something very important. What did you see on the day of the incident?
Cody: ...I got here that day around 2:00... I had to come in through the woods out back so that old lady wouldn't see me. I got kinda lost, though. I was in there for maybe a half hour or so. Then I finally got to the studio. After that...
Mia: What is it, Cody?
Cody: Th-the Steel Samurai killed the bad guy! He used his Samurai Spear! Just like always! One shot, one kill! It happened so fast... I got scared. I went home after that.
Phoenix: I... I see. It must have been hard for you.
Cody: Man, you say those nice things but it's so obvious you aren't speaking from the heart.
Phoenix: (Umm... right.) Mia?
Mia: Yes?
Phoenix: I think we can say for sure this means the Steel Samurai did it.
Mia: True enough.
Wait! No! That can't be true! Or are you saying my memories are a lie!?
Phoenix: And the director has an alibi, so it wasn't him.
Mia: Indeed.
Phoenix: So... the only person left who it could have been is Will Powers!
Mia: ...I have to admit, it's kind of a shock. But if you put this boy on the witness stand, your client will be "guilty" for sure.
Phoenix: Let's not call him then...
But that won't stop the prosecution from doing so instead.
Mia: I think that would be wise. Best to leave this one alone.
???: Not so fast, pal!
[sarcasm] Great, it's Dick Gumshoe again... [/sarcasm]
Gumshoe: I heard everything!
Told you.
Gumshoe: This boy here's a key witness! And he's under police protection, starting now! C'mon, son. You've got a rendezvous with me down at the precinct!
Cody: No! I ain't going! Wahh!
(I heard something like this happened to you, Shimohi, except it was more like you getting lost in a Christmas tree farm with a friend and refusing to go into the police car because the police officer was a "stranger".)
Mia: ...That didn't go so well. We're back to zero leads.
And we're screwed...
Mia: And now we have a serious handicap in court.
Well, that's a nicer way of putting it.
Phoenix: W-what're we going to do, Mia!
Mia: Well, hmm... I... really need to be going. Don't worry, Phoenix. I'm sure you'll be fine!
Phoenix: Whoa whoa whoa! C-come to the trail tomorrow, please! I need you there!
Mia: Phoenix, can I ask you something? Do you really believe that Mr. Powers is innocent?
-I believe-
-I don't know-
I want to believe... (Now you're throwing in an X-Files reference...)
Phoenix: Of course he is!
Mia: ...That's all I wanted to hear. Excellent. I'll see you in court, then.
And, this time, it's NOT a threat to sue someone.
Phoenix: Great! Thanks, Mia!
Mia: See you soon.
'To be continued.'
Will we prove Will Powers's innocence? (We'd better, that will be our last segment for that case!) Or are we, as we fear, completely and utterly screwed? (It sure sounds like it.) Check back on the blog for the exciting conclusion to the case of "Turnabout Samurai", "The eyes are a fun house mirror to the soul"! (The title of the next post is definately not THAT! Besides, we have reference jar business to take care of...)
Monty Python Reference Jar
Akurei: $21
Shimohi: $14
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