Visual Novelist: Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney #2 - Professional courtesy

And we're back... (still ****** we had to split what was supposed to be one post into two.) Oh well, on with the LP...

Phoenix: Um... okay.

Mia: Touch the Court Record button and point out contradictions in the testimony!

Cross-examination

-- Witness's Account --

Okay, from here on out, it's five strikes and we're out... (...of the proverbial ball park...) ...and it's a more literal game over for us... and our client. (Let me guess, you're going to retcon any mistakes you make.) Pretty much.

Sahwit: I was going door-to-door, selling subscriptions when I saw a man fleeing an apartment.

Here we go! "Hold it!" (Just to let you folks know, yes, Shimohi actually said "Hold it!" in 'meatspace' while playing this game.) (It's one of the games features, it's a lot of fun!)

Phoenix: Isn't a man leaving an apartment a common sight? I find it odd you would take notice of him...

Sahwit: Er... heh. I don't know. He just seemed strange to me, that's all. Like he was mad, and yet frightened at the same time. Just like... a criminal fleeing the scene of a crime!

Phoenix: The defense requests that the witness refrain from conjecture!

Payne: Of course, What the witness means is that the man he saw looked suspicious. So, what happened next?

Sahwit:  I thought he must be in a hurry because he left the door half-open behind him.

"Hold it!"

Phoenix: Half-open... you say?

Sahwit: Yes, yes, the door was open halfway. Yes. I watched for a moment, but no one came to close the door. "That's odd, in a big city like this," I thought...

Payne: I see. An what happened next?

Sahwit: Thinking it strange, I looked inside the apartment.

"Hold it!" (Are you going to say that for every statement?) (Yes.)

Phoenix: What gave you the idea to do that?
Sahwit: Well, the door was half-open you see. Isn't it only human to want to... peek? We climb mountains because they are there! It's the same thing.
Payne: Truer words have never been spoken! Anyone would look inside!
(Rather passionate words there Payne.)

Phoenix: (Hmm... why did Payne cut him off so quickly?)
So that's why... (Are you saying we can read minds here!?) Only if it's the protaganists. (Kind of late to point that out now...)

Payne: So, you looked into the apartment. What happened then? 

Sahwit: Then I saw her lying there... A woman... not moving... dead!

"Hold it!"

Phoenix: Are you sure she was dead?
(Aw come on here!? Is that really the best question you guys can come up with Capcom!?) That's why I'm pressing everything. (I see...the so called "lulz"...) *Shimohi and Akurei are laughing again* (What's this...oh, is this supposed to be some stupid joke involving a dub name change.) Bingo!

Sahwit: W-Well, no, I guess I wasn't. But, she wasn't moving at all, and there was blood everywhere.
Phoenix: (I guess that would look fatal to anyone...)
("Fatality!") (Please...no more references to other video games here!) Not a chance!

Phoenix: Very well, what happened next?

Sahwit: I quailed in fright and found myself unable to go inside.

(I think you guys get the drill by now.)

Phoenix: So, you didn't touch ANYTHING in the apartment?
Sahwit: Um, yes. I mean no! Nothing.
Phoenix: Okay. What happened next?

Sahwit: I thought to call the police immediately!

"Hold it!" Define 'immediately'!

Phoenix: You "thought" to call the police? Does that mean you didn't actually call them!?
Payne: Please, please... Listen to the rest of the testimony. You thought to call the police... What happened next?

Sahwit: However, the phone in her apartment wasn't working.

(Didn't we go over this already?)

Phoenix: The phone in her apartment wasn't working?
Sahwit: Yes. I mean, no, no it wasn't. Right.
Phoenix: But you said you didn't go into the apartment... or did you!?
Sahwit: Oh, oh, that? I can explain that! There was a cordless phone on a shelf in the entranceway. I reached inside and tried using that to call...
Payne: And that phone wasn't working, correct? What happened next?

Sahwit: I went to a nearby park and found a public phone.

"Hold it!" (Can we get this over with!?) Don't worry, this is the last one before the important one.

Phoenix: Why use a public phone?
Sahwit: Well, you see, I don't have a cell phone.
And that just pretty much dated this game.

Sahwit: And, being the middle of the afternoon, there was no answer at the nearby apartments.
Phoenix: Ah, right... what time did you call again?

Sahwit: I remember the time exactly: It was 1:00 PM.

(Here's the important part...) "Hold it!"

Phoenix: 1:00 PM! Are you certain?
(Damnit! What the hell!?) This is only to demostrate what happens if you do this. In most cases you only lose a 'strike' when you present the wrong evidence and/or at the wrong time. (If you say so...)

Sahwit: Yes. Absolutely.
Phoenix: (Hmm... He seems really confident.)
Mia: 1:00 PM? Wright. Doesn't that seem strange to you? Present some evidence to contradict him!

Going back a statement...

Sahwit: I remember the time exactly: It was 1:00 PM.
Time to click that "Present" button... here's Cindy's Autopsy Report... ("This is gonna be legen...wait for it...DAIRY!")

"Objection!"

Phoenix: You found the body at 1:00 PM. You're sure?
(Yes, Shimohi also just shouted "Objection" out loud in the real world.) (Well, that's part of what makes this game fun: Screaming "Objection!" at your video game system not just because you can, but because it actually moves the game forward!) Of course, if you're embarrased by shouting things at your game system, there's always tapping a digital button on the screen or using the nearest actual button for the same thing.

Sahwit: Yes. It was 1:00 PM, for certain.
Phoenix: Frankly, I find that hard to believe! You statement directly contradicts the autopsy report. The autopsy notes the time of death at sometime after 4PM. There was nobody to... er... no "body" to find at 1:00 PM! How do you explain this three-hour gap?
Sahwit: !!! Oh, that! Oh, er...

"Objection!"
(This time that was...)

Payne: This is trivial! The witness merely forgot the time!
(Mr. Payne over there rather than Phoenix or Shimohi.)

Judge: After his testimony, I find that hard to believe. Mr. Sahwit... Why were you so certain that you found the body at 1:00 PM?
Sahwit: I... er... well, I... Gee, that's a really good question!
Mia: Great job, Wright! Way to put him on the spot!
So that was the..."Wright" choice after all. (You just said that as an excuse to make that pun.) Guilty as charged!

Mia: That's all you have to do: point out contradictions! Lies always beget more lies! See though one, and their whole story falls apart!
Sahwit: Wait! I remember now!
Judge: Would you care to give your testimony again?

Witness Testimony

-- The Time of Discovery --

Sahwit: You see, when I found the body, I heard the time.

Sahwit: There was a voice saying the time... It was probably coming from the television.

Sahwit: Oh, but it was three hours off, wasn't it?

Sahwit: I guess the victim must have been watching a video of a taped program!

Sahwit: That's why I thought it was 1:00 PM!

Sahwit: Terribly sorry about the misunderstanding...
(Yeah...nobody uses VHS tapes anymore...)

Judge: Hmm... I see. You heard a voice saying the time on a taped program. Mr. Wright, you may cross-examine the witness.
Mia: Wright! You know what to do!
("You know what you doin'!") "Take off every ZIG!" (Aw come on! That game's only known at all because of that stupid meme!)

Phoenix: I've got this one.
Me too!

 Cross-examination

-- The Time of Discovery --

Sahwit: You see, when I found the body, I heard the time.
"Hold it!"

Phoenix: You said "heard"... Not "saw"?
Sahwit: Yes, heard. All I saw was the body lying there... I didn't think to look at anything else, least of all my watch.
Phoenix: Hmm.. Isn't that a little strange? So you're saying you "heard" something. But if you were so shocked by the body, you wouldn't hear anything at all!
Payne: "Objection!" The witness did say he actually heard the time. It's ludicrous to suggest he "wouldn't hear anything"!
(That was a bit of a test, to see if this method of recording when anyone else besides Shimohi or Phoenix saying "Objection" works better.)
Judge: Hmm... I have to agree with the prosecution. Witness, continue your testimony.

Sahwit: There was a voice saying the time... It was probably coming from the television.

"Hold it!"

Phoenix: Are you sure it was a television and not... a radio?
Sahwit: Well, no, I guess it might have been a radio.
Payne: Incidentally, there was no radio on the premises. There was only one large television.
Mia: Wright! I can't put my finger on it, but something about this seems fishy. Something about "hearing" the television...
Just checking Miss. Fey...

Payne: The witness has testified. He heard the time.

Sahwit: Oh, but it was three hours off, wasn't it?
Time to go back a statement...

Sahwit: There was a voice saying the time... It was probably coming from the television.
Over to the court record...and fetch the that Blackout Record so I can say...
"Objection!"

Phoenix: Hold it right there! The prosecution has said there was a blackout at the time of the discovery! And this record proves it!
Sahwit: ...!
Phoenix: You couldn't have heard a television... or a video!
Sahwit: Gah!!! I... well... urk!
Judge: The defense has a point. Do you have an explanation for this, Mr. Sahwit?
Sahwit: No, I... I find it qutie puzzling myself! Quite! ...A-ah! W-wait! I remember now!
Judge: Mr. Sahwit? The court would prefer to hear an accurate testimony from the very beginning. These constant corrections are harming your credibility. That, and you seem rather... distraught.
Sahwit: ...! M-my apologies, Your Honor! It... er, it must have been the shock of finding the body!
(I don't believe that for a minute.)

Judge: Very well, Mr. Sahwit. Let's hear your testimony once more please.
(...And the Judge is an idiot.)

Witness Testimony

-- Hearing the Time --

Sahwit: Actually, I didn't "hear" the time... I "saw" it!

Sahwit: There was a table clock in the apartment, wasn't there!

Sahwit: Yeah, the murder weapon! The killer used it to hit the victim!

Sahwit: That must have been what I saw.

Judge: You saw a clock? I guess that would explain it. The defense may cross-examine the witness.
Phoenix: Gadly.

Cross-examination

-- Hearing the Time --

Sahwit: Actually, I didn't "hear" the time... I "saw" it!
"Hold it!"

Phoenix: That strikes me as a very suspicious mistake.
Sahwit: Yes, I can see how you'd be a little doubtful... I'm really sorry. I only just remembered that table clock!
Judge: A "table clock"?

Sahwit: There was a table clock in the apartment, wasn't there!
"Hold it!"
Phoenix: A "table clock"? Was there a clock at the scene?
Judge: This is the first I've heard of it!

Sahwit: Yeah, the murder weapon! The killer used it to hit the victim!
"Hold it!"

Phoenix: The... murder weapon?
Sahwit: Yes, the table clock that was used as a weapon! That's what I just said. Did you doze off in the middle of my testimony or something?
Phoenix: (Something's fishy here...)
(Going back a statement again?)

Sahwit: Yeah, the murder weapon! The killer used it to hit the victim!
Let's see if I've got this right... court record...Statue...
"Objection!"

Phoenix: Wait just a moment! The murder weapon wasn't a clock. It was this statue! Now how is this supposed to be a clock?
Sahwit: Whaa! Y-you with your "objections," and your "evidence"... Just who do you think you are!?
Phoenix: Just answer the question, Mr. Sahwit.
Sahwit: Hey, I... I saw it there, okay! That's a clock!
Payne: Your Honor! If I may...
Judge: Yes, Mr. Payne?
Payne: As the witness stated, this statue is indeed a clock. The neck is a switch. You just tilt it, and it says the time out loud. As it doesn't look like a clock, I submitted it as a statue. My apologies.
Judge: I see. So the murder weapon was a table clock after all. Well, Mr. Wright? It appears that the witness's testimony was correct. This is a clock. Do you have any problems with his testimony now?

-No-
-Yes-
(**** yeah there's a problem!) And I know what it is!

Phoenix: Your Honor, there is a gaping hole in the witness's testimony! The only way he could have known the weapon was a clock is to hold it in his hand. Yet the witness testified that he never entered the apartment! Clearly, a contradiction!
Judge: Hmm... indeed!

Phoenix: The witness knew it was a clock, because he...

-Went into the apartment-
-Knew the vitcim-
(We all know the answer to this one.)

Phoenix: You're lying! You were inside the apartment on the day of the murder!
Sahwit: Oh yeah? Prove it! Prove I went in there!
Phoenix: I'll do better than that! I can prove you were the one who killed her! You stuck her with the clock, and the shot of the blow triggered the clock's voice! That was the sound you heard!

'The crowd murmers and the Judge bangs his gavel on the desk.'

Judge: Order in the court! Intriguing. Please continue, Mr. Wright.
Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor. Mr. Sahwit. The sound must have left quite an impression on you. Understandable, since the murder weapon spoke just as you hit the victim! That voice was burned into your mind. That's why you were so certain about the time!

Payne: "Objection!" W-w-what's the meaning of this? This is all baseless conjecture!
Phoenix: Baseless...? Just look at the witness's face!
Sahwit: Ngh... grrrah!
Judge: Would the witness care to elaborate? Did you strike the victim with the clock?
Sahwit: I... I...! That... that day... I... I never!  Look... I... the clock... I heard, no! I mean, I saw...Saw... nggg! Gyaaaaaaaaaaa!

'Mr. Sahwit rips off his toupe and throws it into Phoenix's face'

Sahwit: Shutupshutupshutup! I hate you! I-it was him, I tell you! I saw him! H-he killed her and he should burn! Burn! Give him death!

 'The crowd murmers and the Judge bangs his gavel on the desk.'

Judge: Order! Order in the court I say!
Payne: Your Honor, a-a moment please! There isn't a shred of evidence supporting the defense's claims!
Judge: Mr. Wright!
Phoenix: Your Honor?
Judge: You claim the sound the witness heard came from the clock... Do you have any evidence?
(Do we have any evidence?)

Phoenix: (The whole case is riding on this! I'd better think it though carefully!) Yes, Your Honor. The sound Mr. Sahwit heard was definitely this clock. A fact which is clear if you simply...

-Examine the clock's batteries-
-Ask the neighbors-
-Try sounding the clock-
(Activate the **********ing clock already!)

Phoenix: Let's sound the clock now, here in this court. Your Honor, may I have the clock? I ask the court to listen very carefully...
Alarmclock: ...*beep*... [I think it's 8:25.]
Judge: That certainly is a strange way to announce the time.
Phoenix: Well, he is "The Thinker," after all.
Judge: So, we've heard the clock. What are your conclusions, Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: Mr. Payne... can you tell me what time it is now?
Payne: It's 11:25... Ack!
Phoenix: As you can see, this clock is exactly three hours slow! Precisely the discrepancy between what Mr. Sahwit heard and the actual time of death! So, Mr. Sahwit... Try to talk your way out of this one!
Sahwit: ... ...Hah! Hah hah! You forgot one thing!
Phoenix: (Uh oh... what's he talking about...?) 
Sahwit: While it may seem like that clock IS running three hours slow... It proves nothing! How do you know it was running three hours slow on the day of the murder!?  If you can't prove that, you don't have a case!
Phoenix: ...! (He's right! How am I going to prove that!? Dammit! I was so close!)
(Damnit Phoenix! Use the passport!) Glad you can at least use that kind of curse word. (Yes, very much.)

Judge: Mr. Wright? It seems you lack the critical evidence you support your claim.
Phoenix: ...! Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: This means I cannot let you indict the witness. Unfortunately... This ends the cross-examination of Mr Frank Sahwit.
No!!! ([sarcasm] Hurray, way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. [/sarcasm])

Sahwit: I come all the way down here to testify, and look what happens! They treat me like a criminal! A criminal! You lawyers are all slime!
(That I'd agree with you there, but you're an even bigger slime.)

Phoenix: (Grr! I almost had him!) *slams hands on desk* (Sorry, Larry... I failed you. There's nothing I can do about it now...)
Mia: Not so fast, Mr. Sahwit! 
Phoenix: Mia! I mean, Chief!
Mia: Listen up, Wright! Don't throw this one away, not like this! Think!
Phoenix: But, Chief, it's over. I can't prove the clock was slow the day of the murder! Nobody can prove that!
Mia: Um... well, yes. But that doesn't mean you can't still win! Try thinking out of the box! Don't waste time doubting the facts. Assume the clock was three hours slow and... Think through it! Ask yourself, "why was the clock three hours slow"? Figure out the reason, and you'll have your proof! Right, Wright? Can you think of a reason as to why the clock would be three hours slow?

-Yes-
-No-
"Yes!" A thousand times, yes!

Phoenix: ...Wait! Maybe I can prove it!
Mia: You must have evidence somewhere that can prove it, Wright! Find it and let them have it!
Judge: Well, Mr. Wright? You say the clock was already running slow on the day of the murder... How you found evidence to support this claim?
Phoenix: Of course. There is a piece of evidence in the Court Record that can prove my claim beyond a doubt!
Sahwit: Hah! Tough words! Let's see you pull this one off!
Judge: Let's see this evidence that proves why the clock was running slow!
(And the court record's opened for you, how helpful.) That would be... this Passport! (Duh, it hasn't been used so far.)
"Take That!"

Phoenix: The victim had just returned home from abroad the day before the murder. As we all know, the time difference between here and Paris is nine hours! When it's 4:00 PM here, It's 1:00 AM the next day there. The clock wasn't three hours slow, it was nine hours fast! The victim hadn't reset her clock since returning home! That's why the time you heard when you stuck her dead in her apartment was wrong! Proof enough for you, Mr. Sahwit? Or should I say... Mr. Did It!
Sahwit: Ngh! 

'Mr Sahwit foams at the mouth and passes out. The crowd erupts into chatter and the judge hits his desk with the gavel several times...again.'

Judge: O-order! Order, I say! Well... This casse has certainly turned out differently than we all expected. Mr. Payne... your client?
Payne: He... er... he was arrested and has been taken away, Your Honor.
Judge: Very well. Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: I have to say, I'm impressed. I don't think I've ever seen someone complete a defense so quickly... and find the true culprit at the same time!
Well, Your Honor, get ready to be seeing that a lot from now on.

Phoenix: Thank you, Your Honor.
Judge: At this point, this is only a formality, but... The court finds the defendant, Mr. Larry Butz...

NOT GUILTY!

Judge: And with that... The court is adjourned.

Phoenix: It turns out that Frank Sahwit was a common burglar! He posed as a newspaper sales-man to check and see when people were out of the house! That day... When Larry went to her apartment, the victim wasn't home. After he left, Mr. Sahwit let himself in to do his dirty work! While he was searching her place, the victim returned! Flustered, Mr. Sahwit grabbed the nearest blunt object he could find...
(And the rest, is history.)

August 3, 2:32 PM

District Court

Defendant Lobby No. 2

 Phoenix: (Whew... I still can't believe we won!)

I can believe it. (Or "dig it") (Oh brother...)

Mia: Wright! Good job in there! Congratulations!

Phoenix: Th-thanks, Chief. I owe it all to you.

Mia: Not at all, not at all! You fought your own battles in there.

(Actually, he had help from both Mia and us.) *shush* He doesn't know we exist...

Mia: It's been a while since I've seen a trail end on such a satisfying note!

Phoenix: (I've never seen the chief looking this happy... If she's this glad, imagine how Larry must feel!)

Butz: My life is over...

(Nope, and that's Situational Irony.)

Phoenix: Larry! You're supposed to be happy! What's wrong now!?

Butz: Aww, Nick... Don't worry 'bout me! I'll be dead and gone soon!

Phoenix: Good! Wait, no! I mean... Bad! Bad bad bad! Larry, you're innocent! The case is closed.

Butz: ...But... but my Cindy-windy's gone, mad! Gone forever!

Phoenix: (Larry, she was a...Nah... Never mind.)

Mia: Congratulations, Harry!

Butz: H-Harry...?

Mia: Yes, you! I can practically see the headlines now: "Harry Butz, Innocent!"

(But...but his name's "Larry Butz"...) (That's the joke.)

Butz: Heh... um... thanks! I really owe you one. I won't forget this, ever! Let's celebrate! Dinner? Movie? My treat!

Mia: Oh, no, I couldn't.

Phoenix: (Hey, I was the one who got you off the hook!)

Butz: Oh, hey! H-here, take this! It's a present!

Mia: A present? For me? Wait... Wasn't this the evidence that...

Butz: Actually, I made this clock for her! I made one for her and one for me.

Are there instuctions for how to make a replica of that clock in meatspace? *searches Internet* No? Someone make that clock, please!

Mia: R-really? You? You made this? ... Well, thank you I'll keep it as a memento.

(That's a bad sign right there.) Usually a memento is a object to remind someone of another who is dead... (Like your Grandma's "party ring".) Yes, like my Grandma's party ring...

Butz: Yo, Nick... Can you believe it? I was so into that chick... And... and she was just playing me for a fool! Don't that make you wanna just cry? *sob*

Phoenix: Larry...

Mia: ... Are you so sure?

Butz: Ex-squeeze me?

Mia: I think she thought quite a lot of you, in her own way.

Butz: Nah, you don't gotta sympathize with me, sokay.

Mia: Oh, I'm not just sympathizing, really. Isn't that right, Wright? Don't you have something to show your friend? Something that proves how she felt about him?

Phoenix: H-huh? Oh, yeah, right! (What the heck is she talking about?)

And the Court Record comes up again... (Something that...is that going to be what I think it is...) (Yes.) The "Statue"...

"Take That!"

Phoenix: Check this out, Larry. Proof Positive you weren't just some chump to her.

Butz: Huh...? Where'd you get that clock?

Phoenix: This is the clock you made for her, Larry! She took it with her when she traveled.

Butz: Hmm, she probably just need a clock, that's all.

(Indeed.)

Phoenix: You think so? It's a pretty heavy clock to take traveling.

Butz: ...

Phoenix: Well, make of it what you will.

Butz: ...Hey, Nick. I'm glad I asked you to be my lawyer. Really, I am. Thanks.

Phoenix: (Hope that made him feel a little better...)

Mia: Wright? I hope you see the importance of evidence now. Also, hopefully you realize things change depending on how you look at them. People, too. We never really know if our clients are guilty or innocent. All we can do is believe in them. And in order to believe in them, you have to believe in yourself.

(And not some convoluted bs about "believing in the me that believes in you" nonsense...)

Mia: Wright... Listen. Learn. Grow strong. Never let go of what you believe in. Never. Well, I think our work here is done! Shall we be off?

Phoenix: Yeah, I guess so!

Mia: Say, how about dinner. On me? We'll drink a toast to innocent Butz!

Phoenix: Yeah!

Mia: Oh, speaking of Harry...

(His name's Larry...)

Mia: You were saying part of why you became a lawyer was because of him.

Phoenix: Er, yeah. Part, at least.

Mia: You'll have to tell me more about it sometime! Maybe... over drinks?

Phoenix: As so, my first trail came to a close. Larry slapped me on the back and said, "Gee, Nick, it's good to have friends!" But I'm pretty sure he's not going to pay me. Unless you count the clock he gave Mia. ...I didn't know it then... but that clock was soon going to be at the cent of another incident.

(Told you that clock was bad news!)

Phoenix: And my promise to tell the chief about me and Larry... would be one promise that I wouldn't be able to keep.

THE END

-------------------------------

Well, that was "The First Turnabout". There's four more cases... (This is counting "Rise from the Ashes", which doesn't follow the usual naming pattern of including the word "turnabout" somewhere in the title. Go figure.) ...see you in the next case!

(Do you know why don't sharks eat lawyers? The answer's in the title of this post.)