Okay! We've gotten though the first room beyond the tutorials... (There was that one involving maps...) Shush, that was a fluke! (Right...) Anyway, we're past that room and now we're going through that Mars door, let's see where this crazy train's going...
Warning!: This is based upon a game that's rated M for Blood, Drug
References, Strong Language, Suggestive (read 'Sexual') themes, and
Violence. If any of these things offend you, don't click on the link.
'They stepped through the door to find themselves in a wide hallway. Junpei, June, Lotus, and Santa stopped for a moment, and looked at their surroundings. A short distance away, a metal grate extended across the width of the hallway. They took hold and shook, but it refused to move. Nearby was a pair of elevators. It took only a few button presses to determine that the elevators would not respond to their efforts. They could only assume the elevators were not powered. There was only one door left.'
Junpei: Well, looks like we don't have any choice.
Santa: Yeah.
(Choo-Choo!) (This isn't a tabletop role-playing game, it doesn't...) But it's close enough to railroading for government work.
June: Sure does.
Lotus: Well then, let's open it.
'Junpei grabbed hold of the knob, and quietly pushed the door open. He entered, slowly, trying to take in as much of his surroundings as he could. The others followed shortly.'
Santa: Oh... So it's a kitchen...
'Santa did not look pleased.'
June: What were you expecting?
Santa: Isn't it obvious?
(Santa wants Junpei and himself to leave while June and Lotus to...stay in the kitchen!) Yeah...that's a bit too much, even for me...you may eat the unholy nachos, that's actually less offensive. (Shimohi, your morals are...strange.)
Santa: The exit. I was hoping this would be the way out of here.
Did you see a [9] on that door back there? (No.) Didn't think so.
Junpei: Heh, You really think it'd be that easy?
(What he said!)
Santa: Yeah, yeah, I know. Still...
'As they talked, Lotus headed deeper into the room. ...Until at least she stood in front of a door.'
Lotus: If we can just get through this door, we should come out on the other side of that grate we saw earlier.
Junpei: But...don't we need a key for that...? ...Sorry, I guess that wasn't very constructive...
(No Shi...) (THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS!)
'Neither Junpei nor Lotus looked terribly happy. Junpei dug the ship map from his pocket, and spread it out in front of him. As he did...'
Lotus: H-Hey!
Santa: What's that?!
Junpei: Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you. I found this a little while ago. It's a map of the B Deck--
'Before Junpei could finish, Lotus snatched the map away from him. She ran her finger across it, muttering to herself.'
Lotus: I knew it. See? Look.
'Junpei did as he was told. Santa and June moved over to look at the map as well.'
(So...where's this going...)
Lotus: See? We came in here. If we go out there, then we'll be on the other side of the grate.
'With her finger Lotus trace a path on the map. She was right. Satisfied that she had been correct, Lotus folded the map and handed it back to Junpei. He took it, and slid the valuable piece of paper back into his pocket.'
June: There's a card reader on the right side of the door.
Santa: Then that means the [key card] is somewhere in here, right?
Lotus: That seems the most likely.
Junpei: All right, we know what we need to do then. Let's get moving! First off, I say we split up and look for clues.
(Junpei, you're not Fred and this isn't "Scooby-Doo Where Are You?"!)
June: Okay!
-------------SEEK A WAY OUT!---------
I click on the stack of square plates.
Junpei: Those 9 plates look pretty expensive.
Lotus: They're plates for appetizers. Remember, appetizers usually come on square plates.
Then all those restaurants I've been going to have been doing it wrong!
Junpei: Okay, okay. Well excuuuuuuse me, princess.
(Hey Junpei! No need to follow those two's example of making stupid references!) Is that another plate?
'A voucher. It says..."Appetizer 9, Meat dish 10, Soup A, Seafood dish F"' Okay, the numbers I can understand, number of plates and all, but what the crap's up with the letters in there!? Time to look at more plate stacks...
Junpei: 1, 2, 3... There's 10 of 'em. If you flip these over, they look like hats. The middle is super deep for a plate...
Lotus: They're soup plates. They're made that way so that the soup doesn't spill. If we ever get out of here, you should treat yourself to a nice dinner out.
Junpei: What makes you think a poor college student has the money to do something like that?
Okay, so apparently A equals 10 for some reason...next stack!
Lotus: I think there are 15 of these plates. I'm assuming they're for seafood...
Junpei: How the hell can you tell that? They look just like any other plate from the 99-cent store...
This! *holds out a white plate with a blue colored edge* Is a plate I got from a 99-cent store. (The Dollar Tree to be precise.) And...it looks like it has more in common with the plates in the stack to our right.
Lotus: If you ever take a lady out to dinner, you're going to embarrass yourself. I feel sorry for June.
Junpei: Wh...wh...wh...
You heard what the sexy grandma said!
Junpei: ...why the hell are you bringing up June?
Lotus: The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
(Oh my Satan! This is just too hilarious!)
Lotus: You are not terribly subtle.
Now for the stack that more resembles my actual "99-cent store" plates...
Junpei: There's a bunch of little wavy ridges on this plate.
That's not reflected in the artwork at all! Besides, I was more talking about how deep the indent in the center was.
Lotus: Those plates are for serving meat. Ugh. You really are ignorant, aren't you?
Junpei: C'mon, it's not like I need to know this crap...Geez...
You just had to say it Junpei... (Something tells me this is actually going to be relevant to this rooms puzzle.) I move to the left and click on the pot on the stove.
Junpei: All we've got here is a pot and frying pan...Oh, and a pressure cooker. Well, I guess we could use some of those as weapons...
(Or to demonstrate the effects of drugs on the brain by metaphor.) Just don't get too crazy with those metaphors.
Santa: What kind of an idiot are you? You're gonna run around holding that thing while you're looking for the DEAD?
Junpei: Hey man, it was just a joke. Why so serious?
(Hey, Junpei, wanna see a magic trick? I'm gonna make a pencil dis...) No... (No!) ...Don't even go there. Back to the game, I turn to the left and try to click on the rolling pin but I hit...
Junpei: Oh, a countertop.
...instead.
Santa: There's a rolling pin and colander here. Nothing useful.
Okay then, I'm just going to check out the sink here...what's this next to the sink? Obtained a whetstone!
Santa: A whetstone? What're you planning to do whit that? Aw shit, don't tell me you're gonna try and smash open the card reader...
Lotus: Are you an idiot?! If you do that, then we'll never get out of here!
No! I don't wanna get trapped in the kitchen! (*ji...*) Why are you staring at me like that...?
Santa: Oh...Yeah, I guess that would be bad, huh...
Lotus: This whetstone's only gonna be useful if I need to sharpen something.
So, backing out of the item menu, I click on the plates in the sink.
Santa: A sink. It's still got water in it. There's a couple'a plates in there, but I don't think they're gonna help us much.
I try to click the plate in the upper-left hand corner, nothing happens. No really, nothing, not even a message saying so. Same thing with what I thought was an object in the opposite corner. So I back up and click on the row of plates to the left.
'Maybe this table is for preparing food...There are plates everywhere.' Now I check a trashcan. (This is what you get from playing Pokemon too much.)
Junpei: A trashcan. There's nothing inside of it.
Santa: Well, better than being full of rotten food, I suppose.
Now for the other can!
Santa: Damnit, there's nothing in here.
Lotus: Hey Santa, digging through the trash really suits you.
So...you're implying that Santa should be a Freegan if his isn't one already?
Santa: What the hell did you say?! Listen lady, I did you a favor! I knew you'd just piss and moan, so I did it for you!
Lotus: Oh my. I don't recall asking you to do anything...
Santa: Rrrrggh...I oughta throttle you...
Lotus: Ex-squeeze me.
'...Does...does it feel colder in here?' Okay, Lotus, that's a very good pun there. (Good...Pun...) Let me guess, "Does not compute!"? (By the way, someone should check the freezer.) But first, back to the start position and click on...
'It's a tank with a pipe coming out of it. Nothing really that special about it.' (Aw come on! Still, click on the pipe some more! Maybe something funny will happen?)
Junpei: Hey, is that a boiler over there?
Santa: Who knows.
Junpei: The pipe goes up into the ceiling. Maybe, just maybe, we could climb into that pipe, and get out of there.
(I think that's going to be about as successful as back in the 3rd class cabin.)
Santa: Idiot. How the hell are you supposed to get into a pipe that size?
'Well, at least he kind of got my joke. That makes me kinda happy.' (Can we get back to the freezer now!) Okay, but first...
Junpei: Wow. This pot looks like it's made out of silver.
June: I bet drinking tea from this pot would be really yummy.
'Spending a day off with June, drinking tea... Could such a day ever happen for me?' (Of course you'd fantasize about that, Junpei.)
June: Jumpy?
Junpei: Oh, nothing. We don't really need hot water, so we should be moving on.
(Well you're going to need it soon...) (I don't like where you're going with that.) I go through the door and... (This isn't the freezer!) We can go in there, that means there's stuff we can use in here! (Making a beeline for the cabinet full of cheese, I see...)
Junpei: Hey... There's something behind the cheese.
June: You're right. Why don't we move some of the cheese.
(Maybe some of this cheese can be put on top of my nachos.) Hell no! (No way!) That'll ruin cheese for some people. (Too late.) Me and my big mouth...
'All right guys, time to move it. June and I need to look behind you...There's a little green bottle back there.' I click on the bottle and I obtain a bottle of oil!
June: Oh look, cooking oil. You could probably use this to make something slippery.
I step back from the cheese cabinet and move the sheet covering...a crap-ton of cans...
June: There's so much stuff in here. A whole lot of cans...
Junpei: This is probably a pantry.
I click on the sheet covering something else to the right.
Junpei: There's milk in here...
June: Milk in an iron barrel.
Maybe it's powdered milk?
June: Judging by the rust...it's probably really old.
Junpei: Maybe we shouldn't open it up. I don't think it'd be a pretty sight.
I click on the large container in the lower-left side of the screen.
June: It looks like some kind of large, tin container.
Junpei: Well, it's empty...
I back out of the pantry and check out the bulletin board nearby.
Santa: It's a note. It's got a bunch of stuff written on it, but it doesn't look like a code or anything like that.
To that other door! (Now, that's got to be the freezer!) (Why do you want to go to the freezer? Is it to get more meat for your unholy nachos?) (Nope, remember, infinite nacho code! *munch*) *cringe* Are those still warm? (Yeah, why? Screw the laws of physics, I'm a demon!) I click on the bolt keeping the door shut. (So it wasn't that someone left the freezer door open earlier!)
'This bolt is rusted in place. It won't budge.'
Junpei: Of course!
Well, I did click on it with the bottle of oil on hand.
Junpei: Maybe if I put some oil on it...
Santa: H-Hey!
'Just a little bit of oil, and... Come on! Come on, you little son of a bitch!'
So...the bolt's a male dog?
'Whoa! ...Ha! Yes! Got you, you little bastard!'
I was not aware that dogs could get married. (Oh quit it with this pretending to misunderstand what they're saying gag.)
June: You did it, Jumpy! You're so smart!
Time to go inside that freezer! (Yeah!) (I've got a bad feeling about this...oh no, I did it again!)
'As Junpei walked into the room, a blast of cold air washed over him. Almost instinctively, he folded his arms tight across his chest, doing what he could to conserve body heat.'
Junpei: Brr... It's cold in here! What is this place...
(Dude, are you really this stupid!?)
Santa: Are you blind? It's a freezer.
I wonder if Snake's sneezing right now...
'Santa's teeth had already begun to chatter. Hardly surprising...The freezer was far too cold for someone dressed as he was. Lotus, however, was in an even worse situation.'
Lotus: Oh, no way! That's way too cold for me. I'll freeze solid in seconds. Sorry, but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on this one. I'm going to leave the rest to you.
'And with that, she ran out of the room.' (Good idea to have a friend on the other side. Hey! Lotus! Can you take that bottle of oil with you!?) (Why are you mentioning that...?)
'As Lotus left, June came in.'
June: Whoa... It's really cold in here...
'White puffs of steam hovered in front of their faces as they talked. June had already started to shiver.'
Junpei: Hey, you don't need to be in here. You had a fever just a little bit ago. You should stay outside. We got this.
Junpei...did you seriously tell June to go back to the kitchen?! (He probably didn't mean it like that.)
June: No, I'm fine. My fever's gone now.
Junpei: But--
'Junpei had scarcely opened his mouth...When the thunderous sound of metal upon metal rang out from behind them. In unison, the spun around, to find that the door they had only recently come through...Was closed.' (Dun!) Dun! (Duuuun!) Duuuun!
Junpei: !
June: !
Santa: !
'Junpei rushed to the door. Desperately, he grabbed hold of the doorknob--'
Junpei: Ow!
'It was cold--beyond cold. Merely touching it was painful. The doorknob had been frozen solid. The quickly deduced that the pipe next to the door had ruptured. Water released by the rupture had hit the door and frozen instantly. Santa shoved Junpei aside and pounded against the door.'
Santa: Hey! Lotus! You're you there, right? Open the door!
(So...you knew this would happen.) (That they'd get stuck, yes.) But she forgot that it was frozen water that trapped them, not a rusted lock mechanical device. Hence the oil comment earlier, so even Akurei's 'spoiler' data is unreliable.
'She wasted no time in responding.'
Lotus: What do you want? What's going on?
Santa: The door won't open! Try opening it from that side. Please!
Lotus: Ugh, fine. If you say so. Hold on...
'Soon, they could hear Lotus on the other side of the door...'
Lotus: Nggrrr...Arrrrrgh! NNNNNNNNNNNNRRGH!
'Then the grunting ceased, and they could hear light panting, as if from exertion.'
Lotus: It's no use. It won't budge. You've got more people in there. You figure it out.
Santa: ...
June: ...
Junpei: ...
Santa: ...Goddamnit.
'Santa was shaking like a newborn deer. June was hugging herself and was shivering violently. Even Junpei, with the heaviest clothes of any of them, was clearly feeling the cold. With every breath they took, they could feel the cold working its way deeper and deeper into their bodies.'
(Best excuse for...) ...hugging... (Ever!) (Well, that doesn't sound so ba...) Hey! Let's see the three of them together. (Kinky...) (...and I had to open my big mouth. *facepalm*)
Junpei: A-A-Anyway...L-Let's f-find a way out...
(Escape room puzzle-ception!) We've got to go deeper! (*insert Inception gong-sound here*) (You didn't even see that movie!) That's why I have Netflix! (*sigh*)
Junpei: If we don't get moving, w-we're gonna be permanent residents!
June: T-T-Two heads a-a-are better than n-none.
So three heads are even better! (Yay!) (...I have no idea what you're thinking...and I think that's for the best.)
June: I-I'm sure we'll figure something out...
Santa: Y-Y-Y-Yeah. Y-You're right. L-Let's just take a good l-look around this room, okay?
Junpei: R-Right!
'They pushed in close to one another, and began to search.' I click on the shelves...
June: There's some frozen meat up there. Looks like pork...
(Hope it's not long pork.) (Of course not, that's what in my awesome nachos.) I think it's agreed that those would be considered "unholy" at best.
Junpei: ...Huh? What's this? It looks like a...tag or something...
I obtained a chunk of pork!
June: Jumpy, is there a slip of paper in that meat? I think there's something written on here, but I can't read it like this...
At least it's better than a receipt in your guacamole. (So, the link is to "Not Always Working" this time...)
Junpei: If we try and pull it out, it'll probably rip...
Santa: You need to defrost that. Don't think we're gonna be doing that in this room.
I exit the item menu and head for the large metal cabinet...inside there's...a sack with a hunk of dry ice inside it, which I obtain of course!
June: Dry ice...?
Santa: Can't you make that stuff cause an explosion if you seal it in something that's airtight?
Junpei: Explode...?
Santa: Yeah, didn't you do that in school? You should never underestimate the power of expanding gas.
(Or expanding fat for that matter! *LOL*) ... (...Aren't you going to say something like, "I wonder if Seven's sneezing right now"?) Even I have some standards on what I make fun of. Still, time to exit the item menu and...
'Junpei picked up the dry ice with his sleeves so as to avoid burning himself.' In the form of frostbite of course.
Santa: Dry ice is just frozen carbon dioxide, right?
Correct! (And you win...nothing and you'll like it!)
Junpei: Yeah, it is.
Santa: I wonder how warm it has to get for it to turn back into gas again...
Junpei: Hell if I know. How's that gonna help us, anyway?
Santa: Oh, well, I figured we might be able to use it to get out of here.
'They were about to move on when June spoke up.'
June: Carbon dioxide's sublimation point is -109 degrees.
Actually, according to Wikipedia, it's -109.3 degrees Fahrenheit or -78.5 Celsius... (Well, -109 is close enough for government work.)
June: Any warmer than that, and it'll turn into gas. Any lower, and it becomes a solid.
'Junpei looked at her, dumbfounded.'
Junpei: How do you know that?
Maybe she's a chemistry otaku?
June: Tee-hee. Despite my looks, I'm the Qleen...bleh. Ahem...the Queen of random knowledge.
Junpei: Looks bad to mess up when you're showing off.
June: Argle mouf *Mumble* *Mumble*
Junpei: Oh, you're so cold your mouth's going numb?
June: Yef. Wats wite.
Junpei: ...You're just doing that on purpose, aren't you?
'June giggled, and did her best to hide her guilt. At least she was still feeling good enough to joke around, Junpei told himself.'
Santa: C'mon guys... Don't you think that's kinda weird? I wonder why it doesn't turn into a liquid first...
'Santa was now shivering at an astounding rate, but his curiosity seemed unaffected. Junpei, however, was not in a mood to discuss science.'
- He wanted out of the freezer, now. -
- It did strike Junpei as rather odd. -
His patience was wearing thin.
Junpei: How the hell would I know!? And how the hell is that gonna help us get out of here?! We don't have time for this crap--
(Ah, come on! I know you're actually curious about that!) ... (Hey! I saw you looking at the Wikipedia page for Dry Ice trying to figure out why exactly it doesn't go through a liquid state.) ...Look, I'd rather not mention that here, but...I've got a plan, just trust me on this. Okay?
June: Actually...
'Junpei stopped mid-sentence, surprised by June's interjection.'
June: Under enough pressure, carbon dioxide will turn into a liquid.
...Wikipedia agrees with her.
Junpei: This isn't really a good time for a chat about science!
Bu-But it's always a good time for a chat about science! (Channeling Dr. Insano are we? Or possibly Agatha Heterodyne?) Trivia Time: Did you know that a link from the Girl Genius website was how I was introduced to TV Tropes.org? (No, I don't think the readers needed to know exactly how or when you ruined your life.)
June: But...I was wondering the same thing...
Me too!
Junpei: Wondering what!?
June: Wondering why carbon dioxide doesn't turn into a liquid unless it's under pressure.
(Really?! You put a link to a picture of liquid carbon dioxide!) Just in case any hypothetical readers are just as curious as I was. ('Hypothetical' indeed. I don't think anyone really reads your blog, none the less this LP.) (That's because your unholy nachos grosses out and/or scares away any potential readers!)
Santa: Right? It just seems weird...Water's a liquid between 32 degrees and 212 degrees...
(Going to Wikipedia again...) That's true Santa...but only at sea level. Up on top of Mt. Everest, the boiling point is only 154 degrees.
Santa: So why isn't that the case for carbon dioxide? H2O and CO2 are pretty similar.
Not that much, water (aka "dihydrogen monoxide") has two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen while carbon dioxide has one carbon and two oxygen. (It even says so in the name! Gosh! Idiot!)
Junpei: No, they're not! They're totally different substances!
(Did I ever mention that Junpei actually has a brain or not?)
Junpei: Look, guys, if we keep this up we're just gonna freeze to death! You good with that? You wanna die talking about sublimation and gases?! 'Cause I sure as hell don't!
'He fixed both of them with a glare.'
Junpei: Now let's get back to work. Assuming you don't want to end up like a pair of ice sculptures.
Better than being turned into a salt pillar. (...) Yes, I did make a reference to a Bible story. No need to be so shocked about it.
'Junpei turned around, the problem dealt with. ...Or so he thought.'
June: There's a kind of ice that doesn't turn into liquid when it goes above 32 degrees.
(If you're going to mention Ice-9, we already did that in the last post!)
'?'
June: I...heard about it...Its melting point is 96 degrees.
Santa: Its melting point is 96 degrees?
Actually, the version mentioned in Cat's Cradle melts at 114.4 degrees. How hot does it get in Egypt anyway...?
Santa: You mean there's water that freezes at 96 degrees?
..."In desert regions the temperature varies greatly, especially in summer; it may range from 7 °C (45 °F) at night, to 40 °C (104 °F) during the day." (So, that's cool enough for the original version of Ice-9 to say in solid form, maybe there's something to your "Titanic infected with Ice-9" theory.)
June: Yeah. Well, you could also look at it as ice that won't melt until it's 96 degrees...
'"Water that freezes at 96 degrees?" "Ice that won't melt until it's 96 degrees?"'
- That's interesting. -
- It doesn't matter. -
'Now that...that was difficult to ignore.'
(Come to the dork side! We have cookies!) (Isn't that usually "the dark side", oh wait, they're the same thing.) Boo! Bad Niyagi, bad! No treats for you!
'Junpei had to ask.'
Junpei: So what's this ice with a melting point of 96 degrees called?
Ice-9! (Ice-9!) (I don't care, and neither should any of you!)
June: I heard it's called [ice-9].
Called it! (Called it!) (Shut up, both of you.)
Santa: [Ice-9]...?
June: Originally, [ice-9] was a made-up substance invented by a science-fiction author.
That would be Kurt Vonnegut to be exact. (Yes, he's the guy who wrote Cat's Cradle.)
June: ...But recently, scientists have discovered that such a substance actually exists.
Well, there is a Ice IX...but it's nothing like the type mentioned in either this game or Cat's Cradle.
Junpei: Wait. Hold up. So is this thing called [ice-9]? Or is it water?
June: Like I said, if the ice is over 96 degrees it'll be liquid, if it's under that, it'll solidify. So you could think of it as a polymorph of H2O. Here, think of it like diamonds and graphite.
So, more of an accurate description of Ice IX, a slightly more stable form of ice, rather than Ice-9.
June: They're both made of carbon, right?
But the bonds in the carbon in graphite is weak enough to be broken at the slightest amount of pressure. (Hence why pencils have graphite cores.) While the bonds in diamond is tougher, and therefore harder to break.
June: But depending on the structure of the crystallization, the hardness and structure are completely different.
Exactly. But it ends up not being much of a difference between normal ice and ice IX.
Junpei: So you're saying normal water and this ice-9 are like that...
June: Yep.
'She wasn't finished.'
June: Have you heard the story about the crystallization of glycerin? For 150 years after the discovery of glycerin, people cooled it, warmed it, and did all sorts of things to it...But whatever they did, it never crystallized. However, one day in 1920...
'Some glycerin that was en route to England by ship was discovered to have crystallized during the trip. Naturally, scientists worldwide wanted to research this new, crystallized form of glycerin, and began asking for samples of the seed. A seed is, of course, a sample of the original crystallized substance. With a seed crystal, further crystallization of glycerin would be a simple matter. However... Something very strange happened. Not only did the glycerin encourage by seed crystals begin to crystallize, nearby samples did as well. It didn't end there. After that day, all glycerin in the world began to crystallize naturally when cooled to less than 64 degrees. Before that day, no matter how glycerin was cooled, it refused to crystallize. But once the crystallization had begun...'
June: It was almost like... How do I put it...It was almost like all the glycerin in the world was communicating. Communicating in some way that we can't sense...
telepathy-like fields again...
'Junpei...'
- ...Was honestly impressed. -
- ...Was kind of annoyed. -
'...Was honestly impressed. It was, in fact, a pretty interesting story.'
Junpei: Wow... That's pretty interesting. But...uh...What does that have to do with ice-9?
'To his surprise, it was Santa, and not June, who answered.'
June: What she's saying is that it's a lot like ice-9. What happened, I mean.
Junpei: A lot like...? That would be bad. If water everywhere started freezing at 96 degrees...Man...
Santa: It'd be the end of the world.
(And that was exactly how Cat's Cradle ended, all water turned to ice-9 and almost all life died out.) (Spoiler alert!)
'Junpei felt that Santa might not be treating the idea of the end of the world with the proper concern.' (Well, whatever life can survive will likely become the ancestors of a new form of life that'll thrive in a post ice-9-ification Earth. That's what happened when oxygen was first introduced to the atmosphere.) (Fitting that talk of the 'theory of evolution' would come from the mouth of a demon.) And...nut jobs like you are why I had Akurei say it instead of myself, but still, what she said was 100% true.
Santa: At any rate, we're not gonna have to worry about the end of the world unless we can get out of here pretty damn quick.
'He was right. Junpei shivered.'
Santa: All right guys, I think that's enough of that. I didn't think we'd get quite this far off-topic...
Welcome to the club!
Santa: I mean, I know I'm kinda at fault here, but we can't be screwing around any more. Seriously...I might go by the name Santa right now, but I didn't grow up in Iceland.
Actually, I remember hearing that Greenland's the place that's covered in ice and snow while Iceland's actually has a lot more plant life... (In other words, Greenland's icy while Iceland's green. Whoever named those two places must have been trolling, if that's the case, I salute you!)
Santa: I freakin' hate the cold.
Aw...Jack Frost would be sad to hear that...
Santa: So, let's get crackin' all right? We gotta find a way out of here.
'Santa stomped off, clearly doing his best to pretend the cold wasn't affecting him. Selfish, isn't he, thought Junpei to himself. Still, Santa was right, and it was high time they got back to their search. The story of [ice-9 had him interested, but there'd be time to think about that once they'd gotten out of the freezer. Junpei looked at June, nodded, and resumed his search of the room.' And so we're back in front of the frozen shut door, so I click on the cloth covered...something in the lower left corner.
June: This thing is covering something.
Junpei: It's frozen solid. I can't flip it over.
Oh well, I look around the room and find a hatch in the floor. (Open it! For great justice!) (You're just saying that to make a stupid Zero Wing reference, you don't care about justice at all!) (Indeed, I don't care about it at all.) I open the hatch to find...
Santa: A water bottle...
June: Yes, it is...
...and...
June: It's...a rope.
Santa: Well, we could use it to attach something to something else, I suppose.
I check the compartment in the hatch again...and...
'There isn't anything else here that looks useful.'
Let's see, I can click on the pipes to the right of the door.
June: There's water dripping from this pipe.
Junpei: Hmmm...It looks like when the pipe burst the water hit the doorknob and froze it in place.
'This water actually seems almost...warm...'
(Let's try some item combining!) Well, if you say so...Dry Ice plus Water Bottle equals...nothing. Water Bottle plus Sturdy Rope equals...nothing. Time for something crazy! Dry Ice plus Chunk of Pork equals...Nothing. Aw, come on! Dry Ice plus Whetstone! Still nothing!
Let's see if clicking on the door with the dry ice does anything...
Santa: Hey, Junpei...Didn't you find some dry ice earlier?
Junpei: Yeah?
Santa: There's warm water coming out of that pipe...Warm water and dry ice...What do you think would happen if we put that stuff in a sealed container together?
(I know! I tried to nudge Shimohi into doing that, but it didn't work!) We need to break it into chunks small enough to fit into the bottle first...what about that frozen solid sheet?
'A cover. It's frozen in place. I can't get it off.'
Oh well, back to the metal cabinet to see if I can get some other stuff...I obtained a frozen chicken!
June: It's really hard. It's frozen stiff.
Junpei: Hey, June, can you say that again?
(If you know what we mean. Wink-wink, nudge-nudge!) (Not this again...)
June: ...Eh?
Junpei: Say it again.
June: It's...really hard.
Junpei: Again.
June: It's...really hard.
Junpei: Th... Thanks.
Santa: Somethin' wrong Junpei? Your face is bright red.
Junpei: N-Nothing. I'm fine.
June: If it's that hard, you can probably use it as a hammer.
Santa: Yeah, good point. Maybe we can use it to break something.
You know what time it is? (Adventure? Taco? Tin-foil Hat? Bat...) (What!?) (...Goofy?) (Don't even go there!) Nope, stop! It's hammer time! (Can't touch this!) Frozen Chicken plus Dry Ice equals...
'All right. The dry ice is all in pieces now.' We lose the chicken and gain crumbled dry ice!
June: Wow, you crushed it up really good. You should be able to get it into anything you want now.
Santa: Can't you make that stuff cause an explosion if you seal it in something that's airtight?
Alright! I get the point already! Crumbled dry ice plus water bottle equals...
'I'm gonna put these pieces of dry ice into the water bottle...' Of course, we obtain a water bottle with dry ice in it. (No duh!)
June: So you put the dry ice in the water bottle, Jumpy? If it explodes, it could probably blast away the ice on the door.
Santa: So...how are we gonna get it to stay against the doorknob?
(I'm going to suggest a little water bottle/doorknob bondage.) (Your depravity never ceases to amaze normal people.) I think the actual term for non-kinky folk is, "Vanilla". Still, Akurei has a point. Water bottle with dry ice in it plus sturdy rope equals...
'...And let's just tie a rope on here...' We obtain a water bottle bomb! (Oh, no! Not this stupid singing again!) Yeah! are you ready to take that fall? (It's up to you to make that call to drop the bomb) Well, it's out of the item menu and back to the door, water bottle bomb in hand, I click on the door...knob. (It's more of a handle, really.)
'Warm water dripped from the ruptured pipe near the door. Junpei pulled out the water bottle filled with dry ice, let a good amount of water fall in, and then quickly sealed it up tight. The [make-shift bomb] complete, he tied it to the doorknob as quickly as he could manage in the cold.'
Junpei: All right, that's set. So...uh...what do we do now?
Santa: We just need to give it a little, uh, tap. The bottle's already about to pop. If we just throw a rock or something at it, it'll go off all on its own.
Junpei: A small rock? A small rock...
'Junpei looked down at the floor...'
(Aw come on! Just throw the chunk of pork at it! Probably get it defrosted at the same time.)
'Scattered across it were pieces of dry ice left over from the larger chunk he'd crushed earlier.'
(Or...that'll work too.)
Junpei: All right, this oughta do the trick.
'He pulled his sleeve down over his hand to keep from getting burned, and grabbed the chunk of dry ice. It was a pretty good size... About as big as a pool ball. He figured it would be just about the right size.'
Junpei: All right guys, stand back. Actually, we should probably hide somewhere.
'Both Santa and June looked at him with new concern.'
Santa: Where, exactly, do you expect us to hide, genius?
June: There isn't really anywhere big enough...
'... ...'
Junpei: Yeah, there is! Look! Right here! We can hide in there!
'Junpei pulled open the door to the small cellar.'
Junpei: Come on! Get inside, quick!
'Santa and June nodded and jumped down, into the hole. Junpei quickly followed. In his hand, he could feel the child of the frozen carbon dioxide, even through his sleeve. He tightened his grip, took aim, and prepared to throw.'
Fire in the hole!
Junpei: All right, here it goes! 3! 4! 5!
(Fire in the hole!)
June: You're counting the wrong way!
Junpei: Oops!
Santa: That's a really sad excuse for a joke, man...
Junpei: Sorry, dude.
(Can you actually not mess with our timing already!)
Junpei: All right, for real this time. You guys ready?
(Ready!) Ready! (The Internet is for porn!) The Internet is for porn! (Shimohi! Akurei!) We stay up all night... (...honking our horns...) ...for porn! (Porn!) Porn!
June: Yes! Whenever you're ready!
Santa: Just throw the damn thing...
Well, if it is... (condemned to hell that is...) ...It'll have a snowballs chance in... (We get it already!)
Junpei: All right, here I go! 3! 2! 1!
(Now!) Fire in the hole!
'Junpei threw the chunk of dry ice as hard as he could. With the same motion, he ducked down into the cellar with Santa and June, just as-- ... ...Junpei leapt up out of the cellar and ran to the door.'
June: Jumpy! The ice on the door! Is it gone?!
Junpei: Yeah! It's gone!
Santa: The blast must've shattered it!
Junpei: Yes! All right, let's see if it opens!
(It better, my nachos have gone cold by now.) (But...But...) Akurei and her stuff don't follow the laws of physics or reality for that matter. Just the laws of cool, drama, or in this case, funny.
'Junpei grabbed the knob and pushed, with all his might. The door gave way easily, and all 3 of them tumbled out of the freezer at once.'
June: Hooray! We're out!
Took the words right out of my mouth.
'June, relieved, collapsed onto the floor.'
Santa: Move!
'Santa shoved past Junpei and ran straight to the grill, which he immediately grabbed.'
(Dude, you're gonna burn your hands with the heat rather than the cold this time.)
Santa: Ow! Godddamnit! Hot hot hot hot hot! Fuck!
(See, I told ya so!) He absolutely did screw himself over.
'He proceeded to kick the grill in a futile but amusing fit of rage.' (Indeed, it amused us.) Right. (Both of you are sadistic jerks, you do realize that, right?) We didn't say anything to deny it. (And, thanks for the compliment, Pansy.)
'But...where was Lotus? It took Junpei only a moment to find her...She was sitting on the counter, idly scratching her chest.'
Lotus: *Yawn* Welcome back. I was starting to get tired of waiting for you guys.
'With a great yawn, Lotus lowered herself off of the counter. Junpei clenched his teeth and walked toward her.'
Junpei: What...were you doing...?
Lotus: What do you mean, what was I doing? I was waiting.
Junpei: We were gonna die!
Lotus: Oh yeah? But you didn't, so everything worked out all right, didn't it?
Junpei: What the hell...
Lotus: Just kidding! It might not look like it, but I was really worried.
Junpei: Don't gimme that crap!
Lotus: I'm telling the truth! I mean, if you died, then I'd be in trouble too. If you died, then I'd be stuck here, and I'd die too. See?
Junpei: ...
Lotus: I did all I could. I even looked around to see if there was anything I could use to pry open the door. But I couldn't find anything. ...So all I could do was wait. I mean...what else did you want me to do? Call the cops?
(If we could, we could've been out of this situation in the first place.) (But...But then there'd be no game!)
'It was true that there wasn't much she could have done,but something about her tone... Junpei gritted his teeth.'
Junpei: Fine. But there's one thing I have to ask you.
Lotus: What's that?
Junpei: You didn't close the door...did you?
Lotus: Wh-What?! You think I closed the door on you? Why would I do something like that?! It closed on its own! I told you before, if you die, then I die too!
'She was right, and Junpei knew it. Without them, she'd be in very serious trouble. It seemed that an accident was the only explanation for the door's closure. If Lotus had really wanted to kill them, all she would have had to do was bar the door from the outside...And she hadn't. Well, she hadn't done anything. The most she was guilty of was laziness, or negligence, not attempted murder. Junpei swallowed his anger, and did his best to apologize.'
Junpei: Well. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I doubted you.
Lotus: Hmm? Oh. Yes, well, that's all right. As long as you understand.
'Lotus looked away and twirled her hair between her fingertips. His vengeance against the grill complete, Santa swaggered back toward Junpei and Lotus.' If only this were an animated series, then Santa abusing the grill would've been a great funny background event.
Santa: Hey! No more screwin' around you 2! Break time's over.
[sarcasm] Then what were you doing with that grill earlier? [/sarcasm]
Santa: Especially for you, lady. You've just been sitting on that fat ass of yours while we were freezing to death.
Lotus: How rude! I was plenty busy!
Santa: Yeah, yeah, how about you put all that energy into something besides bitching.
That's funny, you seem to be doing most of the barking around here.
Santa: Let's go!
(What he said.) OK, now where's that grill...I hope this is it...
Lotus: There's a pot on top of the stove. If there are some ingredient around here, I could cook something up for us...
Junpei: Lotus, you can actually cook?
Lotus: Who the hell do you think I am? You'd better believe I know how to boil hot water and put in my instant noodles!
Junpei: ...
Lotus: And...and...I can boil eggs too!
Junpei: ...
Everyone can do that! (But that'd be an epic fail if it did happen...) *ji...* (Oh, right. Once Shimohi set the stove on fire trying to hard-boil eggs.) Lesson learned, don't play video games while waiting for eggs to boil. You'll forget what you're doing, all the water will evaporate, and the eggs will catch fire and that'll spread to the stove. (Don't worry, Shimohi didn't burn the house down. Just got it smoky enough to set off the fire alarms.) Anyway...I click on the 'counter' to the right and it turns out to actually be the grill. Now time to apply chunk of pork to grill...
'I guess I'll put this meat on the grill.'
Lotus: Hey, what are you doing!? What are you going to do if the paper burns!?
Santa: C'mon, it'll be fine. I mean, it's not like it's gonna burn right away, right? We just gotta keep an eye on it, and the paper'll be fine.
'Well, they can argue all they want. I'm gonna keep an eye on this pork...'
Junpei: Cool, looks like it's about time. I'm gonna try taking the paper out.
June: Jumpy, be careful.
'Sweet of her to care, but I know what I'm--'
Junpei: OUCH!
June: See...? I told you.
Santa: Hey, what the hell are you going? Hurry up and take the paper out--
(Is Santa going to burn himself...again?)
Junpei: It's not coming out. This thing's frozen stiff. I can't get it out.
Lotus: So are we going to have to cut the meat?
Junpei: Yeah, looks that way.
Well, at least let's pick the thing up...
'This paper is stuck in here real good. If I'm gonna get it out, I need to cut the meat open.' (No dice.) Well...
'I wonder what this drawer is...'
Lotus: You see the metal grate on top of the grill? They make it like that so that the fat and juices can drip off of the meat while it cooks.
OK, how about this bit below it...
Junpei: It looks like the area under the plate opens up...
Lotus: No, you can't. I already checked. It's sealed shut. I think that's where the coal goes...
*sigh* I try to check the area under the table where the silver pitcher was found, instead I end up clicking...
'It's a partition that splits the room. On the right side of the wall...'
June: It's one of those swinging doors. You see them a lot in-between kitchens and dining areas in restaurants. Without this door, you'd need to run all the way around the partition to get to the other side.
Junpei: That'd really be a pain in the ass, huh? Well, I guess it's not really important, but still...
Well, might as well check the locked...
Santa: An iron oven. Looks pretty heavy-duty.
June: it's probably industrial quality. I bet you could cook anything with this.
Junpei: Anyway, let's have a look inside... Damn...I knew it. It's locked.
Checking out some bottles near the stove...
'There are some bottles of seasoning in here.'
Still not finding that knife...damnit! From where you can see the sink, I click on what looks like a wooden support...
Lotus: Wow, what a nice dish rack. I'd love to have that in my kitchen.
Junpei: Why don't you take it back with you?
Lotus: Are you offering to carry it for me?
Junpei: Why don't you ask Seven?
Lotus: You're kidding. You don't honestly think I'd let a beast like that into my home, do you?
Fine, after some pointless searching where nothing I click on has anything suspicious.... (Or even any kind of funny comment about it.) ...I finally click on the tools hanging above the rolling pin.
Junpei: It's kinda far away... I can't really tell, but...is that a ladle?
Santa: I don't really think a ladle is going to be very useful.
Well, there is that strange note on the counter near the plates...
'There's a voucher at the end of the counter.'
Junpei: This voucher doesn't match the number of plates on the table...
Lotus: Is says "Appetizer 9, Meat dish 10, Soup A, Seafood F" on the voucher. And the plates on the table are... "9 Appetizer, 16 Meat, 10 Soup, 15 Seafood". Maybe they're using [hexadecimal] here.
Junpei: And hexadecimal is...?
Lotus: It's a number system that goes 8, 9, A, B, C, D, E, F, 10, 11...You're familiar with base-10, right? That's the "normal" system of numbers. The base-10 equivalents for hexadecimal numbers would go like this: A = 10, B = 11, C = 12, D = 13, E = 14, F = 15...And 10 = 16. The 10 becomes 16 in base-10. I know it sounds strange, but you can think of it as just 6 letters added on to the normal number system after 9. A = 10, B = 11, C = 12, D = 13, E = 14, F = 15, 10 = 16, and so on...
'I think I get it...'
So, to this number pad on the oven door...let's see, that voucher reads 9, 10, A, and F...which in hexadecimal is 9, 16, 10, and 15. Let's see what happens when I enter in those numbers...
Lotus: This is probably what you're supposed to use to enter the password. Maybe if we put in the right number it'll open the oven door.
(We know that already, we're not stupid!) I'm trying to click the buttons when...
Lotus: Hey, Junpei, why don't you try entering the numbers we found on the voucher earlier?
That's exactly what I was going to do! (So, stop interrupting us to tell us exactly what we're about to do. Therefor delaying us and making sure we don't get things done!)
Junpei: The one that said "Appetizer 9, Meat dish 10, Soup A, Seafood dish F"?
Lotus: Yes. Convert the 10, A, and F to base 10.
Already did that, so let us get on with it already!
'Well, it's worth a shot... ...'
Junpei: No dice. Looks like that's too many numbers.
Well, how about the digital root of the answer numbers? 9 + 1 + 6 + 1 + 0 + 1 + 5 = 23. 2 + 3 = 5. I click the five button and...
'Looks like the number on the voucher isn't the actual passcode.' Dang it, well, let's check the note/voucher again...
Lotus: Hexadecimal...I wonder if it's some kind of hint.
Junpei: Yeah, maybe.
Lotus: Junpei, do you remember what I told you about hexadecimal code earlier?
Junpei: Yeah, course I do.
Lotus: All right then, here's a little quiz for you. What would 9 + F be in base-10?
Junpei: Well, F = 15, so it'd be 9 + 15, which would be 24...right?
Lotus: That's right. Good job, you're a fast learner.
Well, I end up wandering into the pantry. (Didn't have any brighter ideas, huh?) Well, anyway, I click on the shelf to get rid of the sheet on it and clicked on the shelves again...
'There are cans lining every shelf in here. Wooden box on the second row, though.' Wait! A wooden box? Where? All I see is this board... (It's actually a thin 'wooden box'.) (*facepalm*) *facepalm* Anyway, now that I'm zoomed in on the thing, I open it to find...
Junpei: A rusty knife...I don't think we'll be able to use it while it's like this...
'The knife seemed important, Junpei thought, but it wasn't going to be much use the way it was.'
June: It's futile.
Like my resistance to add the following link. (Yes, your resistance 'is' futile!)
Junpei: Futile...?
Oh no! Is June going to go yandere on us!? (Nope, someone else will.) (Who?) (You'll see...)
June: You know... A waste, useless, pointless...
Junpei: Oh...Um... Any particular reason you wanted to bring that up?
June: Oh, no reason, really...
(Right...)
June: I was just thinking about Futility...
'She wasn't making much sense...Junpei tried rephrasing his question.'
Junpei: Why were you thinking about Futility?
'At last, she answered.'
June: Well, it has something to do with the Titanic.
Junpei: The Titanic?
June: Yep. Have you ever heard the story that the sinking of the Titanic was predicted?
Oh yeah, there was this other... (fictional) ...ship that sunk like the Titanic... (that you forgot what its name is), but that book was written and published before the Titanic sunk. (Talk about life imitating art...which is still a crime against reality!)
- Yes, I have. -
- No, I haven't. -
I think you'll figure out how I answered that one.
Junpei: Ooooooh yeah. I know what you're talking about. There was a novel that had a bunch of stuff in it that described the sinking of the Titanic before it actually sank.
June: Yeah, that's the one.
(And now you're visiting Wikipedia...yet again...) Oh right, that novel was called...Oh my! (Let me see that... "Futility, or the Wreck of the Titan".) I think I'm getting June's train of thought here.
June: The title of the novel is Futility. It was written 14 years before the Titanic sank.
Wikipedia agrees with June on that point.
June: But--
Junpei: I know, I know. I mean, I didn't know the name of the book, but...The story was the same, right? It was just like what happened on the Titanic?
Well, more like it was close enough for Government work.
June: Yeah...
Junpei
June: ...A hoax?
(Yeah, you 'do' know what a hoax is...right? Oh, yeah. You're human.)
Junpei: I heard that the stuff that matched up to the Titanic so well was actually added after it sank.
Well, Wikipedia agrees with Junpei as well..."Following the wreck the novel was reissued with some changes, particularly in the ship's gross tonnage."
Junpei: Apparently, the only thing that was the same originally was that a boat ran into an iceberg and sank.
Well, time to rattle off some stats...Go! The Titanic was 882 feet and 9 inches long. (The Titan was 800 feet long.)
June: But...the novel was published in 1898, 14 years before the accident...
The Titanic's speed was 22.5 knots. (The Titan's Speed was 25 knots. Ha! The Titan can beat the Titanic in a race, motherfucker!) (Are you really going to list stats differences after every line of June and Junpei's...) Why... (...not?) (*sigh*)
Junpei: Like I said, that was the first print of the book.
The Titanic was once described by newspapers as being "designed to be unsinkable" and "virtually unsinkable". (The Titan was the largest craft afloat and the greatest of the works of men and was deemed "practically unsinkable".) (That's just a stupid nitpick and you know it!)
Junpei: 14 years later, the author heard about what happened to the Titanic.
The Titanic carried only 16 lifeboats, plus 4 Engelhardt folding lifeboats, less than half the number required for her passenger and crew capacity of 3000. (The Titan carried "as few as the law allowed", 24 lifeboats, less than half needed for her 3000 capacity. Even with those folding lifeboats, The Titan still had more lifeboats!)
Junpei: He figured that was his chance, you know?
The unsinkable Titanic sank, and more than half of her 2200 passengers and crew died. (The indestructible Titan also sank, more than half of her 2500 passengers drowning.) So... (Let me get this straight...The Titanic was longer, yet The Titan held more passengers?) That's exactly what it sounds like...
Junpei: He just went back and changed some stuff in his novel...
And... (Of course...) The Titanic went down bow first... (While the Titan actually capsized before it sank.)
Junpei: ...So that it matched the Titanic exactly.
Well, aside from the name only being similar, there 'were' some things that were the same. Both had triple screw propellers. (As mentioned before, both had the same passenger and crew capacity.) And... (Of course, the most obvious one...) Both were sunk by a fucking iceberg! (Both were sunk by a fucking iceberg!)
'Surprised by Junpei's response, June seemed rather taken aback.'
June: R-Really?
Junpei: Really...There's no such thing as premonitions or any of that stuff.
'For a moment, June looked very unhappy, more so than Junpei thought was normal for such a discussion. ...But it lasted only a moment. With no apparent reason, she suddenly looked up at him, alarmed.'
June: But! But, but!
(If that's true, then June's gonna....) No! Not now! (...You better keep your word with that.)
June: That wasn't the only book that predicted the Titanic sinking!
Junpei: ...It wasn't?
June: Yep!
That's news to me. (What? You don't remember this?)
June: There were 2 other, similar stories written by a man named William Thomas Stead.
...Who died on The Titanic. Okay, it was only in "From the Old World to the New" that involved the sinking of a ship by iceberg. (While in "How the Mail Steamer went down in Mid Atlantic by a Survivor". A steamer crashes into another ship, not an iceberg, but the similarity is in how passengers died because there were not enough lifeboats...) That is several kinds of irony.
June: Both of them before the accident...One in 1886, and one in 1892.
Like I said, because he died on the Titanic itself. ("How the Mail Steamer went down in Mid Atlantic by a Survivor" was published before "From the Old World to the New".)
June: Stead wrote 2 stories that had striking similarities to the Titanic disaster.
And...Akurei and I mentioned those 'similarities' earlier.
June: In one, 2 ships collided, and many of the passengers died because there weren't enough lifeboats. In the other, a ship collided with an iceberg, and sank.
Well, at least we agree on those points.
Junpei: Hmm... I dunno. I mean, I'll give you that it seems a little weird, but...I'm pretty sure it wasn't too uncommon for ships to hit icebergs back in the day, or even other ships.
June: Right. I knew you'd say that.
Junpei: ?
(Is she about to mention how he died on the Titanic?) Over nine-thousand Internets? (Over nine-thousand Internets.)
June: But...what if Stead had some sort of special powers...? To be more specific, what if he had the ability to do automatic writing...?
Junpei: What? Automatic writing? Wait, are you...Are you talking about that thing where someone says they're possessed by a spirit...And then they write a bunch of stuff without knowing what they're writing?
You mean like Neon Nostrade's Nen ability?
June: Yes.
Junpei: What do you mean "yes"... That stuff's a load of bull!
(Indeed, this guy has a good head on his shoulders.)
Junpei: Okay, so let's say--hypothetically--that automatic writing isn't a total load. These guys still couldn't have predicted the sinking of the Titanic. When this Stead wrote this thing...Nobody had died on the Titanic yet. So if automatic writing is about being possessed by spirits of dead people...Who the hell possessed him so he could write that stuff?
June: That's not it.
Junpei: What's not it?
June: Stead wasn't possessed by a spirit. He was doing the possessing.
Junpei: ... ...
(Okay, how in the hell does that even work!?)
Junpei: What are you smoking?!
(And can I get a hit of that, too!?)
June: William Thomas Stead was a passenger on the Titanic. He just wrote down what he saw with his own eyes. ...20 years before it happened...
'... ...He decided it was probably best to say nothing. What June was saying was insane and utterly absurd. If he tried to take what she was saying seriously, he'd go mad. Junpei smiled uncomfortably.'
Junpei: Well...uh... Why don't we talk about this some other time...okay?
(I can already see the title of the next post this happens in..."Tin-foil Hat Time 3: The rule of Trilogy Creep!") (That's just going to cause Shimohi to title the next post it happens just to make sure you're not wrong.)
June: Huh...? But...
'Her voice trailed off, and she glanced at the floor, troubled. *Tap* *Tap* Junpei tapped June gently on the shoulder and awkwardly reached around her to pick up the knife from the box.' Which, of course means we obtained the knife!
June: We're really in trouble...I know I'm just repeating myself, but this is really a "Futility" moment. That blade is so rusty...
Junpei: Yeah, I know. We can't cut a damn thing with a knife like this. If we're going to cut anything, we probably have to sharpen the knife.
(You know what we must do...) Indeed, rusty knife plus whetstone equals...
'Maybe I'll use the whetstone to sharpen the knife...The blade of the knife is getting sharper by the second. I should be able to cut something pretty good with this.' Obtained a knife.
June: Wow... It's so shiny. Did you sharpen it, Jumpy?
Junpei: Yup.
June: Now we can use it to cut something soft...
Like that defrosted chunk of pork! (It's porkin' time!) (That came out wrong.) (Nope, I meant for it to sound like that.) (...of course you did.) Anyway...I use the held knife on the pork.
Junpei: All right, now that I've sharpened the knife...Yes! I cut the pork!
Santa: Awesome, Junpei. Now we can cut out the paper.
Obtained the pork note! (So, what? Anyone's name who's written in the pork note turns into a chunk of dead pig meat? That sounds awesome!) (No, that sounds gross and disgusting!) This is from the same demon who thinks that nachos covered in the remains of a dude who died of bomb-exploded gut syndrome is the tastiest thing ever. (But it is! *munch* *crunch* *chew*)
Lotus: "C + 10 + F"... Do you think it's some kind of code?
Santa: Damnit! They're just screwing around!
Lotus: Junpei, do you know what C and F stands for?
Junpei: You think maybe it means "Corporate Finance"?
No! (No! You idiot!) More like, "10 + 16 + 15" which equals 41 by the way. (So close to the answer to life, the universe, and everything; and yet so far way.)
Lotus: ...
Junpei: I thought it was "Clever and Funny".
(Don't quit your day job, Junpei.)
Lotus: ...
Now back to that number pad...I click on the one and...
Lotus: This is probably what you're supposed to use to enter the
password. Maybe if we put in the right number it'll open the oven door.
That's actually exactly what you said earlier. (Seriously, all Shimohi did was scroll up and copy/pasted Lotus's earlier dialogue and it was exactly alike.)
Lotus: Junpei, maybe the note you found earlier...
Junpei: Yeah. I know.
Lotus: Do you know how to enter those numbers? I think [E] is for enter and [C] is for clearing.
Junpei: So basically, when I'm ready to submit my answer, I press [E]. So if I screw up, I just press [C], right?
'Lotus nodded.'
Junpei: All right, let's give it a shot!
And now we get to actually mess around with the key pad! Let's see... 101615...Nope, it just replaces whatever the third number was. So it's got to be... (One short of the answer to life, the universe, and everything...) Clear! 41! Wrong. Maybe it's the digital root of those numbers... 5!
Junpei: Huh? This is weird...
Santa: Hey... You're just punchin' in random numbers, aren't you?
Lotus: Maybe if you just enter it like it said in the hint...
Junpei: Aaaaaah shut up! Just shut up!
Well, we have to try again...
Junpei: So if I want to enter my answer, I press [E], and if I screw up and need to start over, I should press [C], right? Let's try this again!
(What he said.) 10 + 16 + 15 = ...41, again! Oh well, let's try the answer to life, the universe, and everything...Nope. How about 10 + 10 + 15...35. Nope. The result of the first stage of finding the digital root...Nope. (I get it, you got C wrong, it's 13 not 10.) Doh! Now let's try this again. 13 + 16 + 15 = ...44? I damn hope this works...nope. Digital root of that? Nope. How about 14 + 16 + 15!? Do I have it right now!? Still no! What the fucking hell man! (Shimohi'll be right back folks, just has no clue about what's wrong here...) Turns out that I got C wrong alright...it's not 10, 13, or 14...it's fucking 12! This had better work or I'm going to have a second broken DS...OPEN!
'Sounds like metal is falling...Well, I guess that went well.' (Well, Shimohi's DS lite is safe...for now.) If you're wondering what happened to my other DS, well...it's a DS "Phat"... (AKA the original version.) ...when I accidentally dropped it one day and the upper screen got cracked. Now, I back away from the number pad and click on the door...
Junpei: Yeah! The door opened!
June: Good job, Jumpy!
I click on the think in the middle of what looks like a tray...and I obtain a Saturn key card!
Santa: This looks like a lower case "h", but the line next to it is throwing me off.
June: This is the symbol for [Saturn]. Remember? There was an elevator next to the main staircase...Wasn't there a mark like this on the card reader next to it?
(Aw come on, Santa! You should know...ah, right...keeping secrets...)
Santa: Oh yeah. I remember that. I guess that means that card ain't gonna help us get out of this room, then.
June: I'm not sure...Why don't we try it out?
(If you say so...) We head towards the locked door, Saturn key card in hand, I click on the card reader and...it works!
Junpei: Yes! I think it's unlocked now!
June: You did it, Jumpy! Let's get out of here!
Yeah, let's get out of the kitchen. I never really liked being in those any way. I click on the door...
Junpei: Yes! Let's go!
Finally!
-------------YOU FOUND IT!---------
Indeed we did. (Should I tell the readers the 'real' reason you hate being in the kitchen...?!) Nope, that'll be more trouble for us than it's worth. See you in the next post!
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