Welcome back everyone! Here's the second trial phase, and the last part of the Turnabout Sisters arc! (By the end of this, someone well be declared guilty!) But it won't be Phoenix or Maya, because... (With our guideance.) ...the truth...will come out!
September 9, 9:52 AM
District Court
Defendant Lobby No. 1
Maya: Well... I guess this is it!
Phoenix: Yeah. One way or another, this case gets decided today.
Maya: Aaa! Ph-Phoenix! Look!
Phoenix: (...!)
(And...it's Edgy...)
Phoenix: (Prosecutor... Edgeworth.)
Edgeworth: I received a call from the public prosecutor's office yesterday.
Phoenix: ?
Edgeworth: He told me that whatever Mr. White says today, it will be the "absolute truth."
Nope, that's a compete lie.
Edgeworth: No matter how you try to attack his testimony... If I raise an objection, I have it on good faith that the judge will listen to me.
Phoenix: (What, does White have the judge in his pocket, too!?)
(I think that's what he kept implying the day before yesterday.)
Phoenix: So... you're saying I'm going to be guilty. End of story?
Not if I have anything to say about that!
Edgeworth: ...I will do anything to get my verdict, Mr. Wright. Anything.
Maya: Why... Why!? How can you torment an innocent person like this!?
Edgeworth: "Innocent"...? How can we know that? The guilty will always lie, to avoid being found out.
Which is exactly what Mr. White is doing right now!
Edgeworth: There's no way to tell who is guilty and who is innocent! All that I can hope to do is get every defendant declared "guilty"!
...even if it means actual innocent people get sacrificed while the actual guilty people get away with it and go on to commit more crimes...?
Edgeworth: So I made that my policy.
Phoenix: Edgeworth... You've changed.
Maya: Hmm? Phoenix! You know him!?
Edgeworth: Don't expect any special treatment, Phoenix Wright.
Maya: Ph-Phoenix...?
Phoenix: Well... court will be opening for session soon.
Maya: What? But wait! Your defense attorney isn't even here yet! He's not...
He's actually standing right here as we speak, and he's going to need all the help he can get.
Phoenix: I'll be defending myself.
Maya: Whaaaat!?
Phoneix: Okay, let's do this.
September 9, 10:00 AM
District Court
Courtroom No. 1
And with the usual chatter and commanded silence...
Judge: The court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Phoenix Wright.
Edgeworth: The prosecution is ready, Your Honor.
Phoenix: The defense is ready, Your Honor.
Judge: Mr. Wright... Are you sure you're up to doing this?
Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor. I will be defending myself.
Judge: Understood. Very well. Mr. Edgeworth, your opening statement, please.
Edgeworth: As the details of the event are already quite clear to the court, today we will hear the testimony of another witness to the defendant's crime.
Judge: I see. The prosecution may call its witness.
Phoenix: (That went far too smoothly! Why didn't the judge ask Edgeworth why his witness didn't testify before!? It's like... it's like he already knows why! Hmm. If anyone's going to raise an objection about this, I suppose it's me...)
-Objection-
-Let it go-
(Well, if nobody else will...)
Phoenix: Mr. Edgeworth, you owe an explanation to the court! Why didn't this witness testify in the trial against Ms. Maya Fey!?
Edgeworth: Hmph. I'm ever so sorry! Mr. White is a busy man, and besides...at the time, I thought that Ms. May's opinion was all that would be needed. Again, my sincerest apologies to the court.
Judge: Excellent, Mr. Edgeworth. I appreciate your demeanor.
(And Edgy just bows...)
Edgeworth: ...
Phoenix: (Great. He gets to show off and I get nowhere.)
Well at least he didn't do a counter-objection.
Edgeworth: I would like to call Mr. Redd White to the stand! Please state your full name.
And Spell Check is going to murder ME...
White: You wish to know the title of my personage?
(Wow...no made up words just yet...)
Edgeworth: Er... your name?
(Unless he changed his legal name to *sparkling of his many jewels* sort of like the artist formerly known as Prince.)
White: Yes! That is what I said!
What!? Akurei! I thought that was a joke! (It WAS a joke!) *blue aura with the lines*
White: Oh dear, do my locutions confuse?
Spell Check didn't react to that one... *looks it up on wiktionary* (So that is a real word after all...)
Edgeworth: Name!
Now! And no more lolly-gagging!
Phoenix: (These two are great together...)
(That had better not be shipping fuel...)
White: My name is Redd White. But my friends call me Blanco Nino.
So, your Spanish friends call you "White Boy"... (Are you sure they aren't insulting you instead?)
White: I am the CEO, or to use a more common term, the President, of Bluecorp.
I think, by now, most people have heard of the term "CEO".
Edgeworth: Did you know the victim, Ms. Mia Fey?
White: That would be a negatory! No, I did not.
Okay, time to start another counter...Blatant Lie Count: 1
Edgeworth: ...You were at the Gatewater Hotel the night of the murder?
White: Correct.
And there's another one. Blatant Lie Count: 2 (And, believe me, there's more where that comes from.)
Edgeworth: And you witnessed the murder from there?
White: Ahem. Why tell you what you already know?
It's implied, but it's still there. Blatant Lie Count: 3
Judge: Very well, Mr. White. You may begin your testimony.
Phoenix: (If I can't rip this guy's testimony apart, I'm done for. Why do I always feel like it's the end of the world and I'm the last man standing?)
(Because the audience loves to watch you suffer.) (*ji...*) What!? It's true!
White: Ho hoh hoh. I hope you have made your peace with God, Mr. Lawyer!
No, we hope you made your peace with yours! (But, more likely than not, you're going to be meeting my god...) (Yeah...Satan himself...)
Phoenix: ...!
Maya: Let him have it, Phoenix!
Phoenix: By window, you mean the one directly across from the Fey & Co. Law Office?
White: Correct! That is the only window, you see.
Phoenix: And there you were reading... papers?
White: Correct!
Yet again... Blatant Lie Count: 12 (That thing's going up rather quickly...)
White: The Gatewater is a business-man's hotel, and I am a busy man who had business to do!
What you did would only be business if you were an assassin rather than a CEO...
Phoenix: A "bedlam"?
White: It must have been when you attacked, I assume.
And assuming makes a *** out of "U" and "Me". Blatant Lie Count: 13
Edgeworth: We see. Continue.
Phoenix: S-spiky-haired!?
Yeah, your hair is spiky. But I think it looks cool!
Phoenix: What was Miss May doing at that time?
White: She had just finished watching a soap opera on the TV, and was weeping openly.
Phoenix: Did you know she had been tapping the Fey office phone?
Edgeworth: "Objection!" Irrelevant! That has nothing to do with the case at hand.
White: I care not. I will answer the lawyer's bold inquiry.
Yes, he did, he was the one who told her to do it. So, now that she got caught, Mr. White is sending up a creek without a paddle.
White: Miss May was acting alone when she tapped the phone of this Fey woman.
And... Blatant Lie Count: 16
Judge: Will you be cross-examining the witness's testimony?
Phoenix: You bet I will! I mean, yes, Your Honor.
Edgeworth: As the details of the event are already quite clear to the court, today we will hear the testimony of another witness to the defendant's crime.
Judge: I see. The prosecution may call its witness.
Phoenix: (That went far too smoothly! Why didn't the judge ask Edgeworth why his witness didn't testify before!? It's like... it's like he already knows why! Hmm. If anyone's going to raise an objection about this, I suppose it's me...)
-Objection-
-Let it go-
(Well, if nobody else will...)
Phoenix: Mr. Edgeworth, you owe an explanation to the court! Why didn't this witness testify in the trial against Ms. Maya Fey!?
Edgeworth: Hmph. I'm ever so sorry! Mr. White is a busy man, and besides...at the time, I thought that Ms. May's opinion was all that would be needed. Again, my sincerest apologies to the court.
Judge: Excellent, Mr. Edgeworth. I appreciate your demeanor.
(And Edgy just bows...)
Edgeworth: ...
Phoenix: (Great. He gets to show off and I get nowhere.)
Well at least he didn't do a counter-objection.
Edgeworth: I would like to call Mr. Redd White to the stand! Please state your full name.
And Spell Check is going to murder ME...
White: You wish to know the title of my personage?
(Wow...no made up words just yet...)
Edgeworth: Er... your name?
(Unless he changed his legal name to *sparkling of his many jewels* sort of like the artist formerly known as Prince.)
White: Yes! That is what I said!
What!? Akurei! I thought that was a joke! (It WAS a joke!) *blue aura with the lines*
White: Oh dear, do my locutions confuse?
Spell Check didn't react to that one... *looks it up on wiktionary* (So that is a real word after all...)
Edgeworth: Name!
Now! And no more lolly-gagging!
Phoenix: (These two are great together...)
(That had better not be shipping fuel...)
White: My name is Redd White. But my friends call me Blanco Nino.
So, your Spanish friends call you "White Boy"... (Are you sure they aren't insulting you instead?)
White: I am the CEO, or to use a more common term, the President, of Bluecorp.
I think, by now, most people have heard of the term "CEO".
Edgeworth: Did you know the victim, Ms. Mia Fey?
White: That would be a negatory! No, I did not.
Okay, time to start another counter...Blatant Lie Count: 1
Edgeworth: ...You were at the Gatewater Hotel the night of the murder?
White: Correct.
And there's another one. Blatant Lie Count: 2 (And, believe me, there's more where that comes from.)
Edgeworth: And you witnessed the murder from there?
White: Ahem. Why tell you what you already know?
It's implied, but it's still there. Blatant Lie Count: 3
Judge: Very well, Mr. White. You may begin your testimony.
Phoenix: (If I can't rip this guy's testimony apart, I'm done for. Why do I always feel like it's the end of the world and I'm the last man standing?)
(Because the audience loves to watch you suffer.) (*ji...*) What!? It's true!
White: Ho hoh hoh. I hope you have made your peace with God, Mr. Lawyer!
No, we hope you made your peace with yours! (But, more likely than not, you're going to be meeting my god...) (Yeah...Satan himself...)
Phoenix: ...!
Maya: Let him have it, Phoenix!
Witness Testimony
-- Witness's Account --
White: Let's see, it was about 9:00, I believe.
White: I was quietly perusifying...er, that's "reading" to you, some papers by the window.
White: Then I heard a bedlam coming from outside!
White: Surprised, I turned to look at the building across the way.
White: It was then I saw him: a spiky-haired man attacking a woman with long hair!
White: Needless to say that man was none other than you, Mr. Lawyer!
White: I called Miss May over at once. She, too, was flabbergasted of course.
White: The victim, she... she ran away, but you gave chase!
White: Finally there was a terrible impaction! Then it was all over...
Judge: Hmm...
Finally, that was over... First of all, we need to update the counter. Blatant Lie Count: 9 (Second of all, I believe the word you were looking for is "perusing.") Not to mention the fact that this is total and complete bull**** made up to hide that you're the true killer!
Judge: If things occurred as you testify, then I'm afraid the defendant is guilty. Very well, defendant... er, I mean, Mr. Wright. Your cross-examination...
Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor.
Cross-examination
-- Witness's Account --
White: Let's see, it was about 9:00, I believe.
...Let's get on with the "Hold it!" marathon already.
Phoneix: How do you know what time it was?
White: Because I am always abso-posi-lutely perfect, you know?
And THAT makes you guilty of yet another crime... being a Marty Stu! But... Blatant Lie Count: 10
Phoenix: No no no, you're not getting away with that!
White: You are so mistrusting, Mr. Lawyer! So... what was the proper term for "secretary" again...? Anyway, Miss May ordered room service for 9:00. It happened soon after the room service arrived.
Phoenix: (Hmm. That's what Miss May said, too.)
-Press further-
-Hold back-
Of course we're going to press the mothertrucker for all he's got!
Phoenix: True, the bellboy who brought the coffee saw Miss May. But he testified that he did not see you at the time!
White: Ahem. This is your concern? Silly Lawyer! Miss May received the coffee outside the room! Of course he could not see me. He would need X-ray vision to pull off something like that!
Or have a remote viewing power, because you were not even in the building in the first place! Also... Blatant Lie Count: 11
Phoenix: (Hmm...)
Edgeworth: Tell us, what were you doing at that time?
Phoneix: How do you know what time it was?
White: Because I am always abso-posi-lutely perfect, you know?
And THAT makes you guilty of yet another crime... being a Marty Stu! But... Blatant Lie Count: 10
Phoenix: No no no, you're not getting away with that!
White: You are so mistrusting, Mr. Lawyer! So... what was the proper term for "secretary" again...? Anyway, Miss May ordered room service for 9:00. It happened soon after the room service arrived.
Phoenix: (Hmm. That's what Miss May said, too.)
-Press further-
-Hold back-
Of course we're going to press the mothertrucker for all he's got!
Phoenix: True, the bellboy who brought the coffee saw Miss May. But he testified that he did not see you at the time!
White: Ahem. This is your concern? Silly Lawyer! Miss May received the coffee outside the room! Of course he could not see me. He would need X-ray vision to pull off something like that!
Or have a remote viewing power, because you were not even in the building in the first place! Also... Blatant Lie Count: 11
Phoenix: (Hmm...)
Edgeworth: Tell us, what were you doing at that time?
White: I was quietly perusifying...er, that's "reading" to you, some papers by the window.
Phoenix: By window, you mean the one directly across from the Fey & Co. Law Office?
White: Correct! That is the only window, you see.
Phoenix: And there you were reading... papers?
White: Correct!
Yet again... Blatant Lie Count: 12 (That thing's going up rather quickly...)
White: The Gatewater is a business-man's hotel, and I am a busy man who had business to do!
What you did would only be business if you were an assassin rather than a CEO...
White: Then I heard a bedlam coming from outside!
Phoenix: A "bedlam"?
White: It must have been when you attacked, I assume.
And assuming makes a *** out of "U" and "Me". Blatant Lie Count: 13
Edgeworth: We see. Continue.
White: Surprised, I turned to look at the building across the way.
Which would actually be the Gatewater Hotel...so "Hold it!" there buck-o!
Phoenix: So you were reading your papers until you heard that sound?
White: But of course. I am no snoop, peeping out of windows at night.
[sarcasm] But apparently ordering your secretary to wiretap someone's phone is a-okay. [/sarcasm]
Phoenix: (No snoop? Yeah, right! You've made a career out of snooping!)
You heard Mr. Wright everyone. Blatant Lie Count: 14
Phoenix: So you were reading your papers until you heard that sound?
White: But of course. I am no snoop, peeping out of windows at night.
[sarcasm] But apparently ordering your secretary to wiretap someone's phone is a-okay. [/sarcasm]
Phoenix: (No snoop? Yeah, right! You've made a career out of snooping!)
You heard Mr. Wright everyone. Blatant Lie Count: 14
White: It was then I saw him: a spiky-haired man attacking a woman with long hair!
Phoenix: S-spiky-haired!?
Yeah, your hair is spiky. But I think it looks cool!
White: Needless to say that man was none other than you, Mr. Lawyer!
Phoenix: What you just said directly conflicts with Miss May's testimony! Miss May clearly stated that the assailant looked like a "girl"!
(And Mr. Wright here isn't a dude that looks like a lady!) Still, citing the rules of a fair-play whodunit, the killer can't be Phoenix so... Blatant Lie Count: 15
White: I've always been proud of my eyesight, Mr. Lawyer.
Phoenix: Just what is your eyesight?
White: Counting both eyes... 40!
Phoenix: 40!? Don't add them together!
Indeed. Usually, you count each eye separately, because one eye can see differently than the other. (For example, if the left eye is 25/20 while the right eye is 15/20) (Okay, that's just...too strange to be real.) But, despite what you might think, 40/20 vision isn't good. That just means you're far-sighted and need glasses to see things up close clearly, unless you're both near and far-sighted. In which case, you're going blind!
Judge: I think the witness is trying to say his eyesight is good.
Phoenix: (Hey, whose side it the judge on, anyway?)
(I think Edgy made that abundantly clear before the trial even started.)
Edgeworth: And what did you do then?
(And Mr. Wright here isn't a dude that looks like a lady!) Still, citing the rules of a fair-play whodunit, the killer can't be Phoenix so... Blatant Lie Count: 15
White: I've always been proud of my eyesight, Mr. Lawyer.
Phoenix: Just what is your eyesight?
White: Counting both eyes... 40!
Phoenix: 40!? Don't add them together!
Indeed. Usually, you count each eye separately, because one eye can see differently than the other. (For example, if the left eye is 25/20 while the right eye is 15/20) (Okay, that's just...too strange to be real.) But, despite what you might think, 40/20 vision isn't good. That just means you're far-sighted and need glasses to see things up close clearly, unless you're both near and far-sighted. In which case, you're going blind!
Judge: I think the witness is trying to say his eyesight is good.
Phoenix: (Hey, whose side it the judge on, anyway?)
(I think Edgy made that abundantly clear before the trial even started.)
Edgeworth: And what did you do then?
White: I called Miss May over at once. She, too, was flabbergasted of course.
Phoenix: What was Miss May doing at that time?
White: She had just finished watching a soap opera on the TV, and was weeping openly.
Phoenix: Did you know she had been tapping the Fey office phone?
Edgeworth: "Objection!" Irrelevant! That has nothing to do with the case at hand.
White: I care not. I will answer the lawyer's bold inquiry.
Yes, he did, he was the one who told her to do it. So, now that she got caught, Mr. White is sending up a creek without a paddle.
White: Miss May was acting alone when she tapped the phone of this Fey woman.
And... Blatant Lie Count: 16
White: The victim, she... she ran away, but you gave chase!
Phoenix: You'd make a good politician, Mr. White.
Probably even get the government shut...oh wait, Congress already did that...
White: Ho hoh! After all, I am "El Presidente."
(In that case, go back to Mexico!) That was horribly racist...
Judge: Please continue.
White: The victim, she... she ran away, but you gave chase!
Phoenix: Can you be a little more detailed about that? I think it's worth knowing exactly what happened.
White: Of course! Comprende! I understand!
(More Spanish, I see... maybe the reason you use so many fake words is because English is only your second language!)
White: The victim was attacked, by you, and ran to the left. You gave chase, and stuck her down!
Edgeworth: Are you sure?
White: As you know, I am always abso-posi-lutely perfect!
Judge: Perhaps you could change your testimony to reflect this new detail.
Just as planned...
White: The victim ran to the left, and you gave chase!
Well...I've got something for you... *pulls out the May Testimony* ...an..."Objection!"
Phoenix: Wait right there! Mr. White, you've dug your own grave!
White: What is this!?
Phoenix: You said the victim ran to the "left." But that directly contradicts Miss May's testimony! She clearly stated that the victim ran "right"!
White: ...! Oh hoh hoh. It is simple. You have misheard her.
Phoenix: I think not. Look at the floor plans... The killer was here. And the victim, here. If the victim ran to the left, as you claim she did... She would have been running directly away from the door! She would have been running into a dead end! Don't you find that odd?
White: ! Very strange... I did see her run to the left... I did.
Maya: Phoenix... look at his face. I don't think he's lying about this one.
Phoenix: True. (Maybe he really did see the victim run left...?)
It's all a matter of perspective...
Phoenix: (So he did witness the killing...?)
Like I, or was it Akurei, who mentioned it before. Unless you're blind or did the killing remotely in some fashion, if you did the killing yourself you'd obviously witness it as well.
Phoenix: (Wait a second!)
(Is he catching on to it now?)
Judge: Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor?
Judge: Miss May says "right," and Mr. White says "left." Can you explain this contradiction to the court?
-Mr. White is right-
-Miss May is right-
-Both are right-
(Obvious answer is obvious!)
Phoenix: Both witnesses are telling the truth. (For once...)
Which is why the blatant lie counter didn't go up since the last time it did.
Edgeworth: Hah! I doubt it! Er, rather, that does not clear up the contradiction!
Then prepare to witness the train of logic rolling into town!
Phoenix: There is one scenario that would explain their conflicting accounts.
Edgeworth: What!?
Here comes the logic train! Choo-choo-mothertrucking-choo!
Phoenix: Obviously, the witness was not viewing the crime from the hotel!
Judge: Mr. Wright! What do you mean?
Edgeworth: Yes, what do you mean, he was not "viewing the crime from the hotel"!? If he was not in the hotel, where could he have been!?
Well, we're about to tell you exactly how!
Phoenix: In the law offices of Fey & Co., of course!
The crowd breaks out into chatter and the Judge demands silence with his gavel three times.
Phoenix: More specifically, he was standing here! (Show the court where Mr. White was standing!)
Oh, that's my cue... ("to start trouble on the double...") Nope, to put a stop to some trouble on the double, Mr. White's gonna drop the bass and start to wobble! (Now where are you pointing your stylus...over the red circle with the "K" in the middle?) Yeah, because he did it! "Take that!"
Phoenix: This is where he was! Look! When the victim ran for the door... If he was watching from this point, to him it would appear that she ran to the "left."
Edgeworth: Please! This is no time for jokes in ill taste!
Probably even get the government shut...oh wait, Congress already did that...
White: Ho hoh! After all, I am "El Presidente."
(In that case, go back to Mexico!) That was horribly racist...
Judge: Please continue.
White: The victim, she... she ran away, but you gave chase!
Phoenix: Can you be a little more detailed about that? I think it's worth knowing exactly what happened.
White: Of course! Comprende! I understand!
(More Spanish, I see... maybe the reason you use so many fake words is because English is only your second language!)
White: The victim was attacked, by you, and ran to the left. You gave chase, and stuck her down!
Edgeworth: Are you sure?
White: As you know, I am always abso-posi-lutely perfect!
Judge: Perhaps you could change your testimony to reflect this new detail.
Just as planned...
White: The victim ran to the left, and you gave chase!
Well...I've got something for you... *pulls out the May Testimony* ...an..."Objection!"
Phoenix: Wait right there! Mr. White, you've dug your own grave!
White: What is this!?
Phoenix: You said the victim ran to the "left." But that directly contradicts Miss May's testimony! She clearly stated that the victim ran "right"!
White: ...! Oh hoh hoh. It is simple. You have misheard her.
Phoenix: I think not. Look at the floor plans... The killer was here. And the victim, here. If the victim ran to the left, as you claim she did... She would have been running directly away from the door! She would have been running into a dead end! Don't you find that odd?
White: ! Very strange... I did see her run to the left... I did.
Maya: Phoenix... look at his face. I don't think he's lying about this one.
Phoenix: True. (Maybe he really did see the victim run left...?)
It's all a matter of perspective...
Phoenix: (So he did witness the killing...?)
Like I, or was it Akurei, who mentioned it before. Unless you're blind or did the killing remotely in some fashion, if you did the killing yourself you'd obviously witness it as well.
Phoenix: (Wait a second!)
(Is he catching on to it now?)
Judge: Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor?
Judge: Miss May says "right," and Mr. White says "left." Can you explain this contradiction to the court?
-Mr. White is right-
-Miss May is right-
-Both are right-
(Obvious answer is obvious!)
Phoenix: Both witnesses are telling the truth. (For once...)
Which is why the blatant lie counter didn't go up since the last time it did.
Edgeworth: Hah! I doubt it! Er, rather, that does not clear up the contradiction!
Then prepare to witness the train of logic rolling into town!
Phoenix: There is one scenario that would explain their conflicting accounts.
Edgeworth: What!?
Here comes the logic train! Choo-choo-mothertrucking-choo!
Phoenix: Obviously, the witness was not viewing the crime from the hotel!
Judge: Mr. Wright! What do you mean?
Edgeworth: Yes, what do you mean, he was not "viewing the crime from the hotel"!? If he was not in the hotel, where could he have been!?
Well, we're about to tell you exactly how!
Phoenix: In the law offices of Fey & Co., of course!
The crowd breaks out into chatter and the Judge demands silence with his gavel three times.
Phoenix: More specifically, he was standing here! (Show the court where Mr. White was standing!)
Oh, that's my cue... ("to start trouble on the double...") Nope, to put a stop to some trouble on the double, Mr. White's gonna drop the bass and start to wobble! (Now where are you pointing your stylus...over the red circle with the "K" in the middle?) Yeah, because he did it! "Take that!"
Phoenix: This is where he was! Look! When the victim ran for the door... If he was watching from this point, to him it would appear that she ran to the "left."
Edgeworth: Please! This is no time for jokes in ill taste!
("Ru͚͙̻e͍̜̜̱̭ ̺y͈̤̰ͅo͚̠͚̞̼̥̹u̠̭̯͈̭ṛ̙̠̥͈͈͖ ̬̙͍͚̠ͅͅm̼͓̞͖͙̤i͓s̤̼f͔̹̝̦͎o͉͓̰̦̫̤̻r̞̲̩̪͖ͅt̤̺͎̪̪̜u̪̮̫̩͖̦̗n̞̬͍̹̺͈e̼͇̪,̞̹̯̭̠̬ ̠̮̖̱l͙̳̰̩o̮̘͓͖̟o̼͍k̼ m̥̞͉̹e̯̰̜ ͚͍̜͇͈ͅi͉̳ͅn͍ ̬̣͎͕̮̹̥t͙̰ͅh̭e̖ ̺e̱̩y͚̪̝͍̗es͓"...does it look like joke in disguise?) Hey, taking a page from Zecora's book I see...
Edgeworth: That is where the killer was standing!
He is, in fact, the killer. Your point is? More noise from the peanut gallery, more of the gavel and this...
Judge: Order! I will have order! Anyone disturbing the order of this courtroom will be held in contempt! Mr. Wright! What are you suggesting!?
White: R-r-rapscallion!!!
Edgeworth: "Objection!" The postulations of the defense are a distortion of the truth, your Honor!
(No, Edgy, what the defense is implying IS the truth.)
Judge: Indeed. They do seem a bit far-fetched...
White: ...Ho hoh hoh! You provide us with so much entertainment, Mr. Lawyer!
Well...technically Akurei's, Niyagi's, and my comments are adding to that entertainment. But still it'll be all the more entertaining when you go down in flames!
Phoenix: (What now!? He's... laughing!?)
White: The hilarity of the moment made me remember something...
More like, you pulled another excuse out of your ***...
White: It appears I have been unclear, and for this, I apologize. Mr. Your Honor...
The "Mr." bit isn't necessary. (See what I mean about English being his second language...)
White: Might I be allowed to testify once more?
Judge: Very well, let's hear your revised testimony.
Phoenix: (Good luck. You can't fix a broken testimony, buddy!)
(Oh no...not this again...) What? We do consider Mr. Wright to be our buddy, friend, and pal.
Witness Testimony
-- She Ran to the "Left" --
White: Miss May's testimony was correct... as was mine!
White: When you assaulted the girl, she first ran to the left.
White: And then you hit her, savagely! That is what I saw.
White: Next, with the last of her strength, she ran to the right.
White: You chased her, and delivered the final blow.
White: That is what Miss May saw.
White: You see? You hit her twice!
White: Don't you remember, Mr. Lawyer?
Judge: Hmm... That does seem to make sense.
(I'm thinking the title of the previous trial phase post should've gone here.) Oh and there's also this. Blatant Lie Count: 21
Judge: Will you be cross-examining the witness's testimony?
Phoenix: You bet I will! I mean, yes, Your Honor.
Cross-examination
-- She Ran to the "Left" --
White: Miss May's testimony was correct... as was mine!
White: When you assaulted the girl, she first ran to the left.
White: And then you hit her, savagely! That is what I saw.
White: Next, with the last of her strength, she ran to the right.
White: You chased her, and delivered the final blow.
"Hold it!"
Phoenix: Stop saying it was me!
Yeah, that's because you did it Mr. White!
White: But, it was you.
Blatant Lie Count: 22
Edgeworth: "Objection!" Mr. Wright! If you claim that it was NOT you, the show us proof!
Phoenix: (Argh! Can I do nothing right? Nothing!?)
Hang in there, we'll set the truth free soon.
White: May I continue?
White: That is what Miss May saw.
White: You see? You hit her twice!
"Hold it!"
Phoenix: So were you watching both times?
White: I suppose I was. And please excuse me for not testifying to this sooner!
Maya: What do you think Phoenix?
Phoenix: I think we've got him right where we want him! He slipped! Let him laugh for now. I'll soon wipe that smile off his face!
White: You see? You hit her twice!
A-ha! I've got something for you... *pulls out Mia's Autopsy Report* ...an "Objection!"
Phoenix: Mr. White! The victim died from a "single" blow!
White: ...!
Phoenix: What do you have to say to that?
White: Er... Erp!
Phoenix: (Now's my chance to hit him where it counts!)
In the pocketbook? (In the nuts?) (No!)
Phoenix: Mr. White. Wasn't it you who told this court you were "abso-posi-lutely perfect"?
Whtie: Mmph. I will refrain from using this phrase from now on.
Phoenix: Your Honor, if you could ask the witness for a new testimony...
Edgeworth: "Objection!" The witness is obviously confused, Your Honor! I would like to request a 10 minute break!
Judge: Yes... yes, quite.
Phoenix: "Objection!" The witness is confused because he's lying! I emphatically request that there be no break, Your Honor!
Crowd: (Yeah! We want justice...!) (Don't let him get away!)
Hurray! The peanut gallery's on our side for once! Gavel slams desk and...
Judge: Very well. If the witness would care to revise his testimony...
Phoenix: (The crowd's on my side! No slipping out of this now, White!)
Judge: Mr. White?
White: O... okay...
Witness Testimony
-- The Two Accounts --
White: Umm, well, see--I looked at the other window when I heard that thing fall.
White: Then, the next moment, I saw Miss Mia run to the left!
White: The killer, you, attacked her... but she dodged.
White: Umm... and then...
White: She turned, and ran for the door!
White: Then you did her in with a single blow! Thwap!
Judge: Hmm. "Thwap" indeed. Very well, you may begin the cross-examination.
White: Mr. Your Honor... My stomach, you see, it is hurting...
(Aw, suck it up! You're a man, aren't you?!) This time it's only going up by one for once after a testimony. Blatant Lie Count: 23
Phoenix: Deal with it. This is almost over.
(Don't count your chickens before they hatch...)
White: ...!
Cross-examination
-- The Two Accounts --
White: Umm, well, see--I looked at the other window when I heard that thing fall.
"Hold it!"
Phoenix: You heard "that thing fall"? What exactly was "that thing"?
White: Huh? Oh... oh, that? Umm... the glass light stand!
Phoenix: (Right... the one that had fallen over at the scene.)
Maya: Phoenix! Doesn't something about that strike you as odd?
-Yeah, very odd-
-Nope-
That he didn't mention the light stand before? Yeah...
Phoenix: (Yeah, that is odd. I'll press further.) Mr. White.
White: Huh? W-what?
Phoenix: You're saying you saw the glass light stand?
White: Y-yes.
Phoenix: Then change your testimony to reflect that!
White: S-sorry. My bad...
Judge: The witness will revise his testimony.
White: Okay okay. Of course.
White: A light stand was lying on the floor when I looked.
Gotcha! That's another one for the counter. Blatant Lie Counter: 24 (Also... Take this fist full of Glass Shards!) ...in the form of an "Objection!"
Phoenix: Mr. White. It was impossible for you to have seen the light stand!
White: Whaaaat!?
Phoenix: The stand broke into pieces when it fell!
White: Ooof!
Phoenix: Just by seeing the broken pieces you would have no idea it was a light stand! So tell me, exactly when was it that you saw the stand? Answer the question!
White: ...! I-isn't it obvious? I saw the stand before it fell over!
Phoenix: So... you saw the stand before the victim was attacked, then?
White: C-correct! That would be no problemo, right?
Phoenix: (Hmm...)
-No problemo-
-Big problemo-
In this case, assuming you actually did this this from the Gatewater Hotel, YOU'D need the X-ray vision to see that!
Phoenix: There's a big problemo, er, I mean problem here.
(Great, now you've got Mr. Wright doing it too. Taco-eater!)
White: What problem is this?
Phoenix: Mr. White, let me make sure I have this straight... You saw the glass light stand though the window, from the hotel...before the incident occurred?
White: Correct! That is so! It's conclusive, definitive, undeniable... unimpeachable!
Phoenix: No, it's impossible! You couldn't have seen the stand!
Chatter, gavel, you know the drill...
Judge: What? Why couldn't he? You have proof?
Phoenix: I sure do, Your Honor!
And that would be...these Floor Plans! "Take that!"
Phoenix: Look at this!
Judge: These are the floor plans to the scene of the murder, yes?
Phoenix: Correct, Your Honor. Now, look... If you were to look though the window at the office... This is the area you would be able to see! Here! Well...? Note that the stand is not within the visible area! Well, Mr. White! What do you have to say to that!?
White: Er... erp! Ri...dicu... losity...
(Once again, "Ridiculostiy" isn't a real word. Even the spell check agrees with me!)
Phoenix: Mr. White. If you were in the Gatewater hotel as you claim, you could not have seen the stand before it fell over! In fact, you wouldn't have been able to see it after it fell, either! There's no way you could have recognized the broken shards as a glass light stand! So, when did you see the stand, Mr. White? It must have been the moment that it fell! And the only place you could have seen that from... is inside the Fey Law Offices! In other words, you were at the scene of the crime, when the murder took place!
White: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
And...chaos ensued before it was quieted down again...
Judge: Mr... White?
White: ...
Phoenix: Mr. White.
(This is it! He's about to lose his ****!)
White: ...
Phoenix: You did it, didn't you?
White: ...Mr. Your Honor. I... I... Miss Mia... ...
Phoenix: (Heh. Looks like we're about to get our verdict!)
Buck yeah! Justice prevails! (I think you may be celebrating too soon...)
Edgeworth: "Objection!" That's far enough, Phoenix Wright!
Phoenix: W-what!? (Urk! I forgot about Edgeworth!)
Edgeworth: Mr. White...
White: ...
Edgeworth: I think the time has come. Shouldn't you confess your crime now, hmm?
White: W... what?
Edgeworth: I said, you should confess your crime. Ergo, confess that you placed the wiretap!
Phoenix: The w-wiretap!?
Judge: Order! Order! Mr. Edgeworth! Explain to the court what you mean by this!
Edgeworth: Distinguished members of the court... Mr. White is slightly confused. Allow me to explain.
Phoenix: (I really don't like the way this is headed...)
Me neither...
Edgeworth: As you know, Mr. White is the CEO of Bluecorp. He ordered his secretary, Miss April May, to tap the law offices of Ms. Fey.
And probably got some assistance from the NSA on that...
Judge: What does that have to do...?
Edgeworth: Your Honor. The question is: when was the wiretap placed in the office, and by who?
Phoenix: No! You wouldn't!
Edgeworth: Mr. White. In order to place the wiretap, you entered Ms. Fey's office. Am I correct...?
White: ...! C-correct! You are most correct, Miles!
Phoenix: Give me a break!
White: Yes... in order to place the wiretap, I breached the Fey & Co. Law Offices! That is when I saw that accursed light stand!
Judge: Now I'm confused. Please explain to the court what all this mean, Mr. Edgeworth!
Edgeworth: Gladly, Your Honor. Mr. Phoenix Wright has made his position quite clear. He has determined that Mr. White knew the glass stand was in the office. He has shown that there was only one time Mr. White could have seen the stand: At the very moment of the murder! Thus, Mr. Wright would like to believe that Mr. White was the murderer!
(That's because he IS THE MURDERER YOU DIP****!!)
Judge: I see.
Edgeworth: However! It is a fact that Mr. White had been to that office well before the murder took place! He went to place the wiretap! He could have seen the glass light stand then. Ergo, Mr. Phoenix Wright's theory is revealed for the baseless conjecture it is!
Uh...Hello, is it possible to have that cross-examined...?
Judge: Mr. White! You will testify to the court about this wiretap!
White: Ahem. Leave it to me!
Phoenix: (I... I feel faint.)
I believe that would be the despair, sir...
Witness Testimony
-- The Wiretapping --
White: It was the beginning of September... the week before the murder.
White: I had entered the Fey & Co. Law Offices.
White: Of course, I had done so to place the wiretap.
White: That is when I saw this glass light stand.
Judge: Hmm... So, you saw the stand before the night of the incident... And this is how you were able to identify what had fallen over. By the sound?
White: Correct! That is right.
You have no right to make that pun...
Judge: I see. Very well, Mr. Wright, you may cross-examine.
Phoenix: (Gah! What am I supposed to do now...!?)
Maya: Good luck, Phoenix...
Aw...****... (Doesn't that "despair" you mentioned earlier look like the shadowy mass that turned people into shadow people?)
Cross-examination
-- The Wiretapping --
White: It was the beginning of September... the week before the murder.
Time...for a..."Hold it." fest again...
Phoenix: D-do you have proof!?
Edgeworth: "Objection!" Miss April May knew the details of Ms. Fey's phone conversation! This proves that the wiretap was placed before the murder!
Phoenix: Huh... right.
White: I had entered the Fey & Co. Law Offices.
Phoenix: Was it really you that went into the office? Or was it Miss May?
Edgeworth: "Objection!" Unidentified fingerprints several days old were found in the Fey & Co. Law Offices. Those were obviously Mr. White's.
Phoenix: (And if I know Edgeworth, he's already run a check on those prints...)
Edgeworth: Now, Mr. White. Tell us why you went to Fey & Co. Law Offices.
White: Of course, I had done so to place the wiretap.
Phoenix: Why did you tap Mia's phone!?
Edgeworth: This has no bearing on the current case, Your Honor.
White: Bluecorp is a detective agency of sorts.
More like "intelligence gathering"...are you sure you're not working with the NSA?
White: We have a responsibility to protect client confidentiality!
White: That is when I saw this glass light stand.
Phoenix: Why did you notice something as innocuous as a light stand?
White: The light stand was made entirely out of glass. It was quite stylish, so I guess it made a lasting impression on me.
(And so, the corrumpo corporātus executivious once again seeks a new trophy to add to his collection, represent his latest conquest.) (Doing that fake nature documentary gag again...)
White: Such a beautacious thing deserves attention, does it not? That is all.
Phoenix: (Dammit! There's nothing there for me to press him on! Oh well... maybe he's rattled enough that I can bluff something out of him!)
Maybe there's still hope? (More like a hope spot...)
White: It was the beginning of September... the week before the murder.
Time...for...you know the drill...
Phoenix: D-do you have proof!?
Edgeworth:
"Objection!" Miss April May knew the details of Ms. Fey's phone conversation! This
proves that the wiretap was placed before the murder!
Phoenix: Huh... right.
White: I had entered the Fey & Co. Law Offices.
Phoenix: Was it really you that went into the office? Or was it Miss May?
Edgeworth:
"Objection!" Unidentified fingerprints several days old were found in the Fey &
Co. Law Offices. Those were obviously Mr. White's.
Phoenix: (And if I know Edgeworth, he's already run a check on those prints...)
Edgeworth: Now, Mr. White. Tell us why you went to Fey & Co. Law Offices.
White: Of course, I had done so to place the wiretap.
Phoenix: Why did you tap Mia's phone!?
Edgeworth: This has no bearing on the current case, Your Honor.
White: Bluecorp is a detective agency of sorts. We have a responsibility to protect client confidentiality!
Don't tell me I'm stuck in a Groundhog Day Loop...
Phoenix: (Uh oh! Don't tell me I've run out of ammo!)
Oh...
Edgeworth: Tsk tsk. I'm afraid that's as far as you go, Mr. Wright. The time has come for you to admit your defeat! You fought... honorably.
Phoenix: (No more... I can't take this anymore...)
"Waited every night..."
Judge: Mr. Wright? Are you giving up?
Phoenix: ...Y-yes, Your Honor.
(Wow, that wiretap really bit us in the ***...)
"Days turned into years, and into centuries. Patience had to fade..."
???: (Phoenix!)
"Don't you see that there is, vengeance in my eyes!"
Phoenix: ...?
"Luna won't you cry for me..."
???: (Phoenix! Over here!)
"I'm as lonely as I've ever been..."
Phoenix: (I know that voice! ...M-Mia!?)
Mia: Never give up, Phoenix!
"I am forced right back into the start..."
Phoenix: ...!!!! M-M-Mia...!
"Is there any...way to...fix a...broken heart!" *falls to the floor unconscious* (...Uh...two temporary angst comas later...)
Phoenix: Where... Where am I? The waiting lobby...?
[sarcasm] Hey, look at the genius over here... [/sarcasm] (Shimohi...)
Phoenix: What happened?
We failed...that's what happened...
Phoenix: ...Oh, right...I lost the trial.
And...once again, no one listens to me at all... (Hey! We can here you!) That's because you live in my head...
Phoenix: I was... hallucinating.
Hope...that there's any good in the human race is a hallucination...
Phoenix: ...
Mia: Ah, you're finally awake.
You can't trust your friends... You can't trust your family... They'll turn on you eventually... No one really cares about you at all...ever...
Phoenix: Gak!
Don't remind me of that show for little girls... (But... no one did. Huh...Akurei, why's Shimohi acting like this?) (Well, maybe Shimohi saw Redd White as being a fictional analouge for a certain jack...) If you break the rating, I will murder you! (...donkey in meatspace who stole a lot of money from Shimohi, among other things. Also losing against him reminded Shimohi of some very painful truths about meatspace. About how, no matter what kind of a fuss you kick up or attention you call to it... The TSA, or the Sherifs Secret Police, will always be spying on you; Women will always be, at best, second-class citizens; gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transexual people will always be beaten up and killed in Russia; and despite what a lot of stories will tell you the bad guys will always win. Hence Shimohi's current behavior...)
Mia: H-hey! Phoenix!
(Well, he has to be hallucinating. How else can he be hearing the voice of Mia Fey even though she's dead?)
Mia: ..."Gak"? That's no way to greet an old friend! Phoenix, I want you to look at me.
Phoenix: Y-You're...M-Maya...?
Mia: Didn't you know the Fey women have strong psychic powers...?
(So, wait!? THIS is the result of that E.S.P. mumbo-jumbo!?) (Pretty much...)
Mia: When you accepted your defeat in court... It appears that was enough of a shock to awaken Maya's true powers.
Phoenix: So... Maya is channeling you, Mia?
(Exactly!) This...this is so...STUPID! (What!? Shimohi's actually agreeing with me...?) (I know, this is serious...) Humanity is stupid, cruel, useless and weak and should've been extinct a long time ago...
Mia: That's right. I am Maya, but I'm also Mia. Now, I want you to listen to me, Phoenix. Maya never gave up. You can't either! That's what I came here to tell you.
(Hold on a minute, that sounds familiar... *walks up to Shimohi and slaps him* GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN! *shaking Shimohi by the shoulders* This is problably what that jack...donkey wants! And you're just giving it to him on a silver ****ing platter! Is that what you really want!? Is...That...What...You...Really...Want!?)
Phoenix: ...! B-but!
But...if I have any hope in humanity again, it'll just hurt that much worse when it's gone again... (That's how you were like in Middle and High School, where people are that pointlessly cruel. And... I'd hate to admit it...but...humans...aren't that bad. And speaking of how people acted back then, what you said earlier reminded me of how I acted back then.) (You don't mean...) (Yeah, break out the exorcism kit.) (Yes! Right away!)
Mia: We don't have much time, Phoenix. Now listen. You've already won.
Phoenix: Huh...?
Mia: You have that Receipt in the court record, right?
Phoenix: Um... oh, yeah! The one you wrote "Maya" on...?
Mia: Phoenix! White wrote that, not me!
Phoenix: So... so what do I do with it?
Mia: Look at the front of the receipt!
Phoenix: The... front? (It's a regular receipt... Looks like it's from a famous department store. "$1.000.00"... wow, big spender! "Item"... "glass light stand"...! "Date of purchase" "September 4"...) ...!
(One exorcism ritual later...) Wha...what the heck is that!? (Why...don't you recognise me!? I'm...Akurei, your demon half!) (More accurately, that's my younger self. *to younger self* Look, it's a waste of energy to be actively trying to kill humanity. They're doing a fine enough job of doing that themselves. Just leave them be and they'll either grow to large to support themselves on the Earth's resources or cook themselves with greenhouse gases. Either way, just give it time and humanity will just commit suicide.) (You...you... On second thought, yeah, humanity is that stupid.)
Phoenix: September 4!
Mia: That's right, Phoenix. I bought that stand the day before I was killed!
(Excuse me, I'm going to have to borrow your Sonic Screwdriver...) Here you go, something tells me this old version of Akurei is the result of a Heroic BSOD causing a temporal anomaly which summoned her into my mind, who then possessed me while I was out cold. (Right, this is a kind of exorcism even I can do... Now past self... Return from whence you came! *Sonic Screwdriver whirling*) And... she's gone!
Phoenix: Whoa!
You're right, Phoenix, that was weird... And that is why I shouldn't give up my faith in humanity...as a whole! (That kind of sounds like a space whale aesop... Now I'm doing that! Again!)
Mia: Now, what did Mr. White say in his testimony?
White: It was the beginning of September... the week before the murder.
Phoenix: He said he saw the stand the week before the murder!
Which of course, can't happen. (Unless he has a TARDIS or the like.) Which he doesn't.
Mia: There you go! I think the court is about to reconvene! Go do it, Phoenix! You know you're innocent, now you just have to prove it!
Phoenix: Right!
'Receipt updated in the Court Record.'
'Receipt for a glass light stand. The date of purchase is the day before the murder.'
Phoenix: Look closely at this. See the word "Maya" written in blood...?
Edgeworth: Bwah hah! You're grasping!
Phoenix: I think not. Look at the other side of the receipt.
Edgeworth: Th-the other side?
Phoenix: Your Honor. Would you tell the court what is written on the other side of that receipt?
Judge: Hmm... Well! A "glass light stand"! And the date of purchase... Why, that's the day before the murder!
Exactly! Then some shocked reactions from both Edgeworth and White...
Phoenix: You see! Mr. White. When you allegedly entered Fey & Co. Law Offices at the beginning of September... The stand could not have been there!
White: Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!?
Phoenix: Well, Mr. White? Can't get out of this one, can you?
White: No... It's impossachievable...
Blatant Lie Count... (It's over nine-thousand!) (No it's not! It's either "impossible" or "unachievable" you can't just expect to just smash two words together and act like it's a real word!) Yeah! Who do you think you are!? George W. Bush!? Even then, I still don't like the guy.
Phoenix: (Uh oh... he's losing it.) ...Well, Your Honor. I understand there must be quite a bit of PRESSURE on you. But I think you'll agree you can't judge me "guilty" under these circumstances.
Judge: ! ......Very well. Then, that is all for the trial of...
Edgeworth: "Objection!" Not so fast, Phoenix Wright!
Phoenix: Eh? (What! No way can he worm his way out of this one! Oh wait... I forgot. It's Edgeworth.)
Edgeworth: There is a certain thread of logic to the defendant's claims. However! There is no concrete proof that Phoenix Wright is innocent!
Phoenix: (...!)
Edgeworth: Ergo! I would like to request one more day before Phoenix Wright is granted his freedom. I need time to make one more inquiry into this matter.
Judge: Hmm...!
Phoenix: (Another inquiry...!? This isn't going to be another one of those "updated autopsy reports"! This guy just makes up evidence as he pleases! This is bad...!)
-Object-
-Wait and see what happens-
Mia: That's right. I am Maya, but I'm also Mia. Now, I want you to listen to me, Phoenix. Maya never gave up. You can't either! That's what I came here to tell you.
(Hold on a minute, that sounds familiar... *walks up to Shimohi and slaps him* GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN! *shaking Shimohi by the shoulders* This is problably what that jack...donkey wants! And you're just giving it to him on a silver ****ing platter! Is that what you really want!? Is...That...What...You...Really...Want!?)
Phoenix: ...! B-but!
But...if I have any hope in humanity again, it'll just hurt that much worse when it's gone again... (That's how you were like in Middle and High School, where people are that pointlessly cruel. And... I'd hate to admit it...but...humans...aren't that bad. And speaking of how people acted back then, what you said earlier reminded me of how I acted back then.) (You don't mean...) (Yeah, break out the exorcism kit.) (Yes! Right away!)
Mia: We don't have much time, Phoenix. Now listen. You've already won.
Phoenix: Huh...?
Mia: You have that Receipt in the court record, right?
Phoenix: Um... oh, yeah! The one you wrote "Maya" on...?
Mia: Phoenix! White wrote that, not me!
Phoenix: So... so what do I do with it?
Mia: Look at the front of the receipt!
Phoenix: The... front? (It's a regular receipt... Looks like it's from a famous department store. "$1.000.00"... wow, big spender! "Item"... "glass light stand"...! "Date of purchase" "September 4"...) ...!
(One exorcism ritual later...) Wha...what the heck is that!? (Why...don't you recognise me!? I'm...Akurei, your demon half!) (More accurately, that's my younger self. *to younger self* Look, it's a waste of energy to be actively trying to kill humanity. They're doing a fine enough job of doing that themselves. Just leave them be and they'll either grow to large to support themselves on the Earth's resources or cook themselves with greenhouse gases. Either way, just give it time and humanity will just commit suicide.) (You...you... On second thought, yeah, humanity is that stupid.)
Phoenix: September 4!
Mia: That's right, Phoenix. I bought that stand the day before I was killed!
(Excuse me, I'm going to have to borrow your Sonic Screwdriver...) Here you go, something tells me this old version of Akurei is the result of a Heroic BSOD causing a temporal anomaly which summoned her into my mind, who then possessed me while I was out cold. (Right, this is a kind of exorcism even I can do... Now past self... Return from whence you came! *Sonic Screwdriver whirling*) And... she's gone!
Phoenix: Whoa!
You're right, Phoenix, that was weird... And that is why I shouldn't give up my faith in humanity...as a whole! (That kind of sounds like a space whale aesop... Now I'm doing that! Again!)
Mia: Now, what did Mr. White say in his testimony?
White: It was the beginning of September... the week before the murder.
Phoenix: He said he saw the stand the week before the murder!
Which of course, can't happen. (Unless he has a TARDIS or the like.) Which he doesn't.
Mia: There you go! I think the court is about to reconvene! Go do it, Phoenix! You know you're innocent, now you just have to prove it!
Phoenix: Right!
'Receipt updated in the Court Record.'
'Receipt for a glass light stand. The date of purchase is the day before the murder.'
September 9, 1:16 PM
District Court
Courtroom No. 1
I think you know the drill by now.
Judge: The court will now reconvene for the trial of Mr. Phoenix Wright. Is the defendant... rather, are you alright, Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: Yes. Sorry, Your Honor.
(Yes, and I think Shimohi would like to apologise for singing in the courtroom.) Nope, remember, no one here can really see or hear us. Hence why Akurei and I playing Magic Carta didn't disrupt the court proceedings at all.
Phoenix: I'm fine now.
We've done enough self-indulgence with that demonic possession sub-plot, let's just sit back and watch Mr. Wright sets things up to pull victory from the jaws of defeat... I hope...
Judge: Then, let's start where we left off.
Edgeworth: Your Honor. There is nothing to go back to! The cross-examination of Mr. White is finished! All that is required now is for you to pass judgement on the defendant Phoenix Wright!
Judge: Hmm...
Phoenix: Your Honor! Please, give me one more chance. I promise you, this is the last time I'll ask you!
Judge: Hmm... But, as Mr. Edgeworth has noted, the trial is more or less finished. Mr. Edgeworth, do you have an opinion on this matter?
Edgeworth: I say... let us give Mr. Phoenix Wright his "last chance."
Judge: Very well! You may begin your cross-examination.
Cross-examination
-- The Wiretapping --
White: It was the beginning of September... the week before the murder.
Well, I'm not going to let despair get me down... (And kind of by proxy...) ...defeat the one who's doing his best to make my life miserable because I couldn't allow him to stay at my place any longer! By... *pulls out the Receipt* ...this "Objection!"
Phoenix: Look closely at this. See the word "Maya" written in blood...?
Edgeworth: Bwah hah! You're grasping!
Phoenix: I think not. Look at the other side of the receipt.
Edgeworth: Th-the other side?
Phoenix: Your Honor. Would you tell the court what is written on the other side of that receipt?
Judge: Hmm... Well! A "glass light stand"! And the date of purchase... Why, that's the day before the murder!
Exactly! Then some shocked reactions from both Edgeworth and White...
Phoenix: You see! Mr. White. When you allegedly entered Fey & Co. Law Offices at the beginning of September... The stand could not have been there!
White: Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!?
Phoenix: Well, Mr. White? Can't get out of this one, can you?
White: No... It's impossachievable...
Blatant Lie Count... (It's over nine-thousand!) (No it's not! It's either "impossible" or "unachievable" you can't just expect to just smash two words together and act like it's a real word!) Yeah! Who do you think you are!? George W. Bush!? Even then, I still don't like the guy.
Phoenix: (Uh oh... he's losing it.) ...Well, Your Honor. I understand there must be quite a bit of PRESSURE on you. But I think you'll agree you can't judge me "guilty" under these circumstances.
Judge: ! ......Very well. Then, that is all for the trial of...
Edgeworth: "Objection!" Not so fast, Phoenix Wright!
Phoenix: Eh? (What! No way can he worm his way out of this one! Oh wait... I forgot. It's Edgeworth.)
Edgeworth: There is a certain thread of logic to the defendant's claims. However! There is no concrete proof that Phoenix Wright is innocent!
Phoenix: (...!)
Edgeworth: Ergo! I would like to request one more day before Phoenix Wright is granted his freedom. I need time to make one more inquiry into this matter.
Judge: Hmm...!
Phoenix: (Another inquiry...!? This isn't going to be another one of those "updated autopsy reports"! This guy just makes up evidence as he pleases! This is bad...!)
-Object-
-Wait and see what happens-
"Object" of course, it's practically the point of the game!
Phoenix: Mr. Whtie's guilt is obvious! There is no need to prolong this trial any further!
Judge: Hmm. Well, Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: If anyone is going to call Mr. White to trial, it would be me, the prosecution. I need a day to ascertain whether your claims have any basis in factual evidence!
Judge: Hmm. I see. Objection denied!
Phoenix: Whaaaat!
Judge: The completion of the trial of Mr. Phoenix Wright will be postponed until tomorrow.
Phoenix: (No! There's no telling what will happen if I can't end this now! Edgeworth is sure to come up with--or just make up--something! And after Mia showed up to help me and all...)
White: Mr. Your Honor! May I go home? Of course. Thank you for your time.
Phoenix: (Gah!)
Mia: The witness will stay!
Phoenix: (M-Mia...!)
Mia: Phoenix! Read this note out loud.
Phoenix: Mia? What's this...?
'Memo received from Mia.'
'A list of people's names in Mia's handwriting.'
Phoenix: Your Honor. If I may...?
Judge: You're quite persistent today, Mr. Wright!
Phoenix: (You bet I am! My life is riding on this one!)
And the fate of the entire human race... [sarcasm] Just so you know... No pressure... [/sarcasm]
Phoenix: Mr. Whtie's guilt is obvious! There is no need to prolong this trial any further!
Judge: Hmm. Well, Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: If anyone is going to call Mr. White to trial, it would be me, the prosecution. I need a day to ascertain whether your claims have any basis in factual evidence!
Judge: Hmm. I see. Objection denied!
Phoenix: Whaaaat!
Judge: The completion of the trial of Mr. Phoenix Wright will be postponed until tomorrow.
Phoenix: (No! There's no telling what will happen if I can't end this now! Edgeworth is sure to come up with--or just make up--something! And after Mia showed up to help me and all...)
White: Mr. Your Honor! May I go home? Of course. Thank you for your time.
Phoenix: (Gah!)
Mia: The witness will stay!
Phoenix: (M-Mia...!)
Mia: Phoenix! Read this note out loud.
Phoenix: Mia? What's this...?
'Memo received from Mia.'
'A list of people's names in Mia's handwriting.'
Phoenix: Your Honor. If I may...?
Judge: You're quite persistent today, Mr. Wright!
Phoenix: (You bet I am! My life is riding on this one!)
And the fate of the entire human race... [sarcasm] Just so you know... No pressure... [/sarcasm]
Phoenix: I have something I would like to read to the court!
And here's... Mia's Memo, "Take that!" Take it away, Phoenix Wright! Our Ace Attorney!
Phoenix: The memo Mia had given me was a list of names. Many of them sounded strangely familiar. People in finance, famous celebrities... That's when it happened.
White: S-s-stop! Desist! Halt! P-please, stop! Make him stop! How... how did you get that list!?
Mia: Mr. White. Admit your guilt, right here, right now. Or else this list will be released to the press!
White: !!! ...I... I confess. I confess. I... I did it. I hit her. I hit Miss Mia with "The Thinker"! ...
Mia: Case closed, Your Honor.
Now if only Lysenis would admit to stealing that $224 that I was saving...
Judge: Well, I see no reason to continue this trial. Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: You've done it again! That was quite a spirited defense!
Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor. I guess you could say that. (If only you knew how "spirit"-ed it was!)
(Boo! What a bad pun!) Well, it did involve some divine intervention... (..that was almost wrecked by demonic intervention.)
Judge: Hmm. Well! This court finds the defense... Ahem! Rather, the defendant, Mr. Phoenix Wright... Not Guilty!
WOOT! ("We Own the Other Team"!) It's confetti party time!
Judge: That is all. The court is adjourned!
(Too bad he isn't a lawyer himself. How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?) (Monster! Do not tell those kind of jokes here!) It's not that kind of joke, the answer is in the posts title. (*looks up*Oh...it means "hung" as in "death by broken neck with a rope at the sudden stop at the end of a short fall". Yeah...anyway, Send Mr. Blanco Nino back to Mexico!) Huh... Niyagi... we're going to have to do something about your racism...
Judge: That is all. The court is adjourned!
(Too bad he isn't a lawyer himself. How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?) (Monster! Do not tell those kind of jokes here!) It's not that kind of joke, the answer is in the posts title. (*looks up*Oh...it means "hung" as in "death by broken neck with a rope at the sudden stop at the end of a short fall". Yeah...anyway, Send Mr. Blanco Nino back to Mexico!) Huh... Niyagi... we're going to have to do something about your racism...
September 9, 2:24 PM
District Court
Defendant Lobby No. 1
Mia: Well, I never thought I'd be saying this again... But, congratulations! You're lucky I was born a Fey!
Phoenix: I'm lucky I had both you and Maya on my side.
Mia: I'm glad you made it. ...Thank you, Phoenix. You risked a lot to help me... and Maya. I won't forget it as long as I live!
Huh... but... you're already dead... ("YOU WA SHOCK!") (No! Not that again!)
Phoenix: (As long as you "live"...?)
Mia: ...My time here's running out.
Phoenix: Huh?
Mia: Maya's powers are still weak. I can't stay here that long.
Phoenix: W-what!? No! There's still so much to say!
Mia: Don't worry. I'm sure we'll meet again.
And the future is safe... for now...
Phoenix: Ch-Chief!
Mia: Hee hee. I'm not the "Chief" anymore. Phoenix? Can you come to the office tonight... say, 9:00?
Phoenix: The office...?
Mia: I'll see you later.
Phoenix: Chief... Mia!
September 9, 9:02 PM
Fey & Co. Law Offices
Phoenix: (Being here, it's hard not to think about that night...)
???: You came!
Phoenix: Mia...
???: I was kinda worried you might not.
Phoenix: Huh? Of course I came...
???: Well then! I'm pretty hungry. How about a burger?
Phoenix: M-Mia...?
???: ...Bwah hah hah! You should see your face!
Phoenix: Mia!
Maya: What are you talking about? It's me! Maya!
Phoenix: M-Maya...?
Maya: What, did I look like my sister?
Phoenix: (Look like... you WERE her!)
(So... you mean to say that's actually a thing?) In this universe, yeah.
Maya: Hmm! I might be able to use that. "Oh, Phoenix! Go to the store and by me lunch, would you?"
Phoenix: Uhm, Maya... Why are you here?
Maya: Because of this! See? Mia wrote me a letter.
I've heard of sending letters to the great beyond, but getting an actual letter back...?!
Maya: "Take care of Phoenix for me."
Phoenix: Take care of... huh?
Maya: She means the office! This office! Someone has to help with the new Wright & Co. Law Offices, right? And who better but me! Maya Fey, reporting for duty! Wait, no, on second thought, let's make this casual! Yo, Nick! Maya here, ready to get down to business! You... don't mind me calling you "Nick," do you? It's a great name! Mia said that's what your friend Larry calls you.
But where did Larry get the idea to nickname you "Nick"?
Phoenix: ("Nick"...?)
Maya: You know what this means? We're partners!
Phoenix: You know, when I think about it... It's Maya's fault I'm here now. But... If it wasn't for her I'd probably be in jail! "Wright & Co. Law Offices." It's got a good right to it. Yeah! Tanks, Maya!
Mia: (Good luck, Phoenix. I'll always be here... watching.)
Maya: Right! Okay, Nick, let's do it!
Phoenix: Huh? Do... what?
Maya: Burgers, dummy! Burgers! There's a great burger joint just down the street. C'mon! Time's a wasting!
Phoenix: O-okay! Wait up!
THE END
---------------------
Of this story at least! Check back later when I'll have the seventh post in the LP series up, kicking of the plot of "Turnabout Samurai"! (There's no business like show business!) Then some people die...for real! (Dun-dun-duuuun!)
No comments:
Post a Comment