September 7, 3:11 PM
Detention Center
Visitor's Room
([sarcasm] Aw great, we get to visit the bimbo first... [/sarcasm])
April: I didn't expect anyone to visit me in such a dank place as this... It's really quite... moving. Not! You stinking lawyer! I hope you die! Have you come to laugh? Yes, laugh at the fallen Miss May!
(Uh... I think you've fallen long before now...)
Phoenix: No, not really, there's something I wanted to ask.
April: Unfortunately, there is nothing I want to BE asked. Haven't you done enough questioning, you...! Spiky-head!
Phoenix: (Here we go again...) Please, you're scaring the security guard.
April: ...So? What is it you wish to ask of me, then? Hmm?
Phoenix: (For starters, how did you get to be so totally whacked!?)
("Wiggity-whack?") "No, just regular type..." Well, time to ask some questions! Current topics are: 'That "man"', 'The wiretap', and 'Your attitude'. Might as well keep to that order, so first...That "man"...
Phoenix: About the man who stayed with you in your hotel room...
April: ...
Phoenix: Can you tell me about him? Where is he? C'mon...
April: No way, Jose.
Phoenix: (Hmm... maybe if I had something to get her to talk...)
Next topic, The wiretap...
Phoenix: Why did you place a wiretap on Mia's phone?
April: Aww, when you say it like that it sounds so... cold. So criminal!
That's because it is a crime, jackass!
Phoenix: Um... tapping people's phones is a crime, Miss May.
Indeed, hey! TSA! Are you reading this? Oh wait, of course you are, you're reading and listening to everything...
April: Oh, and I suppose you learned that in Lawyer School, hmm?
First of all, that's "Law School" or collage. Second of all, that's common sense! Which some people in the government could use a lot more of it.
April: Creep!
Phoenix: (This woman is impossible to talk to...)
Like the GOP. (Okay, that's going too far!) Well, last I checked the shutdown's still on going. Besides, now we're on to the last available topic... Your attitude. Which seriously needs adjusting. Just like... (Shut up about it already!) Alright...
Phoenix: Say... Why are you so... angry? I mean, you don't look like a bad person...
Looks can be deceiving, Mr. Wright...
April: Ooh, that does it! Bottom-feeding, scum-sucking lawyer!
Phoenix: B-bottom...? (I can't tell, does she have a thing against lawyers... or just against me?)
(I don't know... Let's bring another lawyer here, leave her alone with that other lawyer and see if she tries to bite his head off.) Do you mean that figuratively or literally? Well, April's not helping us at all, so why don't we go to...
September 7
Gatewater Hotel
Room 303
Bellboy: Ah, welcome, sir! Quite the performance today, if I dare say so myself.
Phoenix: Oh, um, thanks. Sorry for putting you on the spot like that.
Bellboy: No, no, not at all, sir! Your efforts today can only help the Gatewater's "rep," as they say.
"There's no such thing as bad publicity." Unless you're in politics.
Phoenix: Huh? "Rep"?
Bellboy: Yes! Our reputation will swell as the hotel where the murderer used a wiretap! We can charge a premium for the room, of course. It will be great for business, sir!
Well, there is this Soda Fountain I visited that has a sign placed in front of a stool saying that a certain famous president (before he was elected) sat in that stool while on the campaign trail. Similar idea there...
Phoenix: Whoa, whoa! Miss May hasn't been charged with murder.
Bellboy: I, too, will become famous! "The Bellboy who brought the murderer ice coffee"...!
April May is not the murderer! (Yeah, it's a corrupt corporate executive!) Aren't they all like that? (No! Trust the government and the corporations, it'll be just fine...) And Niyagi says that we've been living in Night Vale for too long...
Phoenix: (Why do I feel like we're both stuck in the same bad dream...)
Bellboy: So! You are your honored guest. Please let me know if there is anything I can bring you!
Alright! Let's talk his ear off! Topics this time are: "Miss May", "The man with May", and "The hotel". Same order as usual..
Phoenix: About Miss May...
Bellboy: Oh, her? Sir, not to boast but I knew the moment I saw her... "She'd do it!" I said!
(Do I dare ask what it was she'd "do"...) For your sanity's sake, I'd say no.
Phoenix: (Do WHAT!? I'm starting to think the most suspicious person here is this guy!)
I agree with you there. Next topic!
Phoenix: I wanted to ask you about the man who was with Miss May...?
Bellboy: Ah, yes... He struck me as a real "Lady Killer," if you'll pardon the expression.
(More like he's a literal lady killer...because he, you know, KILLED A LADY!)
Bellboy: I knew it from the moment I saw him, sir. He and I are of the same ilk. We both carry the scent of... danger.
Okay, now I'm starting to see where you got that "the Bellboy's Shelly De Killer" idea from...
Phoenix: (There we are in total agreement, Mr. Psycho Bellboy.)
(Maybe Miss May and this Bellboy are actually perfect for each other...) At least to keep them away from everyone else.
Bellboy: If you had a photo of that man, I'm quite sure I could identify him.
Phoenix: (A photo. Hmm...)
(Ancient Internet Wisdom: "Pics or it didn't happen!") Now let's hear about that hotel...
Phoenix: Could you tell me about this hotel?
Bellboy: Absolutely! And on that subject, I have an excellent idea, sir! Currently, this hotel is known as the "Gatewater." I propose that we add a subtitle!
Phoenix: A subtitle!?
Be careful, otherwise the hotel will have a case of Colon Cancer on it's hands. (Oh, this very game series will have a bad enough case of it soon enough. But when we get to those games...) Oddly enough, because you can't actually catch cancer from someone else... (...the colon cancer will spread to this very blog!)
Alright! Let's talk his ear off! Topics this time are: "Miss May", "The man with May", and "The hotel". Same order as usual..
Phoenix: About Miss May...
Bellboy: Oh, her? Sir, not to boast but I knew the moment I saw her... "She'd do it!" I said!
(Do I dare ask what it was she'd "do"...) For your sanity's sake, I'd say no.
Phoenix: (Do WHAT!? I'm starting to think the most suspicious person here is this guy!)
I agree with you there. Next topic!
Phoenix: I wanted to ask you about the man who was with Miss May...?
Bellboy: Ah, yes... He struck me as a real "Lady Killer," if you'll pardon the expression.
(More like he's a literal lady killer...because he, you know, KILLED A LADY!)
Bellboy: I knew it from the moment I saw him, sir. He and I are of the same ilk. We both carry the scent of... danger.
Okay, now I'm starting to see where you got that "the Bellboy's Shelly De Killer" idea from...
Phoenix: (There we are in total agreement, Mr. Psycho Bellboy.)
(Maybe Miss May and this Bellboy are actually perfect for each other...) At least to keep them away from everyone else.
Bellboy: If you had a photo of that man, I'm quite sure I could identify him.
Phoenix: (A photo. Hmm...)
(Ancient Internet Wisdom: "Pics or it didn't happen!") Now let's hear about that hotel...
Phoenix: Could you tell me about this hotel?
Bellboy: Absolutely! And on that subject, I have an excellent idea, sir! Currently, this hotel is known as the "Gatewater." I propose that we add a subtitle!
Phoenix: A subtitle!?
Be careful, otherwise the hotel will have a case of Colon Cancer on it's hands. (Oh, this very game series will have a bad enough case of it soon enough. But when we get to those games...) Oddly enough, because you can't actually catch cancer from someone else... (...the colon cancer will spread to this very blog!)
Bellboy: The Gatewater Hotel
-- Murder Manor --
(Seriously!?) Yeah, the dialogue was centred and everything. Not that it'd be likely to show up that way when this post is actually published... *sigh*
Bellboy: Well? What do you think?
Phoenix: Um... sounds great! (Whatever floats your tea set...)
(Well, time to check in with that worse-than-a-catfish fat dude...) I think you mean...
Phoenix: An affidavit? (This guy is way too excited about this...)
-Have him write it-
-Turn him down-
(Why the heaven not, at least we can figure out what that means...I think.)
Phoenix: Well, sure. Why not?
"Why not?" Indeed.
Bellboy: Yes! I've always wanted to write an affidavit, sir. From hence forth I will be known as the "bellboy who swore the affidavit"!
Phoenix: Just hurry up and write it.
'Bellboy's Affidavit added to the Court Record.'
'Describes the man who stayed with Miss May in the hotel on the night of the murder.'
Phoenix: (Not even Miss May can play dumb to this!)
Still, what the crap is an affidavit!? *looks it up on Wikipedia* So...yeah... Anyway on to the detention center to wring some info out of that... (Bimbo!) ...yeah...Not really excited about this but, I know railroad tracks when I see them. (Choo-choo!)
April: YOU AGAIN!? Can't you take a hint and stay gone?
Phoenix: Hey, the only reason I'm back here is because YOU won't talk to me!
April: Oh, so it's MY fault now?
Yes.
April: You don't just have spiky hair, you also have a spiky heart!
I know what kind of heart you have, but what about him!
Phoenix: (That does it. When this case is done I'm shaving my head.)
No! Don't do it! Your hair's too cool for that! (And now, to present...the pic of her boss!)
Phoenix: Have a look at this.
April: Look, I've said several times, I'm not telling you... ! Where did you...?
Phoenix: (Ah hah! A reaction!) This is him, isn't it?
April: What? Who? When? Why...?
Phoenix: It IS him. This is the man who stayed in your hotel room the night of the murder!
April: No! No, that's not right.
Phoenix: (Nice try, Miss Cooperative.)
April: D-do you have proof that was him? Hmm? Y-yeah! Proof! Show me proof!
Phoenix: (I'm so close!)
(Well, that's what that affidavit is for.) Well, it does have the legal weight of a statement made under oath. But, then again... in this universe, that doesn't seem to be worth much after all. Still, it's time to present that affidavit!
Phoenix: Could you have a look at this?
April: What's that?
Phoenix: The bellboy's affidavit! He told us everything he saw. He told us about the man you checked in with. He told us who he was.
April: ...!
Phoenix: (Now I'm getting somewhere!)
-Ease her fears-
-Push her hard-
(Well, she has been a little ***** so far. She's going to deserve every bit of fear we can instill in her!)
Phoenix: (This is it, all or nothing! Time to do a little bluff.) No use playing dumb! (If, indeed, that's an act.) If you don't talk, I'm taking this photo to the press!
(And the only types that're even close to lawyers in horribleness, would have to be reporters.)
April: Whaaaaat!?
Phoenix: Even though he should be a witness to murder, this man is in hiding. I'm sure the press would have a field day with his reputation!
April: ...! Ooooh! Fine! I'll talk! You... you win, Lawyer.
Phoenix: (Yes! Man, that felt good! It's great to be alive!)
April: Why are you pumping your fists in the air?
Phoenix: *cough* Now, tell me about the man you were with.
April: That man... He's my boss.
(Called it!)
April: Redd White, the president of the information gathering conglomerate, Bluecorp.
So that's the significance of the colours of the American flag...
Phoenix: (Redd... White?)
...of Bluecorp. Red, white, and blue!
Phoenix: "Information gathering?"
April: Well... I suppose you could call them a detective agency.
Are these guys sub-contractors for the TSA!? (Again with your bashing of the government, spying on its own people is just something that big governments DO!) Yeah...I guess all of us are going native to Night Vale in one form or another...
Phoenix: Hmm... So this is the man that was with you the night of the murder?
(Nope, he was too busy across the street hitting a lady in the head with an empty clock...)
April: ...I'm...I'm scared to talk. I don't want to end up like her!
Phoenix: (...!)
(It's undeniable, Redd White is an ***hole!)
Phoenix: It's okay, I'll just ask Mr. White himself. Can you tell me where Bluecorp is located?
April: ...
Phoenix: (Mr. Redd White, at last! Finally, a lead on this guy! If April May couldn't have done it, that leaves him! Time to take action!)
'Discarded the Bellboy's Affidavit.'
(Well, we don't need it anymore, it served its purpose.) To Bluecorp! Away!
Phoenix: So you came to see the trial?
Grossberg: Yes, yes I did. Something was bothering me all last night, you see, couldn't get a wink of sleep.
Phoenix: Really? What was that?
Grossberg: Well, you see, it's just... Mia's sister, that poor girl. My boy, I owe you my thanks, truly. I don't know what I would have done if things had gone poorly for the girl.
Consence catching up with him? Well, next...Why the hell did you refuse to help Maya like you promised!?
Phoenix: I asked before, but, why did you refuse her request for defense? I think I have a right to know.
Grossberg: A right, Mr. Wright?
(*LOL*) (Give it a rest, all ready!)
Grossberg: No, no, I'm sorry. It's just, I need more time to think about it, my boy.
Phoenix: ...
Really, Mr. Grossberg...Really...?!
Phoenix: (He does seem troubled about something...I'm starting to have a feeling I know what it is.)
And, of course, the head jack...donkey himself...
Phoenix: So, I paid Bluecorp a visit.
Grossberg: Oh? Oh, I see.
Phoenix: Mr. Grossberg...I have to admit, something has been bothering me.
Grossberg: Oh? What is it? Well, out with it, my boy!
Phoenix: You see, it's just...
-That big painting-
-That photo of Mr. White-
-Why wouldn't you defend Maya?-
(It's painfully obvious what's missing in this room...)
Phoenix: Mr. Grossberg, sir... There was a giant painting hanging right there the other day, was there not? The one you said you had "no intention of parting with"?
Which you, of course, made abundantly clear even though we had no interest in that smelly painting anyway...
Phoenix: Well, I saw it. Today. It was in the CEO's office at Bluecorp. Redd White's office.
Grossberg: ...So... you noticed. I suppose I should have guessed you would. It is a large painting...
Phoenix: Mr. Grossberg, I know you and Mr. White are connected somehow!
Grossberg: C-connected, you say?
Phoenix: Yes! And I know that it is...
-He's giving you information-
-He's blackmailing you-
-You're lovers-
Well, it's pretty obvious what that is... (Nope! For breaking his promise to the late Mia Fey, we're going to troll him for a bit!) Hey! Give my back my DS!
Phoenix: It's not something I can claim to understand...But you and Mr. White are lovers, aren't you!
(Wh-WHAAAAAAAT!?) *facepalm* So, this is what you meant by "trolling"...For anyone reading this, the real answer is "He's blackmailing you".
Grossberg: W-w-what! My boy!
Phoenix: You sent that painting to him! As a sign! A sign of undying love!
*LOL* That's rich...!
Grossberg: M-m-my boy, please! You're letting your fancies run away with you! Where do you get these bizarre ideas?
This trolling demon or the wild mass guessing page of TV Tropes...
Phoenix: I... I don't understand how you could...
Grossberg: That's because I'm not, we're not... Don't be ridiculous! ...Enough. I'll swallow my pride and tell you all.
Phoenix: (I knew it! They are lovers!)
Grossberg: N-no! We are NOT lovers!
What the...Grossberg can hear Mr. Wright's thoughts!? That's our thing! (Yeah!)
Grossberg: Redd White is a man who makes his living through intimidation. Bluecorp is a company that excels in finding people's weaknesses, I'm afraid. I've been paying them for 15 years now...
Phoenix: (15 years...!)
Grossberg: All because of the "DL-6 Incident," as you may have guessed.
Phoenix: (The name on the back of those photographs!)
Grossberg: As you suspected, I could not stand in defense of Maya because of this. White would have destroyed me if I did.
Phoenix: (So that's the connection!)
("I guess you've made the connection now, mother****er! Hah!")
Grossberg: It is hard for me to tell you this, my boy. But arresting Redd White will be nigh on impossible.
"Never tell me the odds!" We're going to do it anyway! ("Do the impossible. See the invisible. ROW! ROW! FIGHT THE POWAH!")
Phoenix: Impossible? Why!?
Grossberg: He has information on everyone. It gives him an iron grip! He owns judges, attorneys, prosecutors, police... and politicians.
(And the one thing in common with all of them, they're all corrupt mother****ers!) Ah-hem... (I mean except Phoenix over here, but he's the exception to the rule.)
Phoenix: What!?
Grossberg: They are bound, unable to do harm to themselves, and therefore, to him. Don't look at me like that. What you see is nothing more than the weight of many years.
Okay, so the "Mr. White" topic has disappeared, and has been replaced by two new topics: "The DL6 Incident" and "Reason for blackmail"...all right chums! Let's do this!
("LEEROOOOOOOOOOOY. JEEEEEEEEEEENKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS.")
Phoenix: What is the "DL-6 Incident"?
Grossberg: "DL-6" is nothing more than the sorting code the police gave the case. It was 15 years ago now... I received a request from a medium. A spirit medium.
Phoenix: (A medium...?)
Grossberg: Her name was Misty Fey.
Phoenix: (Fey!)
Grossberg: Indeed. She was Mia's mother. She had been investigating a murder at the bequest of the police. And... she failed. As a result, the police called her a fraud.
Dude, like I said, just because someone's dead doesn't mean they suddenly know everything!
Phoenix: (This is what Maya was talking about the other day!)
Grossberg: I did all I could for her, and in the end, cleared her of wrongdoing. That murder case, however remains unsolved to this day. That case, is the DL-6 Incident.
And now for that reason for blackmail...
Phoenix: But why were you blackmailed over this, Mr. Grossberg?
Grossberg: The DL-6 Incident was top-secret at the time. It made sense. The police didn't want people to know they were using a medium! They couldn't let people know. But one person found out. I... I told him.
Phoenix: You told White?
(Yeah, Grossberg, you're The Weakest Link...Goodbye!) No! You can't kill him over this! (Why not!?)
Grossberg: He offered me riches... It is an embarrassment to me now. Because I talked, the police were mocked far and wide. In secret, they began looking for the one who sold them out. Of course White heard about it, and he came to me. Only this time, the offer was blackmail.
That's what you get for making a deal with the devil...
Phoenix: ...I see.
...you know what, I'm not going to laugh at this lost in translation name pun right now... (Out of respect for the horrible situation Grossberg has put himself into.)
Grossberg: ...White controls the law of this country as he sees fit. Yet if you still challenge him...
And we will...
Grossberg: Have a close look at Mia's office.
Phoenix: Mia's office...?
Grossberg: She followed his every move for years. She may have recorded something of what she found.
Well, we know where we're going this time...
September 7
Grossberg Law Offices
Phoenix: (Huh. Looks like Grossberg is out today... again. Maybe he's avoiding me for some reason?)
Time to examine ALL THE THINGS...again! (How about let's keep it to "all the things that've changed since last time.) Good idea. First of all, that smelly painting is gone for some reason...
Phoenix: Wait a second... Wasn't there a giant paining hanging on that wall...? Yeah, it was a paining of...
-Sunflowers-
-Marvin Grossberg-
-Fishermen-
How about, "none of the above"... (But we have to pick something!) (It's rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock time again!) ("lizard" and "Spock" are not legal signs!) Actually, they're perfectly balanced against the usual three, so they're legal. Anyway, like before, we're looking for a tie... 3, 2, 1, shoot! (*Rock*) (*Spock*) Spock vaporises Rock, Akurei wins. Again! 3, 2, 1, shoot! (*Paper*) (*Spock*) (What!? Spock again!) (Grrr...) (What!?) Paper disproves Spock, Niyagi wins. (Yay!) 3, 2, 1, shoot! (*Rock*) (*Lizard*) Rock crushes Lizard, Niyagi wins. 3, 2, 1, shoot! (*Paper*) (*Rock*) Paper covers Rock, Niyagi wins. 3, 2, 1, shoot! (*Rock*) (*Rock*) And so, we choose... (Maybe a younger version of...) Marvin Grossberg himself! (Well, that'd explain why he was so attached to it.)
Phoenix: Wasn't it? It wasn't a very memorable painting, anyhow.
Anyhow, Akurei won once and Niyagi won three times. Even with the two new weapons of lizard and Spock being used. Anything new with the desk...
Phoenix: A solid mahogany desk. The wood's been polished to a deep luster.
Nope, now how about that thing in the corner of the desk closest to us?
Phoenix: What's this? Old photos? There are two lying here. Something's been written in pencil on the backs. "DL-6 Incident - Exhibit A," "DL-6 Incident - Exhibit B"... Let's take a look at these...
-"DL6 Incident - Exhibit A"-
-"DL6 Incident - Exhibit B"-
-Leave them alone-
(I'll take Exhibit B for 500!) (That doesn't even make any sense!)
Phoenix: Why would Grossberg have a picture of this man...?
(Maybe similar to the same reason that Cecil and Kevin have pictures of themselves on their desks.) (Still not making any sense...)
Phoenix: This might be a valuable clue... I'll take it for now. I'm just borrowing it. I'll return it later.
([sarcasm] Right... [/sarcasm])
'Photograph quietly added to the Court Record.'
'On the back the words "DL-6 Incident - Exhibit B" are written in pencil.'
(I know just what to do with that picture...) Indeed, and we shall go to the Gatewater Hotel! (And shove that photo in his face!) Not really "shove it in his face" but more like "present it to him".
Phoenix: Take a look at this photo.
Bellboy: ... That's him, Detective.
Huh... Phoenix's a lawyer, not a detective. But I can see where that confusion could come from.
Phoenix: Um... I'm the lawyer.
Bellboy: Oh, I know that!
Let me guess, you just wanted an excuse to say that.
Bellboy: I just wanted to say "Detective" once. You know how it is.
Oh, I do Mr. Bellboy, sir. I do...
Phoenix: (No. No I don't.)
Bellboy: Without a doubt, that is the man who checked in with Miss April May. How about I write an affidavit swearing that that's him!
Just what the crap is an "affidavit"?
Phoenix: Take a look at this photo.
Bellboy: ... That's him, Detective.
Huh... Phoenix's a lawyer, not a detective. But I can see where that confusion could come from.
Phoenix: Um... I'm the lawyer.
Bellboy: Oh, I know that!
Let me guess, you just wanted an excuse to say that.
Bellboy: I just wanted to say "Detective" once. You know how it is.
Oh, I do Mr. Bellboy, sir. I do...
Phoenix: (No. No I don't.)
Bellboy: Without a doubt, that is the man who checked in with Miss April May. How about I write an affidavit swearing that that's him!
Just what the crap is an "affidavit"?
Phoenix: An affidavit? (This guy is way too excited about this...)
-Have him write it-
-Turn him down-
(Why the heaven not, at least we can figure out what that means...I think.)
Phoenix: Well, sure. Why not?
"Why not?" Indeed.
Bellboy: Yes! I've always wanted to write an affidavit, sir. From hence forth I will be known as the "bellboy who swore the affidavit"!
Phoenix: Just hurry up and write it.
'Bellboy's Affidavit added to the Court Record.'
'Describes the man who stayed with Miss May in the hotel on the night of the murder.'
Phoenix: (Not even Miss May can play dumb to this!)
Still, what the crap is an affidavit!? *looks it up on Wikipedia* So...yeah... Anyway on to the detention center to wring some info out of that... (Bimbo!) ...yeah...Not really excited about this but, I know railroad tracks when I see them. (Choo-choo!)
April: YOU AGAIN!? Can't you take a hint and stay gone?
Phoenix: Hey, the only reason I'm back here is because YOU won't talk to me!
April: Oh, so it's MY fault now?
Yes.
April: You don't just have spiky hair, you also have a spiky heart!
I know what kind of heart you have, but what about him!
Phoenix: (That does it. When this case is done I'm shaving my head.)
No! Don't do it! Your hair's too cool for that! (And now, to present...the pic of her boss!)
Phoenix: Have a look at this.
April: Look, I've said several times, I'm not telling you... ! Where did you...?
Phoenix: (Ah hah! A reaction!) This is him, isn't it?
April: What? Who? When? Why...?
Phoenix: It IS him. This is the man who stayed in your hotel room the night of the murder!
April: No! No, that's not right.
Phoenix: (Nice try, Miss Cooperative.)
April: D-do you have proof that was him? Hmm? Y-yeah! Proof! Show me proof!
Phoenix: (I'm so close!)
(Well, that's what that affidavit is for.) Well, it does have the legal weight of a statement made under oath. But, then again... in this universe, that doesn't seem to be worth much after all. Still, it's time to present that affidavit!
Phoenix: Could you have a look at this?
April: What's that?
Phoenix: The bellboy's affidavit! He told us everything he saw. He told us about the man you checked in with. He told us who he was.
April: ...!
Phoenix: (Now I'm getting somewhere!)
-Ease her fears-
-Push her hard-
(Well, she has been a little ***** so far. She's going to deserve every bit of fear we can instill in her!)
Phoenix: (This is it, all or nothing! Time to do a little bluff.) No use playing dumb! (If, indeed, that's an act.) If you don't talk, I'm taking this photo to the press!
(And the only types that're even close to lawyers in horribleness, would have to be reporters.)
April: Whaaaaat!?
Phoenix: Even though he should be a witness to murder, this man is in hiding. I'm sure the press would have a field day with his reputation!
April: ...! Ooooh! Fine! I'll talk! You... you win, Lawyer.
Phoenix: (Yes! Man, that felt good! It's great to be alive!)
April: Why are you pumping your fists in the air?
Phoenix: *cough* Now, tell me about the man you were with.
April: That man... He's my boss.
(Called it!)
April: Redd White, the president of the information gathering conglomerate, Bluecorp.
So that's the significance of the colours of the American flag...
Phoenix: (Redd... White?)
...of Bluecorp. Red, white, and blue!
Phoenix: "Information gathering?"
April: Well... I suppose you could call them a detective agency.
Are these guys sub-contractors for the TSA!? (Again with your bashing of the government, spying on its own people is just something that big governments DO!) Yeah...I guess all of us are going native to Night Vale in one form or another...
Phoenix: Hmm... So this is the man that was with you the night of the murder?
(Nope, he was too busy across the street hitting a lady in the head with an empty clock...)
April: ...I'm...I'm scared to talk. I don't want to end up like her!
Phoenix: (...!)
(It's undeniable, Redd White is an ***hole!)
Phoenix: It's okay, I'll just ask Mr. White himself. Can you tell me where Bluecorp is located?
April: ...
Phoenix: (Mr. Redd White, at last! Finally, a lead on this guy! If April May couldn't have done it, that leaves him! Time to take action!)
'Discarded the Bellboy's Affidavit.'
(Well, we don't need it anymore, it served its purpose.) To Bluecorp! Away!
September 7
Bluecorp Inc.
CEO's Office
Phoenix: ...
Oh my... it's that smelly painting again! *holds nose*
Phoenix: (What's with the surreal décor...?)
(And now we have ventured into the natural habitat of the unfortunately common "corrumpo corporātus executivious". As you can see it loves to display the tolls gathered from other conquered species as trophies, advertising it's wealth and power to others unfortunate enough to cross it's path...)
???: Welcome! Please furnish me with the title of your personage!
Okay, what does furniture have to do with the price of tea in china?
Phoenix: (What the...?)
White: Your name! What's your name?
(You do know you could've ask that in the first place...)
White: I was just inquirably asking the title that you go by.
And the spell checks going to be having seizures over this dude...
Phoenix: Uh... Wright. Phoenix Wright. ("Inquirably"...?)
White: Mr. Wright, is it? Right, I see...
*LOL* (*LOL*) (You two are laughing like hyenas over this again!?) Ha-ha-ha...This time both name puns are used at once!
White: Splendiferous.
(You're the chief executive officer...) (AKA the "CEO" mothertruckers!) (...of a company that's all about gathering information, and yet you can't get your hands on a decent dictionary!?)
White: Perhaps I have intimidated you with my giantesque vocabulary...?
(More like stunned by your immense stupidity masquerading as intelligence...)
Phoenix: (What is this guy's problem!)
That's what I'd like to know. Not that even he'll have the answer to that question for sale...
White: I'm Redd White, CEO of Bluecorp. You know, Corporate Expansion Official?
*facepalm* No..."CEO" stands for "Cheif Executive Officer"...
White: My business dealings bring me into contact with the elite of the elite. So I'm afraid I'm not used to conversing with the wordily-challenged.
(That's funny, "limited vocabulary" seems to be a better descriptor for you, 'good' sir.)
Phoenix: (What a fruitcake!)
Certainly nutty enough for one...
White: Hmmm, let me guess... You are an attorney fresh out of law school, are you not? That's the only explanation for why you would come to meet me like this!
Because your usual method for meeting attorneys involves you going to 'their' office...? Oh, and extortion! Can't forget the extortion!
Phoenix: (What does he mean by that?)
White: No matter. So, what business does a "mighty" lawyer have with a man such as myself?
Phoenix: (Yipes! This guy's arrogance meter is off the scale!)
Indeed! I haven't seen an ego this size since the likes of Seto Freaking Kaiba! (Speaking of which, the next Epic Rap Battle of History should be Redd White vs Seto Kaiba! It'll be a...) ...rap... (...battle of the egos for the ages, and it will be glorious!) Well, soon, the shoe will be on the other foot as we gather information from HIM! Availible topics are... "Miss May", "Night of the murder", and "Bluecorp"... let's get this party started!
Phoenix: Miss May is an employee of Bluecorp, is she not?
White: Correct. She was my secretariat. What a shock it was to hear what she has done!
Phoenix: "What she has done"... You mean the wiretap?
White: Indeed! She is paid to answer phones. Tapping them is NOT in her job description. She does gather information for us as part of her duties. But, I assure you, we do not condone illegal methods!
(I'm pretty sure "murder" is heaven'a illegal...)
White: It is ineffable that she would do this.
Phoenix: (It sounds like he's trying to turn Miss May into a scapegoat...)
Let's see... figuratively transferring his sins and evil deeds to her then leaving her to die... yeah, that's a scapegoat all right. Next topic!
Phoenix: On the night of the murder were you in April May's hotel room?
White: Who can say? I seldom pay attention to mundane details such as time and place.
Then you must get lost and show up to meetings late very often...
White: My motto is "Don't worry, be happy!"
(Then why did you worry so much about some papers that Mia had...?)
Phoenix: Still, Mr. White... The hotel bellboy has stated on the record that he does remember you very clearly.
White: ...No matter! The bellboy can say what he pleases. I still won't talk to you. If you want me to speak, put me on the witness stand! Although I doubt you'd be capable of doing that.
Oh yeah, I bet we can do it!
Oh yeah, I bet we can do it!
Phoenix: (Hmm. He raises a good question, actually... Why didn't prosecution call him as a witness?)
Let's see here... extortion, blackmail, bribery...
Phoenix: (He should have "seen" the same thing as April May!)
White: Oh hoh hoh. The police... the courts... To me they are mere toys. Playthings for my amusement!
Well now... we're definitely taking him down! (Yeah!) But first, this and a new topic to explore...
Phoenix: What kind of company is Bluecorp, anyway?
Whtie: Ah, excellent question! We buy and sell various kinds of information.
(And yet a proper dictionary seems to be beyond your reach...)
White: We are a company of the future! You might say, we ARE the future!
Only if that future resembles the world of "Jennifer Government" or the setting of Shadowrun...and that's as bad as 1984!
Phoenix: (Sell... information?)
White: In just 10 years, I've built this business up into the grand office you see now. Ah, in case you were wondering, Bluecorp was named after the color "blue"!
[sarcasm] You don't say...! [/sarcasm]
White: I, Redd White of Bluecorp, as founder and CEO, named it so!
And you give a bad name to my hair color!
White: And why, you ask? Because I like the color blue of course!
Then why isn't your hair dyed blue? (Okay, if your favorite color is purple, then why isn't YOUR hair dyed that color!?) Cosplay reasons.
White: Fantabulistic, is it not?
My mother, who also likes the color blue, is in no way shape or form assosiated with this egomaniac. Now for that new conversation topic, "That painting"...that smelly...smelly painting...
Phoenix: Uh... there's something that's been bothering me.
White: Yes? What might that be?
Phoenix: That big painting on the wall over there...
-It's gorgeous-
-I've seen it before-
-When did you get it?-
Of course we've...
Phoenix: You know, I've actually seen that painting before.
And certainly smelled it before, yuck!
White: Oh?
Phoenix: Just yesterday, actually.
White: Your point being...?
Phoenix: My point is simple. Er, rather, my question is simple: Why is that painting hanging on your wall?
White: ... Mr. Wrong, was it?
Nope, not only is your vocabulary bad, but your memory is too...
Phoenix: Wright.
(And now this is going to devolve into an Abbott and Costello routine...)
White: It appears you do not fully grasp your position here. I ask again. Who are you?
Phoenix: Umm... huh? A lawyer?
White: No, my feeble friend. A "mere" lawyer. Worth nothing! Zilch. Zippo. Nada!
That's not what the Internet and several thousand cosplayers say...
White: Just like that sorry excuse for an attorney, Grodyburger!
That's "Grossberg" you self-absorbed paunchy tickle-brained skainsmate! (Wow...breaking out the Shakespearian insults already...)
Phoenix: (Wh-what!?) Ungh! Oof...! Unh... uhhh... (He... he punched me!)
And that, right there, was assault and battery! Another crime!
White: Well, Mr. Lawyer. What will you do, eh? Charge me with assault?
Well, you did assault Mr. Wright here...
White: Charge away, I welcome it! For it is YOU who will be found guilty!
Phoenix: What...?
No, seriously...what!?
White: Heed my exposition! The police, the courts, they all do my bidding.
(Well, now... I think this calls for a little assassination...) No, that's what started this whole mess in the first place...
Phoenix: (So you say... But I wonder... Is that kind of control really possible?)
Well...the world is that corrupt and horrible...
White: I don't expect you to understand. It is a world beyond your compensation.
I think the word you were looking for was "comprehension". (Go buy a ****ing dictionary already!) Woah... (Woah... is it suddenly opposite day?)
White: ...You came here from Grodyburger's, I presume?
Maybe in another time line, but not in this one...
Phoenix: Mr. Grossberg's... yes.
White: Then you must ask him: Why is it that this paining of his hangs here?
Speaking of Grossberg and his "morals"... "Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?" (Again, for the answer to that one, look at the title of this post.)
White: Perhaps then he will tell you? Perhaps he will explain how a man can live life purely for personal profit!
Why am I not surprised that Redd White over here is mansplaining... I'd like to believe that the human race as a whole isn't that terrible and cruel, but the actions of the TSA and the GOP prove otherwise...
White: ...Go now! Skedaddle! There is nothing more to discuss!
Indeed, and you can go **** yourself Mr. White! In the meantime...Mr. Grossberg has some explaining to do...
Grossberg: ... ... ...
Phoenix: (Huh? I don't think he's noticed me standing here.)
Dude, it's not like your office is cursed and un-personing Mr. Wright here is not going to stop a series of unfortunate deadly accidents...
Phoenix: (Maybe I should...clear my throat?) Aaa-HHHEM!
And now the shoe's on the other foot...again...!
Grossberg: Jumping Jehosephats!
(Who says that anymore!?) People like Jake English?
Grossberg: Oh! You!
Phoenix: What's wrong? You looked so pensive... like an old man at the end of his days.
Grossberg: Hmm? I'm not senile yet!
(And yet Redd White's already afflicted with that condition at such a young age...)
Grossberg: I was just thinking about this whole mess...
Phoenix: (Something's really bothering him, that much is clear.)
And we're going to get to the bottom of it! The topics this time are: "Today's trial", "Your refusal", and "Mr. White". (Well, you know the drill...)
Phoenix: So you came to see the trial?
Grossberg: Yes, yes I did. Something was bothering me all last night, you see, couldn't get a wink of sleep.
Phoenix: Really? What was that?
Grossberg: Well, you see, it's just... Mia's sister, that poor girl. My boy, I owe you my thanks, truly. I don't know what I would have done if things had gone poorly for the girl.
Consence catching up with him? Well, next...Why the hell did you refuse to help Maya like you promised!?
Phoenix: I asked before, but, why did you refuse her request for defense? I think I have a right to know.
Grossberg: A right, Mr. Wright?
(*LOL*) (Give it a rest, all ready!)
Grossberg: No, no, I'm sorry. It's just, I need more time to think about it, my boy.
Phoenix: ...
Really, Mr. Grossberg...Really...?!
Phoenix: (He does seem troubled about something...I'm starting to have a feeling I know what it is.)
And, of course, the head jack...donkey himself...
Phoenix: So, I paid Bluecorp a visit.
Grossberg: Oh? Oh, I see.
Phoenix: Mr. Grossberg...I have to admit, something has been bothering me.
Grossberg: Oh? What is it? Well, out with it, my boy!
Phoenix: You see, it's just...
-That big painting-
-That photo of Mr. White-
-Why wouldn't you defend Maya?-
(It's painfully obvious what's missing in this room...)
Phoenix: Mr. Grossberg, sir... There was a giant painting hanging right there the other day, was there not? The one you said you had "no intention of parting with"?
Which you, of course, made abundantly clear even though we had no interest in that smelly painting anyway...
Phoenix: Well, I saw it. Today. It was in the CEO's office at Bluecorp. Redd White's office.
Grossberg: ...So... you noticed. I suppose I should have guessed you would. It is a large painting...
Phoenix: Mr. Grossberg, I know you and Mr. White are connected somehow!
Grossberg: C-connected, you say?
Phoenix: Yes! And I know that it is...
-He's giving you information-
-He's blackmailing you-
-You're lovers-
Well, it's pretty obvious what that is... (Nope! For breaking his promise to the late Mia Fey, we're going to troll him for a bit!) Hey! Give my back my DS!
Phoenix: It's not something I can claim to understand...But you and Mr. White are lovers, aren't you!
(Wh-WHAAAAAAAT!?) *facepalm* So, this is what you meant by "trolling"...For anyone reading this, the real answer is "He's blackmailing you".
Grossberg: W-w-what! My boy!
Phoenix: You sent that painting to him! As a sign! A sign of undying love!
*LOL* That's rich...!
Grossberg: M-m-my boy, please! You're letting your fancies run away with you! Where do you get these bizarre ideas?
This trolling demon or the wild mass guessing page of TV Tropes...
Phoenix: I... I don't understand how you could...
Grossberg: That's because I'm not, we're not... Don't be ridiculous! ...Enough. I'll swallow my pride and tell you all.
Phoenix: (I knew it! They are lovers!)
Grossberg: N-no! We are NOT lovers!
What the...Grossberg can hear Mr. Wright's thoughts!? That's our thing! (Yeah!)
Grossberg: Redd White is a man who makes his living through intimidation. Bluecorp is a company that excels in finding people's weaknesses, I'm afraid. I've been paying them for 15 years now...
Phoenix: (15 years...!)
Grossberg: All because of the "DL-6 Incident," as you may have guessed.
Phoenix: (The name on the back of those photographs!)
Grossberg: As you suspected, I could not stand in defense of Maya because of this. White would have destroyed me if I did.
Phoenix: (So that's the connection!)
("I guess you've made the connection now, mother****er! Hah!")
Grossberg: It is hard for me to tell you this, my boy. But arresting Redd White will be nigh on impossible.
"Never tell me the odds!" We're going to do it anyway! ("Do the impossible. See the invisible. ROW! ROW! FIGHT THE POWAH!")
Phoenix: Impossible? Why!?
Grossberg: He has information on everyone. It gives him an iron grip! He owns judges, attorneys, prosecutors, police... and politicians.
(And the one thing in common with all of them, they're all corrupt mother****ers!) Ah-hem... (I mean except Phoenix over here, but he's the exception to the rule.)
Phoenix: What!?
Grossberg: They are bound, unable to do harm to themselves, and therefore, to him. Don't look at me like that. What you see is nothing more than the weight of many years.
Okay, so the "Mr. White" topic has disappeared, and has been replaced by two new topics: "The DL6 Incident" and "Reason for blackmail"...all right chums! Let's do this!
("LEEROOOOOOOOOOOY. JEEEEEEEEEEENKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS.")
Phoenix: What is the "DL-6 Incident"?
Grossberg: "DL-6" is nothing more than the sorting code the police gave the case. It was 15 years ago now... I received a request from a medium. A spirit medium.
Phoenix: (A medium...?)
Grossberg: Her name was Misty Fey.
Phoenix: (Fey!)
Grossberg: Indeed. She was Mia's mother. She had been investigating a murder at the bequest of the police. And... she failed. As a result, the police called her a fraud.
Dude, like I said, just because someone's dead doesn't mean they suddenly know everything!
Phoenix: (This is what Maya was talking about the other day!)
Grossberg: I did all I could for her, and in the end, cleared her of wrongdoing. That murder case, however remains unsolved to this day. That case, is the DL-6 Incident.
And now for that reason for blackmail...
Phoenix: But why were you blackmailed over this, Mr. Grossberg?
Grossberg: The DL-6 Incident was top-secret at the time. It made sense. The police didn't want people to know they were using a medium! They couldn't let people know. But one person found out. I... I told him.
Phoenix: You told White?
(Yeah, Grossberg, you're The Weakest Link...Goodbye!) No! You can't kill him over this! (Why not!?)
Grossberg: He offered me riches... It is an embarrassment to me now. Because I talked, the police were mocked far and wide. In secret, they began looking for the one who sold them out. Of course White heard about it, and he came to me. Only this time, the offer was blackmail.
That's what you get for making a deal with the devil...
Phoenix: ...I see.
...you know what, I'm not going to laugh at this lost in translation name pun right now... (Out of respect for the horrible situation Grossberg has put himself into.)
Grossberg: ...White controls the law of this country as he sees fit. Yet if you still challenge him...
And we will...
Grossberg: Have a close look at Mia's office.
Phoenix: Mia's office...?
Grossberg: She followed his every move for years. She may have recorded something of what she found.
Well, we know where we're going this time...
Phoenix: It's funny, looking at this room, it seems... so normal. Hard to imagine a murder took place here. Mr. Grossberg said there would be clues... Maybe I should have another look.
Let's see where are those files...
Phoenix: Mia's favorite potted plant. I guess I'll have to water it now...
Nope, not there... I was aiming for the short bookcase behind it... Well, how about that tall bookcase?
Phoenix: All the cases the chief ever worked on are filed here. They're in alphabetical order. Let's take a look... Which file should I look at...?
-File "A-I"-
-File "J-S"-
-File "T-Z"-
Let's go through all of those in order, go!
Phoenix: Let's see if there's "A" record in this file that catches my "I."
([sarcasm] Ha-ha...very funny... [/sarcasm]) Come on... "Puns are the highest form of literature."
Phoenix: "A"... "B"... "F"! "Misty Fey." That's Mia and Maya's mother. Hmmm... Should I take a look?
-Read it-
-Leave it be-
(Why not while we're snooping already...)
Mia: "'I have tarnished the Fey name.' Leaving only these words, my mother vanished. I was determined to find the ones who had made my mother blame herself in this way. Using the E.S.P. that runs in my family, I held an audience with the dead. Finally, the names of two men surfaced. One was Marvin Grossberg, a lawyer who sold my mother's information for riches. The other was the man who sold that information to the press. This parasite, who makes his fortune on threats and coercion...His name is..."
Phoenix: Hmm. The record stops there. ...So Mia knew Grossberg...
I thought that both Maya and Grossberg himself made that much clear... And now we have to hear this again to get back to the files...
Phoenix: All the cases the chief ever worked on are filed here. They're in alphabetical order. Let's take a look... Which file should I look at...?
-File "A-I"-
-File "J-S"-
-File "T-Z"-
We've already looked at "A-I" so...
Phoenix: Let's see... "J" though "S"... Nothing much in here. Maybe I'll just skim some of this?
-Skim-
-Leave it be-
Nope, there's got to be a clue in there somewhere...
Phoenix: *sigh* Well, no harm in flipping through a bit, I guess... The biggest part's here at the end in "S"... "Suicide"? Eww... She has a collection of suicide reports. There's politicians... policemen... ... ...! There's writing on most of these in pencil. "White"...? This is Mia's handwriting. Wait, I get it! Mia thought he was involved in these "suicides"! White drove them all to...
...suicide.
Phoenix: ...I can use these newspaper clippings. Hmm... let's find the most distrubing one...
'Newspaper Clipping added to the Court Record.'
'Article about a politician's suicide. The word "White" is written in pen at the top.'
"Objection!" If you look up, you'll see that Phoenix described that the word "White" was written..."in pencil"! And a pencil is very different from a pen!
Phoenix: Shall I check Mia's files once more?
-Check 'em-
-Leave 'em-
Of course we check 'em, we need as many clues as we can get!
Phoenix: Which file to check?
-File "A-I"-
-File "J-S"-
-File "T-Z"-
Obviously, the one section we haven't checked yet...
Phoenix: "T"... "U"... I know, "W"! "White"! ...! The entire "W" section is missing!
[sarcasm] I wonder who could've done that... [/sarcasm]
Phoenix: Was it taken...?
(Of course it was... but not by aliens.) Now Mr. White is the one with some explaining to do...
Whtie: Well, aren't you persistent.
(At least he used an actual word this time.) Just you wait, the spell check's going to be crying "uncle" again...
Phoenix: Sorry, but there's something I have to ask you.
White: Mr. Lawyer,
He does have a name you know...
White: I really hate having to repeat myself... But it seems the message has not yet penetrated your thick skull... Stop bothering me! If you try my patience further, I fear a nasty accident may occur.
"Accident" my kerple...
White: Do I make myself clear?
Phoenix: (Transparent...)
Let's skip the chatter and cut to the chase, shall we... (Present...the newspaper clipping!)
Phoenix: (This is the only clue that Mia left me... I'd better make this one count!) Mr. White... see this? It's an article describing the suicide of a politician.
White: ...
Phoenix: He was embezzling secret government funds. Then, one day, word got leaked to the press. The very next day he took his own life.
White: And this concerns me how...?
Phoenix: I found this article in Mia's office.
White: Miss Mia...?
Phoenix: She had a file filled with articles like this. Every one of them was labeled with a single word... "White."
White: ...!
Phoenix: Mr. White, I know what you did to this politician.
-You bribed him-
-You spied on him-
-You blackmailed him-
Isn't it obvious by now...
Phoenix: You were blackmailing him!
White: Blackmail?
Phoenix: Not just him, either. You were threatening and coercing hundreds of others! You were involved in all of the suicide cases that Mia investigated! This company is built on blackmail! I'm right, aren't I?
Well, he is "Mr. Wright." (*groan* Why do I live with you again?)
White: What a bizarre accusation. Mr. Wrong...
No, it's Mr. Wright...because he's right about you!
White: What is it that you should be doing now? Investigating me? No no no. I think not! You should be searching for the one who killed Miss Mia!
Interphone: *beep* [Secretary's Office, hello?]
White: Mr. Wrong will be leaving now.
Interphone: [Yes, sir. I'll send someone right away.]
Phoenix: Wait a second, Mr. White...
-You're right-
-You're wrong-
Now, time for a little... (Divine inspiration!) (Funny that you'd be saying that...)
Phoenix: You're wrong, Mr. White.
White: Excuse me?
Phoenix: What I should be doing now is going after you!
White: Just what are you insinuating?
Phoenix: Mia was on to you. She was keeping tabs. For this reason you had April May tapping her phone. Then, Mia was murdered, and all the documents about you mysteriously disappeared. So, the culprit would be...?
"You magnificent *******!" ("I read your book!")
White: ...
Phoenix: Even a child could work it out, Mr. White. You did it!
(What's this games rating again?) "T" for Teen. (Yeah, that's what I thought...)
Whtie: ...
Interphone: *beep* [Secretary's office.]
White: We won't be needing an escort for Mr. Wrong. Instead, please connect me to the public prosecutor's office.
Interphone: [Of course, sir. One moment please...] ...[White? That you? What are you doing calling me at a time like this!?]
White: Hello. Chief Prosecutor?
(Yo! Lana Skye! What's up?) We're not supposed to know about her yet...
White: I've changed my mind. I want to testify tomorrow.
Ha! In your face! We got you to the witness stand! (Just like he said!)
Interphone: [What's this about?]
White: The Mia Fey case. I witnessed the murder, you see.
Of course you'd see the murder happen before you eyes if you did it! (Unless the killer's blind...) (Or the method of killing involves a Rube Goldberg device of some kind that can manufacutre an alibi for the killer...) I think they get the point...
White: And, thus, as a very important witness, I would like to testify.
Interphone: [What? Why now? I thought you said you didn't want to go to court?]
White: Quietude...!
(Di-did you just smash together the words "quiet" and "dude" or "attitude"!?) *Looks up* Sure looks like it...
White: I told you I changed my mind, didn't I? Oh, and one other thing. Send the police over here right away. The man is standing right in front of me. He looks dazed but could be violent!
Interphone: [What? What man?]
White: Are you even listening?
More like, "You didn't even mention it 'till now." Wow, your memory really does suck...
White: The executioner! The hatchet-man! The liquidator... The killer, man!
(Wait a minute... are you suggesting that...) (Yeah, I think he is...)
Phoenix: What!?
Interphone: [Mr. White... this isn't another one of those...]
White: Chief Prosecutor. I do not believe you are in a position to freely offer your opinions to me, correct? I'm telling you to send the police, now!
Interphone: *beep*
White: ...Did I not tell you, Mr. Wrong? You are a mere lawyer! As was Miss Mia.
Phoenix: How dare you!
Wait! Phoenix! It's a trap!
White: I'll point the finger at you, and you will be tried as Miss Mia's killer! The case is as good as settled. No lawyer of any worth will defend you. I have friends in the local lawyer's association, you see.
More like "victims"...
White: You'll be given a lawyer so stupendously inept that they make even you look competent.
Phoenix: (I... I feel faint.)
Gumshoe: Detective Gumshoe, reporting, sir! Aaa! Butz! Hairy Butz!
That was wrong, as in incorrect, on so many levels! First of all, this is Phoenix Wright. Second, Mr. Wright's friend's name is "Larry Butz". Not "Harry" or "Hairy"... LARRY BUTZ!
Phoenix: Wright, actually. Phoenix Wright. And my friend's name is "Larry"...
Gumshoe: Oh, right! Sorry, pal. Butz was the murderer, right?
No!!! Mr. Sahwit was the murderer! Larry was just that cases scapegoat!
White: Detective Gumshoe. I present to you, the man who killed Miss Mia Fey!
Gumshoe: W-what!?
Yeah, I know, that doesn't make any sense either...
White: Take this despicable human being into custody.
No, that would be you Mr. White...
Whtie: ...Farewell, Mr. Wrong!
Huh? Where? I don't see anyone with the family name of "Wrong" anywhere in this room...
Phoenix: I can't belive it's only been a day since the first trial.
(Wow... being locked in the clink must've made Mr. Wright here lose all sense of time...)
Phoenix: My trial begins tomorrow. White's going to set a trap for me. And the prosecution will be in on it, of course. Edgeworth, included. An attorney was assigned to me by the state, yesterday. I refused. I had an idea.
Maya: ...Wright! Mr. Wright!
Phoenix: Oh, Maya! Great, they let you out of detention.
Wait, so there's a guard on both sides of the glass?!
Maya: Just now, yes. It's all thanks to you!
Phoenix: Hah. Now I'm afraid we've switched places.
Maya: What? You mean, you...?
Phoenix: I explained what had happened to Maya. ...
Maya: I don't believe it! How many people does that man need to destroy before he's satisfied!? My mother... My sister... And now you! This has gone too far! Mr. Wright, please tell me, is there anything I can do?
Phoenix: Um... well...
-Defend me in court-
-Cheer me on in court-
-Help me break out of here-
(Well, those first two won't help us at all. And when the courts are this corrupt...)
Phoenix: Right. Okay, listen up. I want you to help me break out of here!
Maya: You mean... a jail break?
Phoenix: Yeah. Tonight's our only chance!
Maya: Alright!
(Seriously...!? No! You've got to do the time if you do the crime!) But he didn't even do the mothertrucking crime!
Phoenix: Huh?
Maya: Oh, I'd better go get a hacksaw while the stores are still open.
I've got a Sonic Screwdriver to deal with the locks...unless they're deadbolts...maybe I can borrow River Songs drugged lipstick... (I think some chloroform and a rag would be a better option, I mean...lipstick on a man...ew! ...hey!)
Maya: Oh, oh! And a rope ladder, and a getaway car! Can you drive?
I've got a drivers licence, but no car. (Maybe we could take a page out of the "book" of GTA...) (No, I think we'd be better of not committing any crimes.) But breaking out of prison IS a crime. Besides, we're going to return the car with a full tank of gas when we're done using it to bring you to Night Vale. (I thinks that's more than fair...) (*sigh*)
Phoenix: ...W-wait. Wait wait wait.
Maya: What what what?
Phoenix: I'm kidding! It was a joke!
Oh yeah, he'd have to say that what with the security cameras and the guards nearby...
Maya: No way!
Phoenix: No really, I was kidding. But thanks. It's good to know you're on my side. (And there really isn't anything you can do for me anyway...)
Maya: But... but I can't just sit here and do nothing! I've got to give that man a piece of my mind!
Phoenix: (Just a piece?) Okay. Then, come to the court tomorrow.
Maya: O-okay! I'll be there! I'll show them a thing or two!
Phoenix: It's the beginning of a new century, yet with crime it's the same old story.
"War.War never changes." (Apparently, neither does crime, go figure...)
Phoenix: In fact, it's gotten worse. Lengthy court proceedings are no longer realistic. Beginning a few years ago, a limit of three days was put on initial court trials. Almost all finish in a day. Most with a guilty verdict. I never thought I would end up in the defendant's chair myself.
I guess you already forgot that incident with "Dollie"...
Phoenix: Tomorrow the true culprit will appear as a witness. This is it! It's me or him!
'To be continued.'
------------------------------------
(Looks like Phoenix is going to defend himself next time...) And he's going to need all the 'Divine Intervention' he can get if he plans on making it out of this trail alive. (And you managed to not make references to a certain show or movie...) And we've all broken character in some way during this post. Well, see you next time!
Let's see where are those files...
Phoenix: Mia's favorite potted plant. I guess I'll have to water it now...
Nope, not there... I was aiming for the short bookcase behind it... Well, how about that tall bookcase?
Phoenix: All the cases the chief ever worked on are filed here. They're in alphabetical order. Let's take a look... Which file should I look at...?
-File "A-I"-
-File "J-S"-
-File "T-Z"-
Let's go through all of those in order, go!
Phoenix: Let's see if there's "A" record in this file that catches my "I."
([sarcasm] Ha-ha...very funny... [/sarcasm]) Come on... "Puns are the highest form of literature."
Phoenix: "A"... "B"... "F"! "Misty Fey." That's Mia and Maya's mother. Hmmm... Should I take a look?
-Read it-
-Leave it be-
(Why not while we're snooping already...)
Mia: "'I have tarnished the Fey name.' Leaving only these words, my mother vanished. I was determined to find the ones who had made my mother blame herself in this way. Using the E.S.P. that runs in my family, I held an audience with the dead. Finally, the names of two men surfaced. One was Marvin Grossberg, a lawyer who sold my mother's information for riches. The other was the man who sold that information to the press. This parasite, who makes his fortune on threats and coercion...His name is..."
Phoenix: Hmm. The record stops there. ...So Mia knew Grossberg...
I thought that both Maya and Grossberg himself made that much clear... And now we have to hear this again to get back to the files...
Phoenix: All the cases the chief ever worked on are filed here. They're in alphabetical order. Let's take a look... Which file should I look at...?
-File "A-I"-
-File "J-S"-
-File "T-Z"-
We've already looked at "A-I" so...
Phoenix: Let's see... "J" though "S"... Nothing much in here. Maybe I'll just skim some of this?
-Skim-
-Leave it be-
Nope, there's got to be a clue in there somewhere...
Phoenix: *sigh* Well, no harm in flipping through a bit, I guess... The biggest part's here at the end in "S"... "Suicide"? Eww... She has a collection of suicide reports. There's politicians... policemen... ... ...! There's writing on most of these in pencil. "White"...? This is Mia's handwriting. Wait, I get it! Mia thought he was involved in these "suicides"! White drove them all to...
...suicide.
Phoenix: ...I can use these newspaper clippings. Hmm... let's find the most distrubing one...
'Newspaper Clipping added to the Court Record.'
'Article about a politician's suicide. The word "White" is written in pen at the top.'
"Objection!" If you look up, you'll see that Phoenix described that the word "White" was written..."in pencil"! And a pencil is very different from a pen!
Phoenix: Shall I check Mia's files once more?
-Check 'em-
-Leave 'em-
Of course we check 'em, we need as many clues as we can get!
Phoenix: Which file to check?
-File "A-I"-
-File "J-S"-
-File "T-Z"-
Obviously, the one section we haven't checked yet...
Phoenix: "T"... "U"... I know, "W"! "White"! ...! The entire "W" section is missing!
[sarcasm] I wonder who could've done that... [/sarcasm]
Phoenix: Was it taken...?
(Of course it was... but not by aliens.) Now Mr. White is the one with some explaining to do...
Whtie: Well, aren't you persistent.
(At least he used an actual word this time.) Just you wait, the spell check's going to be crying "uncle" again...
Phoenix: Sorry, but there's something I have to ask you.
White: Mr. Lawyer,
He does have a name you know...
White: I really hate having to repeat myself... But it seems the message has not yet penetrated your thick skull... Stop bothering me! If you try my patience further, I fear a nasty accident may occur.
"Accident" my kerple...
White: Do I make myself clear?
Phoenix: (Transparent...)
Let's skip the chatter and cut to the chase, shall we... (Present...the newspaper clipping!)
Phoenix: (This is the only clue that Mia left me... I'd better make this one count!) Mr. White... see this? It's an article describing the suicide of a politician.
White: ...
Phoenix: He was embezzling secret government funds. Then, one day, word got leaked to the press. The very next day he took his own life.
White: And this concerns me how...?
Phoenix: I found this article in Mia's office.
White: Miss Mia...?
Phoenix: She had a file filled with articles like this. Every one of them was labeled with a single word... "White."
White: ...!
Phoenix: Mr. White, I know what you did to this politician.
-You bribed him-
-You spied on him-
-You blackmailed him-
Isn't it obvious by now...
Phoenix: You were blackmailing him!
White: Blackmail?
Phoenix: Not just him, either. You were threatening and coercing hundreds of others! You were involved in all of the suicide cases that Mia investigated! This company is built on blackmail! I'm right, aren't I?
Well, he is "Mr. Wright." (*groan* Why do I live with you again?)
White: What a bizarre accusation. Mr. Wrong...
No, it's Mr. Wright...because he's right about you!
White: What is it that you should be doing now? Investigating me? No no no. I think not! You should be searching for the one who killed Miss Mia!
Interphone: *beep* [Secretary's Office, hello?]
White: Mr. Wrong will be leaving now.
Interphone: [Yes, sir. I'll send someone right away.]
Phoenix: Wait a second, Mr. White...
-You're right-
-You're wrong-
Now, time for a little... (Divine inspiration!) (Funny that you'd be saying that...)
Phoenix: You're wrong, Mr. White.
White: Excuse me?
Phoenix: What I should be doing now is going after you!
White: Just what are you insinuating?
Phoenix: Mia was on to you. She was keeping tabs. For this reason you had April May tapping her phone. Then, Mia was murdered, and all the documents about you mysteriously disappeared. So, the culprit would be...?
"You magnificent *******!" ("I read your book!")
White: ...
Phoenix: Even a child could work it out, Mr. White. You did it!
(What's this games rating again?) "T" for Teen. (Yeah, that's what I thought...)
Whtie: ...
Interphone: *beep* [Secretary's office.]
White: We won't be needing an escort for Mr. Wrong. Instead, please connect me to the public prosecutor's office.
Interphone: [Of course, sir. One moment please...] ...[White? That you? What are you doing calling me at a time like this!?]
White: Hello. Chief Prosecutor?
(Yo! Lana Skye! What's up?) We're not supposed to know about her yet...
White: I've changed my mind. I want to testify tomorrow.
Ha! In your face! We got you to the witness stand! (Just like he said!)
Interphone: [What's this about?]
White: The Mia Fey case. I witnessed the murder, you see.
Of course you'd see the murder happen before you eyes if you did it! (Unless the killer's blind...) (Or the method of killing involves a Rube Goldberg device of some kind that can manufacutre an alibi for the killer...) I think they get the point...
White: And, thus, as a very important witness, I would like to testify.
Interphone: [What? Why now? I thought you said you didn't want to go to court?]
White: Quietude...!
(Di-did you just smash together the words "quiet" and "dude" or "attitude"!?) *Looks up* Sure looks like it...
White: I told you I changed my mind, didn't I? Oh, and one other thing. Send the police over here right away. The man is standing right in front of me. He looks dazed but could be violent!
Interphone: [What? What man?]
White: Are you even listening?
More like, "You didn't even mention it 'till now." Wow, your memory really does suck...
White: The executioner! The hatchet-man! The liquidator... The killer, man!
(Wait a minute... are you suggesting that...) (Yeah, I think he is...)
Phoenix: What!?
Interphone: [Mr. White... this isn't another one of those...]
White: Chief Prosecutor. I do not believe you are in a position to freely offer your opinions to me, correct? I'm telling you to send the police, now!
Interphone: *beep*
White: ...Did I not tell you, Mr. Wrong? You are a mere lawyer! As was Miss Mia.
Phoenix: How dare you!
Wait! Phoenix! It's a trap!
White: I'll point the finger at you, and you will be tried as Miss Mia's killer! The case is as good as settled. No lawyer of any worth will defend you. I have friends in the local lawyer's association, you see.
More like "victims"...
White: You'll be given a lawyer so stupendously inept that they make even you look competent.
Phoenix: (I... I feel faint.)
Gumshoe: Detective Gumshoe, reporting, sir! Aaa! Butz! Hairy Butz!
That was wrong, as in incorrect, on so many levels! First of all, this is Phoenix Wright. Second, Mr. Wright's friend's name is "Larry Butz". Not "Harry" or "Hairy"... LARRY BUTZ!
Phoenix: Wright, actually. Phoenix Wright. And my friend's name is "Larry"...
Gumshoe: Oh, right! Sorry, pal. Butz was the murderer, right?
No!!! Mr. Sahwit was the murderer! Larry was just that cases scapegoat!
White: Detective Gumshoe. I present to you, the man who killed Miss Mia Fey!
Gumshoe: W-what!?
Yeah, I know, that doesn't make any sense either...
White: Take this despicable human being into custody.
No, that would be you Mr. White...
Whtie: ...Farewell, Mr. Wrong!
Huh? Where? I don't see anyone with the family name of "Wrong" anywhere in this room...
September 8, 3:37 PM
Detention Center
Visitor's Room
(Wow... being locked in the clink must've made Mr. Wright here lose all sense of time...)
Phoenix: My trial begins tomorrow. White's going to set a trap for me. And the prosecution will be in on it, of course. Edgeworth, included. An attorney was assigned to me by the state, yesterday. I refused. I had an idea.
Maya: ...Wright! Mr. Wright!
Phoenix: Oh, Maya! Great, they let you out of detention.
Wait, so there's a guard on both sides of the glass?!
Maya: Just now, yes. It's all thanks to you!
Phoenix: Hah. Now I'm afraid we've switched places.
Maya: What? You mean, you...?
Phoenix: I explained what had happened to Maya. ...
Maya: I don't believe it! How many people does that man need to destroy before he's satisfied!? My mother... My sister... And now you! This has gone too far! Mr. Wright, please tell me, is there anything I can do?
Phoenix: Um... well...
-Defend me in court-
-Cheer me on in court-
-Help me break out of here-
(Well, those first two won't help us at all. And when the courts are this corrupt...)
Phoenix: Right. Okay, listen up. I want you to help me break out of here!
Maya: You mean... a jail break?
Phoenix: Yeah. Tonight's our only chance!
Maya: Alright!
(Seriously...!? No! You've got to do the time if you do the crime!) But he didn't even do the mothertrucking crime!
Phoenix: Huh?
Maya: Oh, I'd better go get a hacksaw while the stores are still open.
I've got a Sonic Screwdriver to deal with the locks...unless they're deadbolts...maybe I can borrow River Songs drugged lipstick... (I think some chloroform and a rag would be a better option, I mean...lipstick on a man...ew! ...hey!)
Maya: Oh, oh! And a rope ladder, and a getaway car! Can you drive?
I've got a drivers licence, but no car. (Maybe we could take a page out of the "book" of GTA...) (No, I think we'd be better of not committing any crimes.) But breaking out of prison IS a crime. Besides, we're going to return the car with a full tank of gas when we're done using it to bring you to Night Vale. (I thinks that's more than fair...) (*sigh*)
Phoenix: ...W-wait. Wait wait wait.
Maya: What what what?
Phoenix: I'm kidding! It was a joke!
Oh yeah, he'd have to say that what with the security cameras and the guards nearby...
Maya: No way!
Phoenix: No really, I was kidding. But thanks. It's good to know you're on my side. (And there really isn't anything you can do for me anyway...)
Maya: But... but I can't just sit here and do nothing! I've got to give that man a piece of my mind!
Phoenix: (Just a piece?) Okay. Then, come to the court tomorrow.
Maya: O-okay! I'll be there! I'll show them a thing or two!
Phoenix: It's the beginning of a new century, yet with crime it's the same old story.
"War.War never changes." (Apparently, neither does crime, go figure...)
Phoenix: In fact, it's gotten worse. Lengthy court proceedings are no longer realistic. Beginning a few years ago, a limit of three days was put on initial court trials. Almost all finish in a day. Most with a guilty verdict. I never thought I would end up in the defendant's chair myself.
I guess you already forgot that incident with "Dollie"...
Phoenix: Tomorrow the true culprit will appear as a witness. This is it! It's me or him!
'To be continued.'
------------------------------------
(Looks like Phoenix is going to defend himself next time...) And he's going to need all the 'Divine Intervention' he can get if he plans on making it out of this trail alive. (And you managed to not make references to a certain show or movie...) And we've all broken character in some way during this post. Well, see you next time!
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